Ted Corbett's New Ashes Diary

Farewell kiss

2011-01-08T06:59:00.000-08:00

So to the end of another Ashes triumph.

I am pleased to report that all the members of the Lotto Lot returned to the SCG in time for England's victory and, according to one member, Kate voted that a certain - and most unlikely - member of the team "gave me the sweetest kiss" when they went round the ground to offer special thanks to the supporters.

Before they set off home - "we want none of that one-day rubbish" - the veteran reported: "England showed everyone that you do not need high pace but that good, solid fast medium pace combined with accuracy and variations will be just as effective." He also praised the patience of the England batsmen. "They never attacked because they thought the next ball might be their last. They were all too aware of the destructive effect of four singles in an over; perhaps more effective than a single four, no matter how flashy,"

I texted back that some writers had given Collingwood only four marks. "Then they were not watching," he replied. "He took one catch that will live with me for a long time and, besides, he is one tough cookie. He never took a backward step in the face of all the sniping from the Aussies. I am sorry he is going but I guess it would be hard to explain why to the Lord's lot."

By the way, he added, "the money has gone, so with many thanks to J Smith of london, our sponsor, we are off home. It has been a fantastic trip, and I have had some experiences which will also stay with me forever. Kate was not the only one to receive a sweet farewell kiss - but I will not include that in my autobiography!"

Where next?

2011-01-07T01:46:00.000-08:00

WE needed 90 minutes to capture the first wicket - Siddle, predictably caught in the deep - and after exactly two hours England were bouncing up and down on the pitch, the series was safe by 3-1 and England had won for the third time in five Tests by an innings and plenty.

No stat tells you more about the difference between the two teams. England were strong and purposeful, well-prepared and determined and, despite the shortcomings of the captain, all men steeped in cricket knowledge.

Anderson was the hero and rightly so. They are strange, taciturn people in Burnley; I know them well from the days when Bob Lord, a heavyweight butcher who was reputed to hate reporters, was chairman of the football club. The rest of the press pack kept him at arm's length but once he realised that I was the only sports writer who was going to ring him he relented and gave me story after story. So get a Burnley man on your side and you have a man who will be your best friend.

Now England have beaten Australia in three of the last four series, pessimism is the name of the main feeling Down Under. They ought to count their blessings but my guess is that they will go on the inquiry, sacking everyone in sight and an orgy of self destruction route.

Remember that England lost 5-0 in 2006-7 yet most of the players from that series are in the current squad. Consistency in selection may be boring and predictable but it is the key to success.

As for England, who knows what will happen. In the past bad teams have survived, good teams have been torn apart.

Lets hope Geoff Miller and his mates have learnt that lesson.

Prior warning

2011-01-06T01:08:00.000-08:00

DAY FOUR

Lets devote the victory, when it comes probably before lunch on day five, to Paul Collingwood, fine all-rounder, and non-stop fighter for the England cause.

To lunch Thanks to 118 from Prior and neat innings by Bresnan and Swann England were all out soon after lunch for 644, setting Australia to make 364 to make England bat again, a task beyond the imagination of anyone sane. Prior was in his own seventh heaven with a six and 11 fours and a lot of energy in his 130 ball innings.

To tea (77-2) Once Watson ran himself out - as Prior whipped the bails off, he was close enough to the bowler and his partner to shake their hands but lacked the will to do so -it was clear there would be no miracle finale for the Aussies.

To close (213-7) England were close enough to victory to claim the extra half hour but Smith and Siddle held out. Defeat in four days would have been one more humiliation for a side already crumbling. Prior had four catches - and an easy run-out - to seal his day. He does not need a dedication to remember this day; a special catch by Colly on day five would round off a memorable series.

Aussie goose Cook-ed

2011-01-05T01:32:00.000-08:00

DAY THREE

Somone will have to bat a la Ponting for Australia to escape in the last two days.

To lunch (277-5). The sad sight of the series was the suicide shot of Collingwood at 226-5 when he tried to go over the top. He had scored only 13 and the score was advancing steadily but he thought he needed to prove himself after all those bad scores. Instead that stroke probably marked the end of his Test career. Cook reached 100, Bell settled down for a long, slow innings and England headed for a winning score.

To tea (378-5) Two hours and 30 overs of England dominance as Cook reached his fourth score over 150 and his third century of the series. His improvement in recent months is astonishing. Bell played one of the most intelligent innings of their trip. Now, beyond question, we saw that England are much the better side.

To close (488-7) Another 32 overs of Test winning batsmanship in which Prior added icing to the rich cake with a free-scoring 54. The lead of 206, with three wickets and two days remaining make an England victory almost inevitable.

Jimmy Riddle

2011-01-04T03:03:00.000-08:00

SECOND DAY

There is only the tiniest doubt that England will win the final Test

To lunch (230-8) The two and a half hour first session saw the end of Haddin, Hussey, Smith and Siddle but left the dangerous Johnson on 30. He and Hilfenhaus - who grinned each time the ball beat bat and stumps and finished - still grinning - on 34 added 76 for the ninth wicket. Australia reached 280, which probably shocked the wildest optimists in their dressing room.

To tea (73-0) Strauss, with the scent of victory in his nostrils, went off so quickly that he had 49 by the interval in 16 overs

To close (167-3) Strauss went soon after tea and Trott was also bowled in the next over. Just when Pietersen seemed ready to play one of his memorable innings he top-edged a ball from Johnson to long leg so that England's star bowler Anderson had to battle his way through four overs as nightwatchman. Phil Edmonds once declined the offer to undertake this job. "I've done my work for the day," he snarled and I sympathise. Why is it necessary to have a poorer batsman protect a man whose main role is to bat? Cricketers never take the point and get very upset if a nightwatchman makes a mistake. I don't understand it. "Hey, your job is batting - go out there and don't bother coming back if you get out in the short time left today."

Rain down

2011-01-03T01:55:00.000-08:00

FIFTH TEST

Is The Sprinkler an accidental rain dance? England may regret their recent excursion into Strictly Come Sprinkling

To lunch (55-1 in the 30th over) Clarke, in for the injured Ponting, wins the toss. I assume the leave-everything-wide-of-off-stump policy was formulated in the dressing room but surely Clarke ought to have put England in. It would have signified a defiant attitude and saved us the sight of two batsmen who signalled they would be happy not to play a shot for the first two hours on a grassy but not hostile pitch. Tremlett was the best of the seamers; he has been a revelation on this tour and he deserved the wicket of Hughes last ball before the interval.

To tea (111-2 at a rain break) The new boy Khawata starts with a shot demo, is interrupted by bad light and then shows a raw technique from a short backlift. Why didn't Clarke bat at No.3? We got the answer when Watson was caught at slip for 45 and Clarke batted 21 balls for four.

To close (134-4 after more rain): Khawata could not resist a sweep at Swann giving England the bragging rights for the day. Rain prevented further play so that we do not even know whether Haddin or Smith will bat No.6 but there is more rain on the horizon, "Biblical" flooding in Queensland and the feeling of a wet draw about this final match of the series.

Look back

2010-12-30T03:23:00.000-08:00

The veteran texts 400 words. He is becoming adept with his new tech. "It was Bresnan what won it," he says, imitating The Sun all those Thatcher years ago. "He knows how to bowl, does the lad. Reminds me a bit of myself, all that long time ago." Let us see if Bresnan survives even as long as the next Test when there is a rumour that Panesar will take his place. I do hope not. Snotty Mike Atherton describes him as an honest toiler. Reminds me of a conversation with Clive Lloyd all those years ago. "It seems to me that as soon as they leave the field of play and become TV commentors they forget everything they learnt as cricketers," he said. I wonder, It's nore likely they think they have to talk populist rubbish to keep the - very well-paid - job on the gantry. "Move mid-off to extra cover," is nothing like as attractive a bit of commentary as "Why don't they put in a short leg and bounce him." The Lotto lads and lasses are already in Sydney preparing to celebrate the winning of the series, firewords over the Harbour and liberal supplies of Aussie wine. I do hope they are not disappointed. Tears ago I learnt not to trust the final game of an already decided one-day series. Just take note of my alledged wisdom. Remember Australia won the fifth Test when the Gatting team kept the Ashes all those years ago.

Finished

2010-12-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

FOURTH DAY

So, as we knew they must from the first morning, England won - by an innings and 157 runs and keep the Ashes which they have now held, despite 5-0 in Australia in 2006-7 - since September 2005. Tremlett, Swann and the hero of the hour Bresnan captured the remaining wickets before lunch. It must have been a sweet triumph for Bresnan, the subject of a damn-with-faint-praise campaign possibly because he is a touch on the weighty side, more than a touch of Yorkshire (Yorky is his dressing room nom-de-guerre) and particularly because he is not from Surrey, or Hampshire, or some other fashionable Home Counties side.

Wherever England go next - and they can rid themselves of good teams quicker than any other international side - I hope Bresnan is a force for good. I once asked Alec
Bedser when he first knew Fred Trueman was going to be a great. "Straight away," he said. "He could bowl" - and finishing with a broad Yorkshire accent - "e could bowl tha knows." So can Bresnan - either tight and close to the stumps or more fluidly wide out and tempting - and he has a genuinely quick ball. Don't mention that in front of some cricket experts; they'll respond with a damning definition of "medium pace, tha knows."

Strauss deserves that I give him another chance. I hear he has impeccable man management skills. I am fond of Paul Collingwood but it looks as if his day is done and there are young cricketers waiting for a chance. Pray they are as English as Colly and that our Southern African days are finishing.

As you know I come from the Ponting Finishing School, a harsh establishment run by men who care only for Australia's honour. We will know a lot about that School of Hard Knocks within a few days.

A great farewell

2010-12-28T01:41:00.000-08:00

THIRD DAY

Sorry Ricky but it it time to step down.

To lunch (at England all out score of 513) Trott continues, relentless, chanceless, without fault, to 168 off 345 balls but the rest provide only token aid, including Prior, now an immaculate wicket-keeper but a frail batsman for all his 82.

To tea (95-1) Only the run-out of Hughes, tomorrow's man maybe but certaihly not today's, spoils Australia's second innings march to safety, less than half way through the match. The veteran texts: "He's forgotten he has moveable feet."

To close (169-6 ) Why can no commentator see the merit of Bresnan? Even Chappelli says he cannot remember a bad ball as he whips out Watson, Ponting and Hussey, three stars; well, apart from Ponting that is. Bresnan is quicker sharper than he looks, keeps an immaculate length and line and, without fuss or bother, appears to know where to bowl. Only the similar, bustling Siddle with 6-75 and two catches has a bigger effect on the match. As for the commentators! Talk about Bresnan and they must mention Anderson or Swann or Tremlett. Ponting struggles for 100 minutes and 73 balls for 20 looking as if he faces the rack if he fails; and inevitably falls, bowled by a Bresnan creeper. Instead he faces the captain's farewell, a final media gathering to shed a few tears a la Vaughan, and a rich man's retirement to the TV gantry. Sad because he was a truly great batsman and we saw glimpses of that today.

Hopeless

2010-12-27T02:43:00.000-08:00

SECOND DAY

To lunch(226-2) Siddle, quiet since the first Test, bowls with purpose and aggression so that Cook is caught at first slip 18 short of a century that looked automatic and Strauss taken in the gully when a bouncer rises acutely. Trott begins the innings the selectors sent him to get in Oz, holding the side together even when Pietersen, Collingwood and Bell go for 24 runs.

To tea (304-5) Now is the period of mayhem. Ponting, understandly stressed, argues with Aleem Dar, as good an umpire as it is possible to be, and then Tony Hill, when a decision on Pietersen goes against Australia and Prior is recalled by Aleem Dar who checks a no-ball. Later Ponting is fined 40% of his match fee.

To close (444-5) Trott completes his century in just short of five hours and, I imagine, Geoff Miller and his pals decide it is right to treat themselves to another glass of celebration champagne. Prior rides his luck for two and a half hours to fifty, but once again he has shown that with his Bruce French improved wicket-keeping and his robust batting he is the ideal No.7. The lead is 346; for Australians to talk about making England bat again is proof that noxious weeds are still in abundent supply Down Under.

Those of you who have asked about the Lotto Five will be glad to know they say they are thriving. However Kate texts that "we can always get home even if the money runs out - I think we still all have our return tickets." I do hope so.

Bliss

2010-12-26T00:28:00.000-08:00

FOURTH TEST

At the toss Ponting was so self-assired, so jokey, that he seemed not to have a care in the world and I wondered if he had told the selectors he would retire at the end of the series. We'll see.

To lunch (Australia 58-4): After three overs, two dropped catches and a missed run-out opportunity it looked as if England were going to mess up but Watson skied a rising ball to slip, Ponting batted 51 minutes for ten and Hughes was as out of his depth as ever. The key wicket was Hussey caught behind for eight, He has been their run provider throughout the series and long before tea England has the game in a vice-like grip.

To tea (Australia 98): The infinite weakness of the Australian middle and lower middle order was exposed on a pitch with tiny amounts of devil; if Smith is a Test No.6 so am I, Haddin attacked, Johnson survived four balls and the Prior-Anderson combo was too much for Clarke, inappropriately out of form at the same time as Ponting.

To close (England 157-0): In 47 overs, Cook and Strauss barely played a false shot, Cook survived one lbw verdict and the runs came so easily that as he headed off back to his hotel room Strauss must have thought he had had the perfect day. He had won the toss, put the other side in, dismissed them for their lowest score at the MCG and - don't count your horses the way I did at Perth - kept the Ashes. Bliss.

At the end Anderson, the often sour interviewee, was so relaxed I full expected him to tell us a joke or sing a song. He managed to interject "there's a lot of hard work to be done" but hey surely we cannot avoid this victory.

Do the maths

2010-12-18T19:47:00.000-08:00

FOURTH DAY

To lunch: If the 50 minutes Australia needed to bowl England to defeat were wretched, the next 50 minutes were equally miserable. England were all out 123 to an assortment of loose shots and then commentators and cricketers alike seemed to be far too keen to submit to Australia. For instance, I listened to the whole of the summary section of Test Match Special and not once was the size of the victory in Adelaide mentioned. Jim Maxwell, as Aussie as any wallaby, was allowed to dictate the terms of the discussion; how many changes do England need to make, is there any way Australia can be stopped now, isn't it great that Johnson is back in top form, Ponting will not allow his broken little finger to keep him out of the Melbourne Boxing Day Test. Ponting was exceptionally relaxed, jokey even; Strauss was his usual conservative company man. I just wished someone - Broad tried but his voice does not carry the authority yet - had said: "Hang one. Didn't we win by a massive margin against the same team two weeks ago?"

Jo King, Stats Queen says: Brisbane 517-1 declared, Adelaide 620-5 declared or 1137-6 declared; contrast with Perth 187 and 123 or 320 for 20. Is that a one-off because of the pitch or what? The worry is not in the stats but in the sombre expressions on the faces of Flower and Strauss.

Absent Swann

2010-12-18T03:12:00.000-08:00

THIRD DAY

So what went wrong? Same old, same old, I'm afraid. Australia had straight bats and even straighter bowling and so far Johnson has eight in the match.

To lunch at 211-4: For 55 minutes the pacemen held Watson and Hussey but the runs began to flow even after Watson - reluctantly - went for 95. Smith, who is no more a Test No.6 than, all those years ago, Steve Waugh was a No.5 in his early Tests, was allowed to make 36. Why, oh why, didn't Swann bowl more?

To tea at 297-8. Hussey played superbly for his century but the rest hardly made a contribution. The writing is on the wall for all the brave talk of 400, the biggest score of the match, in the fourth innings.

To close at 81-5. My old saying - "if they win this one you will never forget it" applies. Johnson has regained all his old devastating form, England have lost all the power that gave them such a big victory in Adelaide. I am apt to blame Strauss for everything but he has to answer for Swann bowling only nine overs in the innings and for the failure to remove Smith at speed.

Why it all went wrong

2010-12-17T03:08:00.000-08:00

SECOND DAY.

The old vet loses control and actually phones, which must be a sign that the Lotto money has gone to his head. "Did you ever see such batting?" he asks. He is very angry. "Prior has not got a shot, keeps moving across his wicket and allowing himself to be hit. At least Swann knows how to play but by that time Johnson is so much in the groove Bradman could not stop him. It is the worst England batting I have seen for years."

To lunch. Everything goes swimmingly to 78 until Johnson suddenly produces a spell of four wickets - Cook, Trott, Pietersen and Collingwood - that makes my predictions of an easy England win are doomed. Lunch at 119-5.

To tea England all out 187, an Australian devil score, after Johnson also disturbs the tail with a soft, old ball and finishes with 6-38. All right, half his wickets are gifts but as he hardly got the ball past the bat in the first Test and is dropped for the second, it's a great performance.

To close Finn struck twice and now has the second best Test strike rate in history. Hughes is hardly more than a gimme but when Prior caught Ponting down the legside he waited for a referral before marching off in a fury. How much longer will the selectors tolerate his lack of runs? He could be finished if his men lose this match and the Ashes fly home to Lord's again. By the end of the second day Australia are sure to win. Just like England yesterday so don't cry just yet.

Jo King, Queen of the Important Stat, says: Finn has 45 wickets in his 11 Tests, at 25.73 with a strike rate of 39.32 compared with old-timer Lohman who had 112 wickets in 34 balls each. Not all his victims turned out to be Test stars. Five more wickets and Finn will have beaten Botham's record of 50 wickets at 22 years and 261 days. Finn will not be 22 until April 4.

Falling behind

2010-12-16T02:51:00.000-08:00

THIRD TEST

To lunch: The pitch was so green we might have been in Cork or Donegal and when Strauss won the toss he made sure Ponting knew the Aussies would bat. Watson was wrongly given out in the first over - but reprieved - Tremlett bowled Hughes, Ponting was caught acrobatically by Collingwood at slip, Clarke played a surrender shot to Prior, Watson was lbw and Smith caught at slip. If you never saw a team demoralised before you did today. By lunch they were 65-4 and when Hussey - pretending he had not hit the ball - was shown to be caught by Prior they were 137-6

To tea: The Aussies fought, of course. Haddin, strangely held back until to No.7, hit 53 and Johnson, looking so tense you could almost read his thoughts, top-scored with 62 while Siddle and Hilfenhaus put on 35 off 23 balls before Strauss remembered Swann was his best bowler. At tea 179-6 and you could say Australia should have been out for 210 or so but without a leader in any sense and with the top six in turmoil it is only a matter of time before England confirm their superiority. As against Australia A, Tremlett bowled beautifully and proved to be the right pick for all Bresnan's claims.

To close: Strauss who had a mixed day as captain and Cook knocked off 29 and now it appears to be plain sailing although Strauss must not forget Swann in the second innings when his flight and dip, backed by whatever turn he can find still hold the key. Sometimes I wish I was there.

The veteran texts: "To think I was worried there might be an Aussie revival. Perhaps I am getting past it. I can't keep up with the young 'uns!" It seems to me that there may be a tale to be told in that last sentence. Kate also texts: "The old boy is falling behind."

Lets give Jo King, the undoubted Queen of Stats, the last word. "Some people," she says with a raised eyebrow, "are suggesting England might win this game after their victory in the second Test. It would be the first time England have beaten Australia in successive Tests since the Edgbaston and Oval matches of 1985."

Clear cut catastrophe

2010-12-07T04:23:00.000-08:00

FIFTH DAY

It was all done and dusted by lunch on Hussey had hoisted the surrender flag with a high lob which no place in this match nor at Wimbledon. Swann in his present mood cannot tolerate tail-enders as bad as the last three Aussie batsman and they cannot fathom him. The result was that England won by an innings and 71 runs just before lunch.

I cannot remember a more comprehensive victory by England against anyone away from home. I guess that Brearley's side had one and certainly Hutton's side - stoked by the fire that came from Tyson - but those I have seen in the last 25 years were snatched in tight games that might have gone either way.

Now for the series. Lets hope for 3-0. The Aussie commentators so remind me of the way Willis and Co used to rattle on in the 1990s which brought players unfit to tread the boards into the side only to be rejected as if somehow it was their fault.

Jo King, stats Qeen, says: It is England's first innings victory in Australia for almost a quarter of a century. Mike Gatting's side won in Melbourne by an innings and 14 runs and only 11 other England sides have won by innings.

Last minute luck

2010-12-06T05:16:00.000-08:00

FOURTH DAY

To lunch: Strauss battted on for half an hour, KP reached 227, his highest Test score, and Prior, with 27 off 21 balls, played just the right innings. Australia, at their positive best too. set off as if they were chasing down a T/20 score until Swann put the brakes on: 78-0 was a good start. Kate. apparently alive again after several days of silence, texted: "These bastards are going to win! but I think not.

To tea: Katich, who has an ankle problem, got out four runs into the afternoon and after scratching around for 19 balls, Ponting was anapped up by Collingwood in the slips and Watson caught off Finn. Two successes for Swann and all's right with the world but Clarke bustled in like a general on his first grand parade, and Hussey was at his most obdurate so that tea came at 160 for three.

To close: Bad light stopped play for an hour and it looked as if England might be a wicket or two short at the end but off the last ball - bowled by K "I'm an all-rounder"P - Clarke was caught after some nonsence with "whose referral is it anyway" Australia finished on 238-4 and even Boycott thought England would win "comfortably".They get their luck when they need it, like Australia used to and Manchester United always have.

Jo King, turns Memory Girl: In 1992-3 on the ground fmmed for high scoring, Australia needed just 186 to beat West Indies - and lost by one run. To this day Craig McDermott swears the ball that go him caught behind hit his chest. The umpire was Darrell Hair. An Aussie. Well, it happened in those days but not any more and I'm throwing my vote behind Boycs abd Ted who are both English and say they are, naturally, backing the Strauss lads.

KP at the double

2010-12-05T03:45:00.000-08:00

THIRD DAY

To Lunch: Trott's value was shown by the total when he was out - 176-3. He is far from the most dynamic batsman in history but he takes those runs on offer and if he is batting with KP the rate stays high. All that was needed now KP had shown he was at his best were workmanlike innings as provided by Trott and Collingwood. At lunch England were 449-3 and the wise men of Australian cricket close to admitting their bowling had no answers.

To tea: Collingwood missed a straight ball but he had done his work and KP, driving through the onside and down the vee, or simply hitting, rubbed in the lessons of England's chances of beating a weak side. It began to rain as KP reached his double hundred and they did not return after tea at 551-4, 306 ahead and whatever the weather able to ocntrol the rest of the match. Although we must remember what happened four years ago even if there are no giants of Warne's stature in this Ausralian side.

Jo King, Queen stat, says: KP needs n handful of runs to beat his personal best of 226 against West Indies at Headingle but my guess is that Strauss will take one look at the overhead cloud and go flat out for the win. If he can squeeze a minute or two for KP he will reap the benefit later in the series because to KP confidence is like a drug and a new PB will undoubtedly encourage him to score even more runs.

Cook can't stop

2010-12-04T04:38:00.000-08:00

SECOND DAY

To lunch: Third ball and Strauss is out allowing a ball to go past, except it didn't. Never mind, by lunch Cook and Trott have taken to score to 90-1 in perfect safety. What is wrong with Strauss? Too much on his mind is my guess.

To tea: Trott reaches 78 without trouble before carelessly hitting a catch to Clarke at mid-wicket. He has already proved his worth for all there are many who resent his selection. When the first two Aussie wickets fell on day one Clarke was still in the nets, we hear. This sort of lack of discipline can be seen all the way through his team. England have concentration, discipline and application in bucketloads. It is the main difference between the two sides and Cook us there to demonstrate its value with 90 at tea while KP already looks set for a steady innings.

To close: So it turns out. Cook trots beyond 400 for the series, KP just like the big, rangy, I'm here to make mincemeat of anyone who tries to bowl, star batsman of two years ago. He's 85 and Cook, showing off in front of his parents, is 136 and no doubt seeing another double in his mind's eye.

Jo King, stats Queen, says: Stamina or runs Alistair Cook is surely man of the series already. He has been on the pitch for all but 11 overs and he cannot stop scoring runs and building partnerships. To think there were plenty of people who did not want him to play.

Losing the plot

2010-12-03T06:44:00.000-08:00

SECOND TEST

To lunch: In a blink of an eye Katich, Ponting and Clarke were all gone for two runs, and you do not fight back from those blows easily.

To tea: Inevitably an Australian improvement but with only Finn below par and the last three Australian batsmen indisputably tail-enders there was always going to be a small total.

To close: Ponting is always defeated when he loses his temper and tonight he left the field shouting at Strauss. Last time, remember, it was Duncan Fletcher who caught his wrath. That outburst as the two sides left the field may be the clearest sign that there are big problems in the Australian dressing room, in particular for Ponting. Besides it has come to my notice that Mitchell Johnson, out of form fast bowler, shouted at Greg Chappell, the new supremo among the Australia selectors, after being dropped. Doesn't Johnson realise that his Brisbane bowling was so below par that he had become an enbarrassment. He was simply not performing at first-class level; he had to go.

Jo King, Stats Queen, says: It is 13 years since a side was bowled out on the first day at Adelaide where we remember Mohammad Azhurrudin, Mark Waugh and Paul Collingwood filling the air with gorgeous strokes and filling their boots at the same time.In 1997 it was West Indies, another side on their way down, who made 130 in 47.5 overs.

Records galore

2010-11-29T00:46:00.000-08:00

LAST DAY
To lunch: Strauss had to decide whether to declare or allow Cook a crack at Lara's world record of 400. In the end - conservatively - he ordered him to go for a double hundred and Cook never looked likely to get out anywhere short of that figure. No declaration at lunch; apparently a figure of seven runs an over was reckoned to be beyond Australia and 439-1 was not big enough.

To tea: Records fell the way England wickets used to fall - regularly. Too many to list but it was the first time an England Test side had passed 500 with only one wicket down. Stauss declared close to tea at 517-1which seems to be another example of his extreme conservative nature but, remember, no wicket had fallen for six hours, the pitch was as true as those old time featherbeds and the England second wicket pair are unbeaten after 327 precious runs.

To close: Just time for Katich to get out and a relieved Ponting get to a 43-ball fifty before a draw was recorded. Uniquely both sides had got out of jail without major concerns before the flat bed of a track at Adelaide and, surely, another draw.

"I knew we'd beat 'em," says a text from Wagga Wagga where, one suspects, the world wide web has gone crook. Are they driving to Adelaide? Walking? Biking? Hitch hking?I ask Kate by text but there is no answer. Another mystery hung over from this placid first Test.

Jo king, Queen stat, says: Don't be surprised if England win in Adelaide. They have forced eight victories altogether, three since the Second World War. Don't you remember? All rounder Phil De Freitas was man of the match in 1994-5with a second innings 88. "For me batting, for me batting!" he kept saying.

Forget victory

2010-11-28T04:37:00.000-08:00

FOURTH DAY
To lunch: The start of the triumph. Strauss 79 and Cook 51 add 116 to the overnight 19-0 while the added time means Australia bowl 31 overs. Not a sign of venom in this slowish pitch and instead of the steaming attack of the first innings Ponting has to rely on North.

To tea: Strauss reaches his 19th Test century and then gets stumped leaping down the pitch at 188 but who cares. Trott cares. He wastes no time retaking his guard, he has a purposeful look and he keeps the scoreboard buzzing. He and Cook smooth their way to 238-1 although Cook, who has had remarkably little strike, is stuck on 98.

To close: By the end in bad light Cook and Trott have created a power base that will make Australia worried about a defeat. The England lead is 88 and still there is no sign of a tricky pitch. So my advice to Strauss and a concerned looking Flower - after what The Sun Called a "cancer op ordeal" (lasting 24hours in hospital) - is to forget victory and concentrate on the draw. That will send two messages. "We are powerful enough to get over a bad first innings" and "we can wait until you collapse so badly we can't help winning". By the way I am not kidding myself the players will take any notice. They will want to push the Aussies over the cliff. Wrong. It is time for patience.

Jo King's Royal stat . Don't worry. England always win if Strauss makes a duck and a century - in Jo-burg in 2004-5 and in Napier in 2007-8. And do not forget the match number. This is the 1981st Test and we all know what happened in 1981. Not just the Royal wedding but Brearley's comeback and an Ashes triumph.

Finn takes it easy

2010-11-27T04:35:00.000-08:00

THIRD DAY
To lunch: I felt that, despite the huge Aussie score and the massive stand for the sixth wicket, there was big encouragement for England. The first session showed their bowlers at their best even though by the interval Hussey had 124 and Haddin 79 at 329-5.

To tea: The pair were still together but none of the five England bowlers was conceding four an over and although Anderson, their best fielder, dropped Haddin on 113 436-5 did not seem insurmountable. Broad, who needed treatment for blisters on his feet, did not take a wicket but Hussey apparently said he was the most difficult. Score 436-5.

To close To his credit Strauss had kept Finn fresh and, with that easy action that makes bowling look pleasurable, the new boy finished with six wickets as Australia lost five for 45. Hussey was caught pulling - his most productive stroke - for 195 and Haddin was smartly taken low at slip by Collingwood, showing wonderful concentration. Strauss and Cook batted easily to the end; of course the big trial comes on day four.

Jo King, stats Queen says: England controlled the game so effectively that the Hussey-Haddin stand of 307 spanned 93 overs, more than a day's play. Put it another way. Australia scored at 3.88 at Brisbane in 2006, 3.72 at Cardiff in 2009 and 3.07 at Brisbane in 2010.

Mr. Cricket hits mid-wicket

2010-11-26T03:11:00.000-08:00

SECOND DAY

To lunch: Anderson bowled maiden after maiden but just one wicket fell, magic balls were few and far between and Australia were 96 for the loss of Watson.

To tea: What a different story in the afternoon. (Text from outer Brisbane said "Listen to us sing!") Ponting was out in the first over, Katich went three runs later and Clarke looked, frankly, like a batsman suffering back problems. He needed 50 balls to score nine before he gave Prior his 100th Test dismissal. (Good isn't it that we don't even think of him as a poor keeper any more.) North lasted only eight balls before he became Swann's first victim and at 143-5 it seemed England had a stranglehold.

To close: Hussey - finished according to the Aussie papers a few days ago - and Haddin batted from the tea score of 168-5 to the close at 220. Now it looks as if Australia will establish a healthy lead on first innings. Blame the bowlers. They fed Hussey a regular supply of long hops which he hit to mid wicket for four. Simple for Mr. Cricket.

A text without words arrives "from my Blackberry." A month ago my little Lotto lot could not afford the bus fare to pick blackberries. Now they are living like Royalty but a tipsy Royalty I suspect.

Jo King, stat Queen, says: Hussey, unbeaten on 81, desperately needs a century. His average has slipped from almost 80 after the 2006-7 series, to 52.65 in 2009 and 49.75 at the start of this series. He may be top scorer so far in this game but he is clearly at a career crossroads.

Man of the match already

2010-11-24T23:54:00.000-08:00

Test match No. 1981. Is that significant?

To lunch. We didn't think it was our lucky number - Botham and all that - after the third ball when Strauss cut a ball that dipped in straight to slip. What a miserable moment after winning the toss and declaring he could not wait to start. At 41 Jonathon Trott was bowled following an hour of painful batting. Lunch 86-2 and KP looking good while Cook stumbled but survived.

To tea. Even though four were out for 172, England seemed set fair for a decent if not spectacular score. Wrong again. Pietersen was caught at slip but Collingwood lasted only ten minutes. Bell survived a dropped catch by the keeper and was solid in footwork and technique while Cook was improving. Then at 197 the sky fell in.

The close. Cook edged Siddle to Watson's midriff for 67, Prior played anywhere but straight next ball and, despite an appeal, Broad was lbw - all to Siddle. A hat trick! Wow. Now which side was on top as England surveyed the wreckage of 197-7.

Siddle, on his 26th birthday and a year after his last Test, had bowled dynamically at no more than 82 miles an hour. Man of the match already. I wished Alec Bedser, who disapproved of all fast bowling, had been alive to see a classic display of fast medium in the way of Sydney Barnes, Maurice Tate and a dozen other Englishmen. It was not Australian bowling which is usually seven or eight miles an hour quicker; the nearest modern example is Shaun Pollock, an underestimated great South African.

Bell, Swann and Anderson scrambled a few more; England 260. Katich, hopping around like Kim Barnett on speed AND a hot tin roof, and Watson scored 25. Australia's day by a kangeroo kilometer. Day one of 30 had been an England disaster.

From my sofa I got a couple of glimpses of the Lotto lot. I guess they had had something to drink; they looked so happy. As for their promised texts of wisdom about the reasons for this mayhem - not a word. I hope they enjoyed Siddle and Australia as they made a major contribution to one of the great days of Ashes cricket.

Jo King, Queen Stat, says: Peter Siddle's magnificent hat trick was the 11th by an Australian bowler; the first was by Fred Spofforth, aged 25, 6ft 3in and, judging from his pictures thin as a super model. "A swarthy, black-haired lady killer with long sideburns, a droopy moustache and surplus vitality" so the old books say. His hat trick came in the Melbourne Test of 1878-9 and from that moment legends grew round the quick bowler. Those same books say he rode to and from a match in Victoria to Sydney by horse - a round trip of 400 miles. Eventually he settled in Surrey, played until he was more than 50 and died, aged 73, leaving the equivalent today of £3m.

Hours later an unprintable text arrives. I think it fair to translate it as a day of disappointment. For those near and far.

Verdict time

2010-11-24T01:53:00.000-08:00

Ted Corbett, veteran of a million Test days, says: It's the eve of the - if you listen to all the TV and radio bull - most important Test in history and I am dead worried that the fighting Aussies might squeeze out a series victory 1-0. Oz ought to lose because they are a poor side, with a mix of old and raw and suffering all the misery like bad selections, Michael Clarke's bad back and, unjustified ambition from their fans, that goes with losing. Logically England 3-1.

Jo King, Statistician Royal, says: Do not, Andrew Strauss, on pain of an hour under the water board, put the Aussies in. Understood? Len Hutton did, lost by an innings, won the series and got a knighthood. Nasser Hussain still cannot believe, eight years on, that he said: "We'll field." Peter May won the toss at Brisbane in 1959 but Nasser is the only one since and where is his tap on the shoulder. If the captain does as he is told England 2-1

The rich guys in the Gabba: Sorry to be so down but we will follow KP all the way back to the pavilion - and still cheer an England victory here. As for the series, well, not so sure. A draw maybe 2-2

Greg Orry, Aussie barracker, says: I can't back the Aussies but I trust England can win with a bit of style 3-0.

A shocker awaits

2010-11-23T04:06:00.000-08:00

Just a few hours to go but my rich friends have been busy. "We've kept you a seat," says one text. So have I. My sofa opposite the world's biggest TV set and next to the DAB radio on which to hear the intelligent commentary of the radio chaps Agnew, Marks and the rest describing what I am about to see one second later. You know about all that satellite delay, don't you. I shall have coffee when needed, a hard frost outside and the company of my favourite stats lady who promises to provide us with one delicious fact a day for the duration of the Ashes. You can read my commentary soon after close of play - if I stay awake. And don't worry. The new rich will read this paragraph and pass the ticket on. The seat will not be wasted, either in the middle of the Fens or in the middle of the Gabba. In 24 hours, by the way, you can read my assessment of the five Tests and unless I have a major change of mind you may received a shock.

How many?

2010-11-18T01:35:00.000-08:00

SEVENTEEN in the Australian Test squad! SEVENTEEN! And one of the ex-Test men said at 4.30am GMT that any of the Australia A team might ALSO by included. Perhaps a squad of TWENTY in total. Maybe more? Any youngish Aussie with his own whites? Ricky Ponting could spend more time telling players they are not wanted than setting the field. Watch it, Straussy, you may have the better side but you are going to be seriously outnumbered.

No kidding!

2010-11-16T03:42:00.000-08:00

Greg, the young Aussie, leads the Ashes Five off to Hobart for the final match before the first Test, 30 degrees Celcius cooler north in Brisbane. Four of the England party don't make the trip so they can get used to the Brisbane heat. Kate texts: "God is it bloody cold. Even the one horse is shivering. Greg keeps going on at me to sleep with him and if it gets two degrees cooler I'll have to give in. Ooops, sorry, I have given in. Bloody hell that was quick! Where is young Bobby when a girl needs a knight in shining armour. Oh, well,at least no Aussie can get me pregnant." Bobby is the young cricketer who tags along when he can't get an overseas gig for the winter. Nice girl Kate and you are never sure when she is kidding.

Jimmy riddle

2010-11-11T01:38:00.000-08:00

We are worried about Jimmy Anderson. Now that Paul Collingwood - good old reliable Colly, stout heart, hero of the last Ashes Test at Adelaide and all round good fella - has made a few runs it is clear that the team that is playing against South Australia must play in the first Test, 15 days hence. Except for Jimmy, victim of a nasty blow to the ribs, behind with his training, his match fitness and all his other preparations, and, who knows, not ready for five days in the Brisbane sun. So let us be prepared for him to sit it out and - perhaps - Tim Bresnan to fill in, just for one Test. If Steven Finn is a success - and I expect him to be - Anderson may have to sit out at least one other Test so that Monty Panesar, the weapon Shane Warne thinks ought to be sitting at home in Northamptonshire, staring at his navel, can strike fear into the Aussies.

Strauss the hero

2010-11-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

England win their first match against Western Australia mainly due to a century from Andrew Strauss. His batting will be a key to the series as Alistair Cook has had two poor innings and the predictions that Kevin Pietersen will come good one day soon are proving to be half true at best. I am expecting a lot from Jonathon Trott too.

Meanwhile, four hours flying time away in Brisbane, life is proceeding in the way you might expect. Other tourists are finding that the Aussie dollar rate for the pound sterling is making food and, not least of all, drink expensive. Not for our merry Lotto lunatics. They have gone over to single word texts. So far I have had two "WILD!", one "You Must Join Us Pronto" and today "Ouch, me ead urts." Regular updates on this blog or, if their previous form is anything to go by, reports from the nearest magistrates court.

Decision time

2010-11-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

That settles it. The gang are willing to pay for me and the missus to travel out to Oz and find us a nice hotel but I reckon it will be better for me to stay here, sit up all night and watch on my lovely large TV with coffee and the wind howling in the trees. I will get the gang to text their impressions and the bizarre details and I will write, say, 400 words three times a day from each Test. All I have to do is find them an exciting bet - they don't need the money do they - and I am working on that, I don't regret my decision to stay at home. Australia has changed since 1982 when I first dropped into Sydney airport, had a fine old row with two Customs ladies (I'm being generous here you understand) and arrived in Brisbane several hours late. Much more authoritarian, much less fun, more controlled, less "She'll be apples" which was their way of saying "don't worry" and too obviously peopled not just by the descendants of convicts but by the great, great grandchildren of policemen and prison warders. Pity. I used to love every trip but in the end Melbourne reminds you of Manchester, Adelaide is cute like Aberdeen but hotter and even vibrant, exciting old Sydney goes a murky grey.

The Lotto party

2010-11-01T04:18:00.000-07:00

My friends could not possibly keep their secret to themselves for long. After several emails, texts, SMSs and the like - going "Ha bloody Ha" and "U just don't no do u" - they finally front up. "As it is your birthday," says their first honest message - " we'd better tell you what is going on." They claim to be in the "only eight star hotel in the southern hemisphere" and living on champagne and dangerous chemicals. How come this change in lifestyle for a bunch who would certainly have struggled to keep their rust bucket car in petrol if they had stuck to the original plan and driven Nottingham to Sydney. "Kate's cousin who is not on her Christmas card list after he fails her dramatically one long evening of drink and all the rest is one of an extended family who win that big prize on the Euro Lotto and her lets her have a tiny bit as part of his divi up and she asks for more and says 'you are on a permanent promise' and he sends along a few bobs. So the four of us - Kate, the lad, the vet and the other waitress known as Busty - fly here first class, book into this nice, highly-recommended hotel and party." And finally "Send us your tip for a good bet and we will put a few bobs on for you as well as us." I am thinking about it.

The mystery deepens

2010-10-31T02:15:00.000-07:00

An enigmatic text arrives. "You'll never guess where we are!!!" No, indeed. It is the text from a group who have no regard for the value of money, completely secure in their finances, happy to waste a few bob on a nothing message. Well, two can play at that game. "Who cares" I go. And wait.

Desert Pong

2010-10-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

It's almost the end of October, there is a distinct chill in the air, the players are on their way and it has been a while since I heard a word from the travel group without a clue. "Help" is not even a decent hint when you don't have an itinerary, an estimated time of arrival or even a phone number that works. I try ringing various mobiles until I find one with the right number on the floor of the garage. What a bunch of helpless souls they are; probably stuck in the desert, without food and water or any defence against the Mardi and his savage camel cavalry. I'll give 'em four feathers when I see them. Still 32 days before the first Test in Brisbane and Jon Agnew, on Five Live to plug his new book, says England must be expected to win ack the Ashes. Makes you feel sure that, er, almost anything can happen. Especially when the Hopeless Heroes are stuck in a sand dune somewhere. . .

Help!

2010-10-13T02:19:00.000-07:00

October 13 - and it is 28 years exactly since I flew to Australia for my first major tour. I have since realised that Bob Willis and his men almost drew that series. If there had been modern technology - I was still using a typewriter and sending my copy by telex - John Dyson would have been run out by Willis's direct hit in the first over of the final Test a couple of days after England had won the fourth Test. Instead by the final day it was down to Bob Taylor to provide the memorable moment by kissing the turf as his trips Down Under - so often fruitless while he waited for Alan Knott to trip over a carpet or be carried off by a dingo - came to an end. By the way, did you notice that the dingo baby case is still being fought out in Oz? Incidentally the news from our overland travellers is not good. I guess. Today I had a text which simply said: "Help." Where it came from or what sort of help was appropriate I cannot tell. I bet they're in the seats at the Gabba 44 days hence all the same.

Travelling hopefully . . .

2010-10-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

So from the beginning of the Test series I will be offering my thoughts on (a) England's progress and, I guess, (b) Australia's resistance.

All the old gang, including the guys from the cafe, will be onside with me and - what else would you expect - they will want to throw in their twopennyworth. No matter what the result we will be there until the end but we will only cover the one-day series if it looks interesting.

Why? Well, and this is the first serious opinion of the Australian adventure, surely one-day cricket is drawing to an inevitable close. Let me know if you feel I am wrong - or right come to that - and we can have a lively debate.

Before the Tests begin there is one other little adventure to be watched. The lads and lasses from the cafe tell me they have plans to drive overland to Australia. Oh dear. Through Iran and Afghanistan? I do hope they survive but that they have enough trials and tribulations to make an interesting story before we restart my New Ashes Diary Down Under.

We're back!

2010-10-07T05:25:00.000-07:00

By the time the England team arrive in Oz the New Ashes Diary will be watching their every move. All the old favourites will be back on board but to get the full story so tune in again on Sunday - 10-10-10 appropriately - and find all our plans to support Andrew Strauss and his Outlaw Band as they tramp across the wide brown land leaving their opponents begging for mercy.

Well, we can all dream, can't we.

Farewell

2009-09-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

Time to say good-bye, I'm afraid.

The Big Ashes are finished, won by England as we thought they might be, even though the margin was not the 3-1 I too optimistically forecast.

The Baby Ashes are over too, won by Australia with extraordinary elan considering that they had just been knocked off their perch at the top of the world rankings as well as losing the Ashes.

Those Aussies have no worries, as I am sure they have said to themselves. Any side that can rise from defeat with a smile and a straight bat, forgetting their captain for the first four matches while he was back home to win as convincingly as they did in the one-day series can do anything.

Did you hear any complaints about tiredness? Did they, by word or deed, suggest that a seven-match one-day tournament just before the Champions Trophy was a step too far? Did they ever complain about anything?

I bet they did but it was always in the privacy of their own team room. By the end I was a convert.

Now it is England who have to put things right. I suspect they need a new coach, a new captain; a cure for Kevin Pietersen's knee and support for his spectacular batting from someone like Jonathon Trott; a new wicket-keeper, although I admire the work Matthew Prior has done to improve his glove work; another spinner to help Graeme Swann; a new Andrew Flintoff.

Freddie is still not properly appreciated. Two writers in particular are vying to do him down, to imply motives he never had, to suggest money is his only motive. And what if it is?

He has stretched body and soul to breaking point for England and decided that now it is time for a little me time. Why not?

I suspect there is an element of snobbishness in this damnation of Freddie from men whose only danger is choking on their silver birth spoon. I know who I would rather have in my team; the man with the courage to buck the conservative trend.

Good luck, Freddie, for you have chosen a difficult and dangerous path. I hope it is a success for you and for those many who will follow.

A win with spin

2009-09-20T02:04:00.000-07:00

Chester-le-Street. Seventh one-day international

Preview

So it has come to this: in the north of Durham an England side takes on the Aussies with the determination "we must not allow the scoreline to read 7-0" in front of a few thousand spectators while 15,000 runners compete, just a few miles away, in the Great North Run.

Someone should hang their heads in shame; the Ashes winners are a better side than this. But, the declaration by the selectors that they will only change the squad within certain norrow limits, the tiredness of the players, the thought of the ICC tournament in South Africa lookng next week and the effort required to win the Ashes have all taken their toll.

You might ask why the Aussies are not in the same state at the end of a long tour which began with the T20 four months ago. If we knew the answer to that question we would know how to put right the wrongs that afflict the whole of English cricket.

Australian innings

When Graeme Swann found a place in the England side a man who has watched him develop told me that "he is now the complete bowler, sure of himself and able to vary his method according to the conditions.

Swann proved all those words of praise at the Riverside by collecting five wickets for his best one-day figures and being mainly instrumental in their failure to complete their 50 overs.

This extrovert off-spinner even contrived to celebrate Brett Lee's wicket with a couple of heel clicks in the Lee manner.

I suspect that Ricky Ponting saw what was coming and he was Swann's outstanding victim for yet another one-day fifty. Ponting, Michael Clarke and Michael Hussey were the only batsmen to make worthwhile contributions to the 176.

When England bat we will see if Australia's bowlers can reproduce the movement off the pitch in cool north Durham that brought about England's chance to achieve the glory that goes with a 6-1 defeat.

England innings

Well, they achieved their victory but only after they had stumbled, stuttered, limped and hobbled through ten overs as they lost six wickets after Andrew Strauss and Joe Denly's century stand.

The outcome was victory by four wickets with ten overs to spare but it was a success which mocked the claim by the great Tiger Wood that "a win is a win." This win was a credit only to Swann but he needs a captain with more imagination and a greater conviction that spin can bring results.

Frankly, it would have been better if they had lost. Now there will always be a suspicion that Australia took their foot off the gas.

Waiting game

2009-09-18T06:55:00.000-07:00

The cafe: this morning. Me and the old timer.

"I went tha knows," he said. His accent gets stronger when he's annoyed.

"Went where?"

"Trent Bridge. My lad posted me his ticket. He's got mumps or gout or measles or sommat. 50 quid. Well, it was nice of him. I got the train, bought a pint when I got there, had a couple of sandwiches in the supper break when I - daft of course but I am getting on a bit - thought we'd win. That's another £27 to get there and eat and drink. Still, I thought I've got this free ticket and it were nice of our kid to send it through. I felt guilty tha knows. Thought I ought to send him t'cost of t'postage or somethin'."

"And you enjoyed the match?"

"I kept lookin' round for someone to say something to. Like why is Straussy? but he sets too many questions that lad. In the end you have to say he doesn't understand the game and how it can be played. Like we played it 40 years ago. I know I were not much cop when you compare me with the likes of May and Cowdrey and Dexter and Mike Smith but we knew what was going on. If the ball was up in the air there was no need to shout 'Catch it!' What the bloody hell else were you going to do? Kick it into touch?"

"You didn't enjoy the match then?"

"Liked the Aussies. Nice straight bats. One sweep in 50 overs. Never were a business stroke. 'Look at me' sort of a shot. Particularly reverse sweep. Festival stuff. England played dozens. Oh, and Sven Goran Eriksson was there. Tiny, neat, dapper, bit of a baby face. Perhaps he'd have sorted them."

"Like he sorted those ladies?" I giggled. "But what are you saying. Aussies the better side and lost the Ashes?" I wanted to get a reaction.

"I know what you're thinking. No, never. Doesn't make sense. Toss away a winning bonus? There's no sense in that. But cricket knowledge, understanding of the game and tactics; only one side on the field."

"What's the answer then?"

"Too many 'lets wait' merchants in charge. Nobody takin' an initiative. 'We'll have a committee meeting and then decide. Oh, next over then? No the over after that. Things might get better.' You can wait too long. But you know that."

"After watching the last two matches I'm not sure I know anything," I said. "Two coffees, please," I said, "and give this gentleman a strong one. He's just praised the Aussies. I think he can't be feeling well."

Oh, the Paine

2009-09-17T02:57:00.000-07:00

Trent Bridge. Sixth one-day international

Preview

Three hours before the start of this match, under heavy cloud that will never produce rain, it is difficult to see what England can gain. They are 5-0 down, Luke Wright who could use international appearances to boost his street cred, is out of the series, and the spirit of the whole side is clear down rather than up.

In the short term they will be lucky to qualify for the second stage of the Champions Trophy, in the medium term they lack Kevin Pietersen and in the long term it is unlikely that Andrew Flintoff, rapidly becoming a remote figure because he wants to freelance, will ever play for England again.

It is a lonely life being a freelance Freddie. Believe me, I know.

Australian innings

After winning the toss for the first time in the series, Australia celebrated by reminding us that when they return in four years some of their young players will be stars. Tim Paine, stand-in wicket-keeper and opening batsman, hit 111 off 148 balls - with a quiet time in the 90s - his first one-day hundred full of attractive shots through the offside and the basis for the score of 296-8. Michael Hussey added 65 just in case we had written him off after a moderate tour but he will be 38 by the time the Aussies are here again.

England innings

From the moment Andrew Strauss was given out caught behind off the second ball - wrongly - his batsmen sought out new ways to be pathetic. Five passed 20 yet only Tim Bresnan reached 30 as they were all out 185 to lose by their nightmare number 111 and fail to bat out their overs. Ricky Ponting, a batting flop for the first time since his mini holiday, produced two dead-eye strikes to run out Matt Prior and Ravi Bopara which settles his future. With that sort of hand-eye co-ordination he could be a top class professional darts player when his cricket days come to an end. Meanwhile he will want to make the series score 7-0 at Chester-le-Street on Sunday; no world side has ever lost 7-0 and England deserve to be the first.

ITYS

2009-09-16T02:08:00.000-07:00

We are seeing the biggest revolution. No, not since Packer, not since Bodyline, not since the lawn mower meant pitches fit to bat on. The biggest revolution in the game's history.

Since I suggested that Andrew Flintoff was ready to go freelance - my own status for the last 20 years so I sympathise and understand - he has confirmed that he has turned down the ECB contract and will choose his own paymasters in future.

Today the Professional Cricketers Association have said Freddie will just be one of many. The pace quickens, a new world awaits the bold players willing to tread the same path as Freddie with Kevin Pietersen the most likely to follow in his footsteps.

I know KP has said he wants to continue to play in Tests. If I were his manager I would hope to negotiate with the ECB to make that possible.

In the meantime I am busy leaning out of the window and shouting "I Told You So." If you doubt my word read Monday's blog.

Read my Tuesday blog if you want to find the reason. Cricket in England is in a state of confusion on the field and in the boardroom.

The wrong players are being chosen, based on Buggins Turn rather than need and merit.

England will continue to play 50-50 cricket at international level but we no longer have a domestic tournament to use as a training ground.

One captain resigns in frustration; a second is sacked for suggesting that the players don't like the coach; the third is what you might expect of a third choice leader.

Is it too much to expect action from ECB? That will come all right. Any day now they will set up a working party, a sub committee, an inquiry. ECB have done it before and just look where we are right now.

Perfect Ponting

2009-09-15T03:15:00.000-07:00

Trent Bridge Fifth one-day international

Preview

After the Lord Mayor's Show, there is at least a chance of a whitewash. Australia, who won the first three games entirely on the back of England's inadequate performances, have strengthened the side by the inclusion of Ricky Ponting; England have made no attempt to bolster their wretched batting by, for instance, calling up Jonathon Trott.

An injury to Luke Wright has forced the selectors to add Demitri Mascharanas but their determination to work strictly on the basis of who is next in line - as if they were setting tables for a dinner involving the Royals - means there is no room for Trott

There is no place for lateral thinking in a panel consisting of Geoff Miller, Ashley Giles and James Whittaker.Nice guys all but what would we give for the brain power of one of the Sky commentary team. I hear they are consulted from time to time but their words fall on deaf ears.

England innings

Only a cruel critic could find fault with the England 299, put together in a way which suited those who believe cricket is a team game. Eoin Morgan was the only batsman to pass fifty yet only the two tailenders Tim Bresnan and Ryan Sidebottom had enough time to make double figures. For once Andrew Strauss, who won the toss for the fifth match in a row, was not top scorer. Morgan produced a couple of his magic shots and we heard a very strange sound. The England support cheering. It has been a while since that happened.

Australian innings

I can only assume that when Ponting went home for a week he told the team: "Let me go to see the family and I promise you won't have to worry about batting when I return."! Tonight he made 126, hit two of the biggest sixes Trent Bridge has ever seen and ensured Australia won by four wickets with 11 balls left. It was one of his finest innings - among 27 one-day international hundreds - and it must have laid the ghost of that Gary Pratt run-out in the Test defeat in 2005. Four years on England's fielding was wretched and my guess is that when Strauss returned to the dressing room the fury in his face translated to strong language.

Tomorrow's world

2009-09-14T03:32:00.000-07:00

Chubby Chandler, Andrew Flintoff's manager, says Freddie is considering whether to accept the offer of an ECB one-day contract or go freelance. First he needs to see how his limbs shape up after his most recent operation.

I will add two points to what Mr. Chandler says. I doubt if Freddie will play for England again and if he does turn into a gun-for-hire professional there will be any number of guys ready to join him.

I have thought for a couple of years - since IPL and the other T20 leagues hit the headlines - that this is the way forward for a talented professional cricketer.

The new career structure reads something like this: join a county, state or province in the your teens, progress to your Test side, play for a few years at international level and then, probably in your mid-20s, offer your services to the highest bidder.

Stuart Broad is an obvious candidate for such a path but before long AB De Villiers, almost every young New Zealand and Zimbabwean cricketer, Adil Rashid, and most of the players in the Indian sub-continent, will want to try their luck in the new bish-bash.

Good luck to them. It is no use crying over spilt Ashes; five days devoted to a single match is so very not 21st century.

Lead the way, Freddie and watch ECB and the rest complain about the end of loyalty, the breakdown in traditional values and the end of life as our grandparents used to know it.

It will be yet another case of me saying I Told You So But No-one Listened. So what else is new. T20 played by freelance cricketers in 25 matches a year, funded by happy TV companies and even happier sponsors and watched by millions.

Knock-out Lee

2009-09-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

Lord's. Fourth one-day international

Preview

So the team bosses have given Paul Collingwood and James Anderson a couple of days off. Not before time but not for long enough. If the pair had been told to go home until the end of the season, never even think about cricket, it would have been a much bigger, better gesture. Colly once told me off for suggesting rain would cancel a match and give them all a rest. By the haggard look on his face I would not get the same reply today; Anderson looks as if a year in solitary confinement would do him the world of good. They deserve more consideration but then cricketers don't think the way the rest of us do.

By the way, the story on the street is that Kevin Pietersen may not be fit for the tour of South Africa. Such rumours are not always true but it will be serious if he is missing. I just hope the selectors don't send him hoping he will get fit. He is far too valuable for that sort of thinking. (See first paragraph for a clue about selection tactics.)

England innings

Instead of Four Weddings and a Funeral we had Four Yorkers and a Slip Catch - all engineered by Brett Lee at his grinning, heel-clicking, finger-wagging best. He even threw in a wicket-maiden when he began England's descent from 96-1 to 220 all out with 21 balls unused. The slip catch removed Joe Denly but Matt Prior, Luke Wright, Stuart Broad and Adil Rashid all fell to 90-miles-an-hour yorkers after Nathan Hauritz had bowled ten overs for 23 runs. The first blow was struck by the Ricky Ponting who gave Lee the last over with the scruffy ball - 33 overs old - to get rid of Prior. England were, in the main, dreadful again. I almost forgot to mention Andrew Strauss won the toss and made yet another fifty. How long before he needs a bit of time off?

Australian innings

I had hoped that the kindly Australians might be merciful and finish the match in 35 overs or so but they needed almost 44 before Michael Clarke and Callum Ferguson scampered the single that brought victory - and the series, of course - by seven wickets. England never came close to victory, not once. Ponting led the way but to be truthful his side did not need heroics; England's bowling was only a fraction more impressive than their frightened, fearful, feckless batting. They go to the Champions Trophy, four days after this tournament ends in the cool of Durham, without a prayer.

Down time

2009-09-10T04:23:00.000-07:00

Imagine how the England cricketers feel this morning. They are the winners of the Ashes, which they have known since childhood was the greatest pinnacle an England cricketer can achieve, gone home told the kids, their mates and, eventually, the missus just what heroes they are.

Four days later they are back on the treadmill - a warm-up one-day match in Ireland, T20 games and then seven one-day matches - and all against Australia who are all a-buzz at the thought of a bit of revenge.

One-day games have never been all that popular with the England professionals; "who remembers the results by the next morning" they used to chant in unison. Now, 40 years on, fewer people care. These odis are either a money spinner or worthless. But the money is useful. Just remember how cross Kerry Packer was when Rod Marsh placed such matches at the bottom of his hit list.

It is not just the seven one-day games by mid-September, from Southampton to Durham. Afterwards there is the Champions Trophy, the tour of South Africa, the lucrative but mind-blowingly tiring T20 stuff (all played in heat touching heights that make Englishmen shiver) and a new level of expectation simply because they are the Ashes holders.

Last time England won back the Ashes in 2005, they celebrated so hard that the good was soon undone. Now all the good is being undermined by hard work.

My bet is that the players feel let down. They wanted to listen to the standing ovations, absorb their hero status slowly.

I bet they resent these seven hellish 50-overs of torture and the idea of putting their bodies, the minds and their spirit on the line four more times is just too difficult to contemplate.

So don't be surprised if the scoreline on SEptember 20 reads Australia 7 England 0 - give or take the odd rain break - or if Ricky Ponting decides that his men are going so well he can take a longer holiday.

Who would blame him? Certainly not the England boys who would love to dangle their own toes in the hotel swimming pool for a day or two.

Weary England

2009-09-09T02:15:00.000-07:00

The Rose Bowl. Third one-day international

Preview

Paul Collingwood says he is tired, James Anderson looks worn out and there is a batsman - no names but he gets run out a lot - who is clearly too exhausted to think straight. Freddie has gone to Dubai to recuperate (nice work if you can afford it), KP doesn't know when he will be fit and the selectors are so worried about Adil Rashid's stamina they daren't play him two games in a row. Australia are fit and desperate to avenge the Ashes defeat and full of bull as usual. What's to preview? The Aussies again, of course. 3-0.

England innings

Not just tired but lacking initiative, dynamism and drive, England staggered to 228-9 which might have been 200 but for a display of hard-nosed Yorkshire commonsense by Tim Bresnan and Ryan Sidebottom in the last six overs. Hampshire's money man Ron Brandsgrove said before the match he hoped the pitch had improved. I hear uplifting stories about the man's willingness to part with his cash but he will have to spend more to get batsmen to enjoy this sluggish strip. Andrew Strauss again batted superbly but who was calling the shots, urging more strokes, ordering the power plays? No-one, it seemed.

Australian innings

At about the same time England's footballers were beating Croatia to ensure they went to South Africa for the finals of the World Cup, Strauss's Ashes heroes - yes it is just 16 days ago - were dragging themselves off the field, beaten by six wickets with nine balls remaining. Their star batsmen had performed badly, now their best bowlers were nudged around by an out-of-form Michael Clarke, who still managed 52 and smashed around by an out-of-position Cameron White who hit 105. It gives Australia the chance to complete a whitewash. To see the downbeat expressions on the faces of the England players you would certainly not bet against 7-0.

Heart and soul

2009-09-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

A long way from nowhere the Rose Bowl
Trying so hard to find a soul
Bunting and tenting and banners
Cash to spend and generous manners

Give it time and the moment will come
Some brave deeds and a bottle of rum
Hampshire need heroes to fill their new ground
Oh, I wish Greenidge was still around

Soul defines cricket fields,
More than run yields
Elite men too; imagine Bristol without Grace
Or Hammond to set the pace

My own favourite is a shocker
You can say I'm off my rocker
Grace Road on its day
Once Illy taught 'em to play

It's a rough sort of ground
Not lovely but sound
Mundane and routine red brick
Just like Illy, not missing a trick

He assembled a team to suit the place
Hard nuts, bravehearts, never an ace
Scrappers and scrapers, triers galore
You could hear the purists call it "Illy's bore"

His tried and trusted dozen
Soon got buzzin'
Won a title or three
Not artists but busy as a bee

Each time I go, I see those work-d-day pros
Many a thistle, few like a rose
Sweatin' 'n' cussin' and scratchin' their arse
Well, that's how it was; hard cricket no farce

No, you don't need artistry as you win
Lots of skill and a little sin,
By the end of the season, you've carried coal
Won yourself a title and got a soul

Right selection

2009-09-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

The cafe. Kate, on her own. Me in a corner reading The Times. The veteran arrives, looking harrassed.

"Get us two nice strong coffees, Kate, please and" (in a whisper) "when the time comes it's his turn to pay. You all right, then, old son?" I say.

He grunts. "England. Bad team selection. Left out young Rashid when it was time to show you knew how well he played. Frightened team, you can see the tension. Tell me, summat. Who won the bloody Ashes, anyway? Us? Them? United States second eleven? Uncle Tom Whatsit and his mob? I thought we did."

"We are a better side than them," I go. "We put 'em in, get most of 'em out for a reasonable score and then bat like frightened rabbits. What's up?"

"I've just seen the telly but every time I get a glimpse of the boss class - Miller, Flower, Gibson, Morgan - they look frit as well. That's why I'm asking. The Aussies throw the Ashes away with bad everything; but it's us as looks underdogs and them that keep grinning. Lee, Clarke the captain, that Mitchell Whatsit; all laughing. He's the worst, that other left-armer. Chatting, laughing, giggling; what have they got to be so happy about. Sight of us batting, I suppose." He's is in a right state, the old lad.

"Is that lad coming?" It's Kate, behind the counter, a cup of his tea latte favourite in hand.

"No," says the old lad. "He won't be here for a while. He was 88 not out and going some when I slipped across the road. Could be his first proper hundred."

"It's my mate," says Kate. "She got a trick or two to sort out young sportsmen. Look at that footballer she went out with; England player now. What's that tennis player called - you know, tall, Irish and pretty eyes. A couple of days with her and he was twice the player."

The door flies open and it's the kid. "Where is she?" he wants to know.

"Doing a shift at the other shop," says Kate, quick, rather too quick. "Why, what's up?"

"She's supposed to be at the ground. I know I'm going to make at least 150 today and I say 'Come and watch' but no sign of her. I'll have to get back," he says, "we've declared. I got 111," he says and rushes out.

"Nice lad," says Kate.

"Where's she then?" I ask.

"Don't know," says Kate, looking sly. "There is a marathon runner around. Another nice lad. She can pick 'em."

"England can't," we say. "They know nothing about the game."

Defeat again

2009-09-06T01:49:00.000-07:00

Lord's Second one-day international

Preview

Come on, England. What happened on Friday at the Oval is simply not good enough. The efforts of the tail put the top six to shame. They look so feeble without KP you wonder if they are possibly be a Champions Trophy success. Just tell them that Andrew Strauss; it really is time for the big stick and not even the smell of a carrot It will be most instructive to see how the team get on without Stuart Broad who is injured. He has inherited the Spirit of Flintoff - that is, he is worth more than the sum of his batting, bowling and fielding - and there seems to be no-one else with that life force.

Australia innings

Having put Australia in - as they did at the Oval - it looked for a long time as if England had produced another above par performance - as they did at the Oval. But just as Mitchell Johnson arrived at the crease the stats-happy noted that the average score at Lord's in the last ten odi first innings was 218. Johnson, whose odi average is an incredibly low eight, proceeded to hit 43 off 25 so that Australia finished on 249-8, setting a total that was a couple of inches too far away.

England innings

As England collapsed to lose by 39 runs you might have thought there could not possibly be any more bad news. But right on cue it came. Andrew Flintoff has developed a deep vein thrombosis - with the potential for all sorts of damage - in the leg on which he had his recent operation. Ironicaly, the idea of the op was that he would concentrate on one-day cricket in future. Once again the England top order failed to consolidate a decent start made by Andrew Strauss and Ravi Bopara, once again the middle order looked feeble and I suppose they missed Flintoff. Oh, and just in case you feel that things cannot get any worse, Ricky Ponting will be back for the fourth match in the series on Saturday.

Easy pickings

2009-09-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

Don't worry about the poor, defeated Poms. They don't like winning. It is the secret of their failure. Fred Trueman told me that in the middle of a row with Colin Cowdrey in Australia, Cowdrey barked at him: "The trouble with you Yorkshiremen is that you think cricket is about winning. Well, it's not." The trouble with the conversation is that neither understood the other. Last night you could see the old Tyke Ryan Sidebottom and the new Tyke Adil Rashid wanted to win desperately; but I was not sure anyone else did, except maybe for Graeme Swann, a misplaced Yorkshireman if ever I saw one.

I came to the conclusion somewhere in the wee, small hours that Nasser Hussain was right and that this Australian side are ready for the picking. It could still be 6-1 although there is September rain and cold to consider. By the way, if anyone sees Greg tell him his money (£10 at 5-1 England to win) is safe.

Hero Rashid

2009-09-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

The Oval. First one-day international

Preview

Nasser Hussain wrote this week that Australia's team may be their worst one-day side of all time. Interesting comment, Nass.

Australian innings

It was, in my memory, one of England's finest performances. Their fielding was slick, starting with Paul Collingwood's snappy throw to get rid of the wicket-keeper-opener Tim Paine, by way of Graeme Swann's quick throw to run out the all-rounder Cameron White and their brisk fielding generally. They kept Australia to 260 on a typical Oval batting pitch, bowled to a plan and backed up their best bowler Adil Rashid who must have won a place on the South African tour with an unbroken, testing spell. You might be right, Nass.

England innings

Rashid also played the hero at the end of the innings but England still lost by four runs. The chase was too difficult when Rashid, Luke Wright and Graeme Swann got to the wicket after indecisive batting from the middle order. Even though it was Mission Impossible by the time the lower middle order got in Michael Clarke, captain for the day, was still behaving like a demented soul as he tried to block off the runs. You may be right, Nass.

Fun time

2009-09-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

Two T20 internationals - the People's Games - ruined by rain. Someone is missing the point.

T20 is a piece of nonsense, a bit of fun, three hours of giggle. Bring 20,000 people together, charge them £40 a head, open the bars, maintain family areas and let them all enjoy themselves.

At the same time we don't want star players to be hurt as they might have been if the second game at Old Trafford had been played.

The trouble is that the authorities, the player and the match officials have to take it seriously.

So lets cut out that aspect of the matches. Ask ICC to stop pretending there is a global league table for T20 and have a competitive aspect only when the T20 World Cup is staged.

Encourage the nations to pick teams of promising starlets, guys at the end of their careers, even a few prominent league players and, dare I mention it, a couple of the women Test players.

Tell them they must play unless it is raining balls and stumps. If the quick bowlers cannot find a foothold - bowl a bit slower. Find a side of the pitch they can bowl from. Take the must-win, death or glory, we need to points to get to the top of the world rankings element away.

The kids will love it, the parents will be glad that one day their lad might get a chance to take part in any sort of cricket, and the TV audiences will grow.

For heaven's sake, lets stop being so serious about a bit of a laugh!

Political Greg

2009-08-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

Greg here

Yes, i'm still here, courting Kate and thinking it will be nice to see the one-day matches and while I'm here Ted says put something in his blog. I guess he is all written out, poor bugger, what with his missus doing all the work, him having gout and the blog needing to be filled every day.

"Doesn't much matter what the subject is," he says so here goes.

This business - just a rumour, an urban myth and a bit of a conspiracy theory, all right - about the Ashes being rigged so that the crowds for the next series Down Under are big.

Well, first of all I don't see how it is done without some wise guy wanting to spill the beans and earn a heap of money; but secondly, why not?

Cricket is an entertainment; anything to put bums on seats, give the spectators value for money and make them think they will see a good series next time.

Cricket is certainly not a competitive sport; otherwise the English counties will support 50-over cricket instead of plumping for the 40-over version which will dominate next summer and which no-one else plays. They will also - and heaven help me, I am backing Ted once again - stop employing all those Yarpies and give some young British players more of a go.

I say that if the series is rigged - and I still want to know how you get a whole team to lose - good luck to the plotters.

The more I think about it - no my tiny Aussie brain does not hurt - the more I see a similarity with the case of the guy who is supposed to blow up that Pan Am plane and kill all those passengers.

The British, the Scots or the English - you can take your pick - send him home because the poor sod is dying and now they may - or may not depending who you believe - get some of the oil sloshing around Lybia's deserts.

Nice work if you can get it. Well done, Mr.Brown, Mr. Straw and whoever else has a hand in the deal. Tough, Mr. Obama. Pity you didn't have someone to swap for a can or three.

See, what cricket does today, the rest of the world does next week.

Keep smiling,

Greg Orry

Sport imperfect

2009-08-30T10:29:00.000-07:00

Two top snooker players have been questioned, but not charged, after one wins a UK title match 9-3 and so many people bet on 9-3 that bookies close the book.

All this week there have been amazing revelations about the extent to which illegal blood injuries exist within Rugby Union. Harlequins' guilt seems to be a matter of how many take part rather than the need to prove the case but now the All Blacks, the Australians, England and other Six Nations sides are also being accused.

I remember what we - ie the Rugby League lads - used to say when professionalism in RU was debated 50 years ago. "There will be deaths if money is brought into their game," we swore. There have been no fatalities - happily - but there is clearly a lot of shady behaviour and in fact I cannot remember being more offended by news of cheating as I have been by what happened in their cup-tie. Some of my horror comes from memories of the way RU officials used to claim the morale high ground because RL players were paid. Even in the 1950s there were stories from RU converts that they had been paid when they were "amateurs".

In football, there are several rows blowing up about players diving, the need for video replays to cut out player mistakes, and the role of the disciplinary bodies. The footballers earn colossal amounts compared with snooker, cricket and Rugby guys and to hear of someone cheating to earn more when they are so rich always sticks in the craw.

Where does cricket come in all this cheating? Who knows, but there is a fantasy that the results of the 2005 and 2009 Ashes series were rigged to ensure spectator interest and big gates in the following Ashes series in Oz.

I also remember one of the inner circle of cricket notables saying: "No, they would not dream of doing such a thing" when he was told of the drug taking among players in the 1980s. Now we know that is all true. That same guy has repeatedly refused to write his inner story of a life in cricket. Why?

We all know that "match-fixing" - or if you accept my definition, "player-fixing" - went on and may be alive and kicking.

I once heard a sporting type describe the comic effects of painting a greyhound and the rain washing away the result. It made for a fine party piece but there must have been a loser too. Stories of naughty doings in horse racing crop up all too often, tennis has had to investigate unususal betting patterns, and athletics is apparently fuelled by drugs to the extent that some will not celebrate the arrival of a great new talent like Usain Bolt in case the cheers turn to tears.

Is it new? No, of course, not. I visited the site of one of the ancient Olympic Games and saw where athletes who cheated were flogged.

Sport is a beautiful, romantic dream life for those who take part and those who watch but never imagine it is clean, or perfect, or true to its proclaimed ideals.

Sadly.

Reasons to be cross

2009-08-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

An Australian GP driver,
Says what I feel,
"Our lot" - the Aussie cricketers - "lose
But your team is no good

"We hit more tons, we take more wickets,
We lose but the stats are all wrong
Your side is full of South Africans
Ugh," he says.

A week later it makes me cross too.
Besides, there's never been
So much hype; listen to me
Be prepared for a shock

Just because Andrew Strauss and his lucky men
Win a Test series that's not proof
He's an OK captain
Jardine and Hutton laugh in their graves

So his men like him; it hardly matters
More to the point, can he inspire, mix and match
Take a risk? Learn while he plays.
I don't see the evidence

They call him conservative, defensive, unwilling to
Risk defeat; how else to search out victory
He creates nothing, he cannot set a field,
He has no ideas of his own, he's a sheep not a collie,

But where is his rival? They tried the brightest
And rejected his solution
Now his action is called an attempted coup
Rubbish. You can't try to unearth a king 2,000 miles away

At least KP had daring, ideas and plans
Led the team back to India; but frightened
The bosses who went for the safest pair of hands
Now look where we stand

Even a racing driver can see
That England are a shadow
Ready to return to Oz
And another whitewash

2009-08-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

In contrast with England's problems in Belfast, Australia, without their captain Ricky Ponting who is on a brief holiday back home, had no trouble in disposing of Scotland by 189 runs at the Grange in Edinburgh. Brett Lee, who missed all the Ashes games, was grinning as broadly as ever. Perhaps he will tell the England batsmen what the joke is before the two T20 matches and seven one-day games unless he adopts Andy Murray's belief that sport is too important for laughter. "Funny game?" asked Herbert Sutcliffe, the great Yorkshire opening batsman, "It's not meant to be."

Wisden, the most conservative, old-fashioned, unchanging and unchangeable book of sporting record, is to produce an electronic version. Whatever next? Baseball mitts for fielders, night vision goggles for floodlit matches and - Bob Woolmer's dream if you remember - two way radios so that the coach can play a more important part in the tactics. Give it 20 years and we might have all those modern additions to the old game. The whining noise is not from the radios; it is John Wisden spinning in his grave.

B level

2009-08-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

Paul - "we must learn to be ruthless" - Collingwood leads the England one-day side to victory against the Irish by TWO runs in the warm-up to the series againt the Aussies. Answer this question, using a black pen and writing on one side of the paper only: Do England need more luck with the weather? Do they need a less ambitious captain? Does our Colly need a new speech writer?

Going up

2009-08-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

A lot of foolishness has been talked since Super Sunday and it is time for a word of caution like that delivered by Andy Flower, the England coach. England have now risen to fifth in the world rankings and for a while that may be as far as they get. Anyone who imagines they will shoot further up those rankings by playing against South Africa in the Republic had better think again. Yes, I know the Australians won in South Africa but Graeme Smith's men are now the No.1 side in the world, full of that hey-the-Zulus-are-coming-lets-get-the-wagons-in-a-circle mentality that has saved Tests in the past. If the going gets tough, they simply bat. Runs don't matter; men like Smith, A B de Villiers and Jacques Kallis will hide behind bats and pads until the danger has passed. Last time England won back the Ashes they mistakenly thought they had only to arrive at a Test ground to win: the result was summed up by the 5-0 drubbing from Brisbane to Sydney. It can happen again but if they listen to Flower they might - strengthened by Kevin Pietersen, with the addition of Jonathon Trott and Stuart Broad's rising star - creep a little nearer the top of the tree. But it aint going to be easy.

The People's Player

2009-08-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

Andrew Flintoff will play again, once he has gone through the familiar, painful misery called re-hab.

That is the good news immediately after England won the Ashes - and stayed (almost) sober - and he went into hospital to have the operation that may cure his knee troubles.

He could be excused if he adopted a cynical we-have-been-there-before-and-it's-not-worked attitude but as usual this ever-cheerful lad has looked on the bright side and never doubted, so it seems, the words of the experts.

Flintoff could be forgiven too if he were mighty annoyed at the words of a small group who seem determined to prove he is far from a giant, unfit to be mentioned in the same breath as Ian Botham and other great all-rounders and soon to be over-shadowed by the tall figure of Stuart Broad.

This group appears to grow by the day. It centres on Michael Atherton who has looked increasingly sour in the days leading up to the end of the Oval game. He was grinning when he said to Jonathon Trott "You realise that some people played in five Ashes series and never experienced this moment" but his angst was plain.

Atherton has also seemed to find a special pleasure in denigrating Flintoff. I wish he had not. It does him no credit.

There were those too, you will remember, who could not wait to plunge the knife into Diana, Princess of Wales when she died.

They ignored her humanity, her daring in breaking down convention and her refusal to toe the Royal line and accused her instead of being unreliable, neurotic and publicity-seeking.

Flintoff - remember the arm round Brett Lee - had the affection, the love even, of the man, women and particularly kids who has paid at the gate because he gave value for money, always tried hard and was, like them, prone to gaffes he regreted later.

So I will take my line from Tony Blair who called Diana The People's Princess and name Flintoff, the People's Player. He deserves that accolade; his critics never came near to achieving that sort of fame.

Exporting spin

2009-08-24T02:05:00.000-07:00

The cafe. Greg and the waitress - she's Kate by the way now that she has been sacked for going on holiday without asking and no longer has to make the young kid's tea latte - arrive together all arms linked and clearly in love again.

The veteran speaks: "Their own fault. Picked the wrong squad, no third opener, lucky Watson made half a job of it, picked the wrong side, with no spinner. Looked a decent bowler to me. We'll have him - my county - if the Aussies don't want him. They are just a rotten side. We won without Kevin Pietersen and with half of Freddie. Or maybe two thirds. Now lets see if they panic."

I say: "They might get rid of Ponting if the selectors won't take the blame. At least the best No.3 in the world; not much of a captain. Last Aussie captain to bring the Ashes here and leave them behind - twice! - plays with no helmet, not gloves, no chest protector and no arm guard. Brave or do I mean stupid. Mind you nobody did in those days."

Kate says (leaning heavily up against Greg and looking into his eyes): "I hope you never play without protection!" Full of double meaning. He looks embarrassed. Now she has got her nails into him he is going to have to learn more British ways of thinking.

She winks at me and says: "So you reckon Ponting will have to go. What will the poor bugger do for the rest of his life?"

The young kid has persuaded someone else to make his tea latte. It looks even more revolting. He says: "He's all right is Ponting. I get about 20 in the warm-up game and he says 'Well done, mate. I don't suppose you're an Aussie who bowls a bit of spin and bats like No.7?' and his voice goes up the funny ways Aussies have."

The veteran goes: "You must be an Aussie. It explains a lot."

The kid says: "My gran spends about six months in Aussie when she gets married to one of them. He shears sheep or something. She gets bored and comes home but it is really useful experience for her. At Christmas when we play games I always get her on my side because she always knows how long is Sydney Bridge or how to spell Wagga Wagga."

I say: "I expect that means you're qualified to play for Oz."

The kid goes on: "I tell him and he gives me his email and tells me to let him know the next time I'm in Sydney. In fact I've got a winter contract with Manley and they say he lives not far away and so I mail him and he says to pop in."

"My God," says the veteran. "I have heard some strange stuff in my life but now we are exporting promising young cricketers to Oz. Just shows the state of the world. Did he ask if you know any bright young fast bowlers?"

"No," says Ponting's new best mate. "I say that Nig-Nog at the county is a good fast bowler and he says he reckons the present bunch will be top of the world in 2011 or the next time they come back and there is no need. I reckon they miss out but I will take my chance Down Under."

Greg and Kate have disappeared. The vet and I pay for all the drinks and get up to go.

The lady behind the counter says: "That lad is seeing my new girl, you know, in place of Kate. He's not going to play for England, is he?"

"No," we say together, "he knows nothing about the game."

Ashes come home

2009-08-23T01:48:00.000-07:00

The Oval Fifth Ashes Test- day four

Preview

All the experts say it is impossible for Australia to climb that run mountain, that England must win if they bowl properly and guess that plans will have been formed to deal with all the remaining Australian batsmen.

All the same, why not have a few pennies on the Aussies. It will make you feel a lot better about your cricket judgment and give you automatic bragging rights for the rest of your days.

It might even enable you to buy yourself the sort of watch I have just been offered by some advertising guy who has got hold of my email address.

Meanwhile it is a lovely day at the Oval, sunshine, crowds gathering full of pretty girls, bright summer colours and men with heavy sun tans; and the bars are open.

Enjoy!

To lunch

Plenty to enjoy for all the 20,000 or so souls in the ground. The trumpeter was back. He was "encouraged" not to attend at Headingley, you may remember and he is clearly, by ground authority definiton, a subversive influence, playing the National Anthem and other such revolutionary tunes. I just found him relaxing and the Barmy Army clearly love him.

The openers both went lbw in successive overs; Simon Katich foolishly without playing a shot and Shane Watson, foolishly thinking he was not out. So after 30 minutes we saw the typical Ricky Ponting struggle to survive until he was ten and Michael Hussey typically batting nerves first, every sinew stretched.

By lunch they had not just survived but set Andrew Strauss problems he could not sort out and I guess he chaired a committee meeting during the interval so that he could find who to bowl next.

He had tried Stuart Broad who might have had three wickets and Graeme Swann who snapped out an appeal every other over. They took the wickets, and James Anderson and Andrew Flintoff offered support.

Who to bowl next? Perhaps the dressing room committee will come up with an answer. I thought that, for the first time, England missed Monty Panesar, even bowling badly, as a contrast.

To tea

It's not often that England rely entirely on their fielders but today three great pieces of out-cricket gave them a tight grip on the game.

First Flintoff threw down Ponting's stumps from mid-on - a 30 yard throw - and reminded us all that in the Trent Bridge Test four years ago Ponting was also run out by a direct hit that gave England the Ashes.

Those who knock Flintoff forget those moments only he can initiate and that, in the words of Geoff Boycott, "Freddie never bowls a bad spell." That remark, rather than snide comments on his "lack of professionalism" ought to be his reward for a fine career.

Four balls later Michael Clarke stumbled forward and was run out by a Strauss direct hit and at 236-5 Marcus North was stumped by Matt Prior off Swann as he pushed forward and clearly thought his foot was still behind the line. Umpire Billy Bowden made no reference to the third umpire but was correct in a tight decision.

At tea England were almost home with Australia 265-5 and the tail waiting their turn to hand back the Ashes.

To the Ashes

Soon after tea Swann persuaded Brad Haddin to play one more rash attacking shot, Steve Harmison snapped up two victims in successive balls and three in a row and then, and quite right too, Swann finished off the match by having Hussey caught to crown his marathon stint with four wickets.

Australia were all out for 348, England had won by 197 runs and the Ashes had come home; but this time the celebrations had none of the bravado of 2005. At this moment, the sadness of his retirement seemed to hit Flintoff hard and when Harmison was lining up a hat trick our Freddie must have wished he was completing his Test career with the same handle on glory.

Victory there might have been but England still need to solve batting problems at opener and No.3 although the improved form of Prior seems to have cured the worries surrounding the wicket-keeping. As for the bowling, wait until we meet in the cafe tomorrow.

Greg here:

Mate, at least you won. Think of our mess. We picked the wrong squad, without a third opening bat. We picked the wrong team for this match without a spinner. Our skipper is only the second Australian captain to lose the Ashes here twice. These little matters will not be quickly forgotten back home, I can tell you.

See you back Down Under for another whitewash!

He does not change does he. Well, that's Australian, I guess.

Oh, did I mention - it's 2-1, you Aussie mates.

Too many, surely

2009-08-22T00:26:00.000-07:00

The Oval Fifth Ashes Test - day three.

Preview

What a lovely, shining morning. Just the day, as Ken Dodd might say, for kicking off your shin pads, high-stepping out to the wicket and saying to the nearest Australian: "Have a good trip home, mate; and don't forget to leave the Ashes in the museum."

Yes, today could be the day although before you start counting the chucks - that is Oz-talk for chickens - remember that England still have to remove Ricky Ponting, one of the greatest batsmen of all time, and Michael Clarke, the leading run-scorer in this series. They may put up a stiffer fight than when they fell to the youthful, but duly modest, Stuart Broad.

(I may run myself out if he doesn't stop this pretence that he was somehow acting at the team's behest when he takes out the Australian top order in the blink of an eye.)

So fingers crossed and here we go . . .

To lunch

No question about it - Andrew Strauss's morning even though he got out carelessly just a couple of minutes before the break.

Not only did he offer no chance, but he showed - and told - Jonathon Trott how he wanted the rest of the innings conducted. He defended solidly for 90 minutes and then began to accelerate. Trott followed suit so that at the interval England were 157-4, 329 ahead, many more than Australia could expect to make, even though the Test is not half way finished.

In many ways it has been Strauss's series. The captaincy inspires his batting, his average is higher since he took charge and we must trust that his tactical nous will improve as he grows into the job.

Trott followed the excellent lead set by Strauss so that as the second session of the day began there was only one result worth a shilling of your money. Perhaps it is a sign of the bad luck that has followed Australia during the series that Ricky Ponting was hit in the mouth, fielding at silly point, off the last ball of the session.

To tea

Ponting led his side out as usual, little the worst for the full-blooded blow in the mouth; meanwhile England batted - sometimes adventurously, often aiming only to extend the match as it passed the half way stage - on and on.

Matt Prior was too adventurous and run out, Andrew Flintoff played a last, dashing Test innings and Stuart Broad hit so convincingly that a friend from county cricket who told me that he must model himself on Richard Hadlee clearly had the right idea.

Trott was close to his debut hundred, slow but sure in the South African way, as England reached 290-7, 462 ahead - despite Marcus North's four wickets - and made us wonder if they knew declaration was an option.

To close

By 6.30 the doubts set in. After all only five batsmen were out today while 395 runs were scored.

Strauss declared after Trott reached his 100 in five hours - although it seemed longer - and Graeme Swann had hit 63 off 55 balls. Trott became the 18th England batsman to make a century on debut and he held the innings together. An aggregate of 160 runs is not a bad first try either.

Was it all too easy to score on this pitch that has been described as a minefield? Could Australia be the first team to score more than 500 to win a Test? Will Ponting and Co. go home heroes with the Ashes in their carry on luggage?

England set them to make 546 in two days and 21 overs and, in some comfort, Simon Katich and Shane Watson put on 80. Yes, they had troubles but as they batted through the temptation to rush to the nearest bookmaker and beg him to let one back Australia was almost an obsession.

It's impossible, isn't it?

Closing in on the Ashes

2009-08-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

The Oval. Fifth Ashes Test - day two

Preview

Every other critic seems to have hedged his bets but my feeling is - after a good night's sleep - that England have the upper hand on one of the worst day one pitches I can remember. Surely those dry footprints, that crusty surface and the turn will only get more helpful. It is a result pitch and a great chance for England to win back the Ashes.

I watched the infamous game at Christchurch in 1984 when the pitch was so bad that England were twice bowled out for under 100 and their captain Bob Willis was able to yank a huge piece of turf out of the pitch soon after the match finished. I also saw the game at Edgbaston when Curtly Ambrose's first ball leapt high to the ropes without batsman or keeper laying anything it. Both Tests ended in just over two days.

The worst pitch of all may have been at Old Trafford in 1956. The former Australian leg spinner Bill O'Reilly was still in a rage about it 35 years later. Jim Laker took 19 wickets - several of the England fielders shook his hand as they left the field and he drank a pint in a pub unrecognised that same evening - but the Aussie memory is of a pitch made to suit Laker and Tony Lock.

To lunch

Patience everyone! England add another 25, sketchy, runs to total 332; not enough but plenty if they bowl well.

Their four bowlers put in sterling performances and Simon Katich and Shane Watson, clear they do not need to win this Test to keep the Ashes, trot along at two and a half runs an over until rain stops play four minutes before the interval.

A dull morning - and I say that even though I do not find yesterday's play as meaningless as some know-nothing critics - in which England do not make an inch of progress. Lets hope those back in the pavilion have a bright idea.

Time to give Stuart Broad a bowl, I reckon. He seems to have umpire sympathy with lbw shouts and that could turn their luck.

To tea

Of course, no self-respecting critic says I told you so.

Immediately after a long rain break Broad bowled and in the next two hours, in which he sent down 12 overs, Australia lost eight wickets for 72. Watson was plumb lbw, Ponting played on, Hussey groped for the ball and was lbw, Clarke was caught low on the drive - all off Broad. Four in a row.

He completed his second successive five wicket haul when he bowled Haddin - the best ball of his long spell which was turning into an application for the Andrew Flintoff job, soon to be vacant - and the other three fell to some beautiful off spin from Graeme Swann. North lbw, Katich, still trying his socks off, caught at short leg and Johnson, hitting, caught behind were all victims of a magical box of tricks.

Naturally there were standing ovations for Broad at the end of every over. I did warn you he might be England's hero but he owed nothing to the umpires. It was the best Ashes show by England for four years and surely it must mean victory here and the return of the little urn.

Happily Strauss does not have to decide the follow-on strategy. He leads an England run fest and then . . . but this time I don't need to tell you what will happen. I do reckon you wont need that Sunday ticket though.

To close

When Australia were all out for 160, 172 behind, England dreamed of a long lead by the end of the day. No such luck; but they were still on top, still favourites and we knew they would have to work hard to throw this one away.

Strauss, highly praised for his innovative changes - which I suspect were arranged in the dressing room during the rain break - showed his true quality with two hours of high level concentration.

He lost Cook, Bell and Collingwood, all dithering, while he showed a grim face to the world and a big bat to the bowlers. It was his day almost as much as Broad and Swann's; his reward was a lead of 230 with seven wickets to fall and the chance to set the Aussies an unreachable target.

But keep your fingers crossed. It is not all over yet.

Winning score?

2009-08-20T02:27:00.000-07:00

The Oval. Fifth Ashes Test - first day

Preview

At least we know the selectors have not had a brainstorm overnight. Flintoff, Swann, Harmison, Broad and Anderson are the bowlers; enough to give Strauss a choice. No Panesar to give Strauss a headache; Trott at No.5. Heaven help his poor delicate debutant soul when he first arrives at the wicket even if there are words around the county circuit which describe him in terms far from complimentary. I feel he is a mistake. Aussies unchanged, without a spinner

England win the toss, given the chance to strangle the life out of Oz and use the wasting pitch at the end. I just wish there was evidence of imagination, daring or anyone who is fully fit and able to turn the match on its head. Rashid must wonder when someone will show faith in him.

To lunch

In the words of the old song: "Who could ask for anything more?"

True, England lost Alastair Cook for ten, but even at that point Andrew Strauss looked as if he had set his mind on a century. Ian Bell was peppered by Mitchell Johnson, looked uncomfortable, but survived without giving a chance. What is a No.3 supposed to do when an opener has gone early? Keep his wicket intact, that's what.

By the interval Strauss has reached fifty and Bell had made 41 off 55 balls. Grumpy voices in the television commentary box could be heard muttering that Bell was far from solid but I liked the score - 108-1 in 27 overs - and the style. As for the Aussies they must have looked at the footmarks on the pitch and wondered if there was some way they could get Nathan Nauritz into play.

A plea for ideas from Harlequins might provide an answer.

To tea

The ball is going through the top, it looks as if the Australians have picked the wrong side and all England have to do is to bat.

So, Strauss is out ten minutes after lunch, Paul Collingwood struggles for 90 minutes before being caught in the gully and, well you know Bell, he does not tear up trees even when he is 150.

He just bats to the interval when England are 170-3 and not as far on top as they would like to be although this Test may be low-scoring. The Aussies bowled two sessions of 27 overs each so that it begins to look like a defensive plan.

Jonathon Trott is not impressive and it takes him 12 balls to get off the mark. Just batting now seems to be the only option.

To close

After half an hour's overtime - 85.3 overs - England were 307-8, their middle order having let them down again and scored just 91 for the lose of five wickets. Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann pushed the score beyond 300 in an eighth wicket stand that mixed common sense and bold strokes. It might even be a winning score.

The pitch deserved the term "sporting" if that means turn, lift, bounce and a broken surface on day one. Australia had no bowlers to exploit this mess and England must be favourites for one of the worst Test pitches in years must wear further.

Trott made 42 of those 91 middle order runs but unless he suffers excessively from nerves his innings did not define a Test star of the future. It may be enough for a famous victory.

The fix

2009-08-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

I dare not preview the fifth Test; I have no idea who is going to play. Panesar or Swann or both; Harmison or Onions or both; Lee or Clark or Hauritz?

Don't ask me but if you happen to bump into a bookmaker in a bar - you'll know him straight away, dark glasses, talks out of the side of his mouth, tenners sticking out of his top pocket - you could ask him to drop me a line.

Which brings us to the topic of the moment. Match fixing or, as I have always preferred to call it, player fixing. It is more common, it is easier and the rewards are greater.

Let me tell you about another meeting in a bar. Maybe completely accurate, maybe owes a lot to my imagination.

Nasty Bookmaker to gullible batsman: "So how many will you make tomorrow? Nice pitch, the bowling is almost friendly and you are at the top of your game."

GB: "Oh, 70-plus, hopefully."

NB: "If I slipped these bank notes into your top pocket would you consider making 49?"

GB: "Sure. Why not? Hopefully."

NB: "Thanks, mate, you just made me a fortune."

So the bookmaker offers generous odds on GB making fifty, the punters pile on their cash, GB gets out ahead of that target, the punters are not too miffed and the bookmaker can now send his children to Eton, or buy a new Merc, or pay his girl friend's mortgage.

Everyone is happy. Well, except ICC who have been concerned about new growth player fixing for a while but who, surprisingly, did not monitor the IPL T20 matches. Not in India, home of the first generation Nasty Bookies, or South Africa home of their late companion Hansie Cronje? Why not?

Perhaps the Australian approached in the team hotel bar misread the signs, or was too sensitive to the chance of an approach and that the man was a genuine punter only interested in a bit of inside knowledge for his private betting purposes. Perhaps the player should have forgotten all about the meeting.

But, no. He did the right thing by reporting his suspicions and alerting the ICC sniffer dogs to a new outbreak of rabid twisted betting and setting them up for a look at the IPL, the ICL and all the other new-born, cash-rich T20 leagues.

My guess is that the fix has been in all the time but who knows. The bookies are better at keeping secrets than the Ashes team managements so what chance have we got.

A Pom's prayer

2009-08-18T02:01:00.000-07:00

Now is the time to offer votive prayer,
To ask the sporting gods for special signs
Rain when they bat, those lucky Aussies
Sunshine to bathe our glory in

They've had their turn, surely you gods know that
For 20 years - bar 16 happy months - they wore the crown
They led the world in everything (except gentility)
Justice demands we have the Ashes now

Miller's men have done their best
And, yes, I know its feeble
Strauss is flawed, don't you know it
Please give him a hand

Without KP our batsmen need your blessing
Thank Grace for Freddie, an imperfect human
But a cricketer to turn defeat to victory
In a single ball

So, you silent sporting gods, come forth
Show you have a sense of right and wrong
A whisper in an umpire's ear, a misheard call
It's not too much to ask, now is it?

When we see you've smiled on us
You'll hear us mutter semper fidelis
We'll sing Jerusalem long and loud
All we'll add is: 2-1, you Aussie bastards!

A Millers's tale

2009-08-17T04:34:00.000-07:00

Of course, David Graveney and Geoff MIller should no more have been chairman of selectors than chosen to star in a Hollywood blockbuster, sing the lead in Madame Butterfly or walk barefoot over the Sahara.

They won't mind me saying they were not among the ten greatest cricketers to play the game in the last 150 years; they know that. Not in the same bracket as Peter May and Ted Dexter, Ray Illingworth or Alec Bedser, their predecessors. They were last pick from any tour party, and yet, to be fair to them, they have done a fairly decent job.

All they have done in truth is to show up the biggest problem in English cricket.

The men who ought to be England coach, or national selector Miller's new title, and chairman of whatever committee runs the Test side are all happily camped nigh above the ground, discussing the mistakes made by the England and Wales Cricket Board, at large and the players and their management in particular.

In other words the former stars now commentating. No wonder they smile all the time.

Think how much more confidence you might have in winning back the Ashes next week-end if Bob Willis, 60 but as sharp-eyed as ever, were chairman of ECB. Or David Gower head of the selection panel. Or Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton in charge of coaching.

Don't imagine for the length of a Ravi Bopara innings they will send their resignation to Sky and dash to ECB HQ to volunteer for England duty.

They know which side of their bread is covered in Marmite; and who is to blame them for accepting the Rupert Murdoch shilling rather than suffering the pain that goes with being Geoff Miller or Andy Flower.

If England win at the Oval those two jobs will be worth having. If not there will be no use ducking; you will get a heap of sewage on your head long before you shout "garde lou."

It cannot be long before some nasty tabloid - I know, mates, I worked for them - makes Miller and Silly into a defeatist headline and as for Flower, if he is not a dandelon sometime soon I have missed my vocation.

Besides it is a lot easier to sit in a warm commentary box, going "I would never have bowled him at this stage" while earning £100k a year, rather than having to pick a team, try to explain it when things go wrong, receive the cat calls of Joe and Jo Public and try to find somewhere quiet to cry. All for half the Sky rewards.

I know one commentator who would love to be chairman of selectors but a few minutes quiet reflection soon cures him of that idea. He used to ring me and say he could do a better job.

All true but for a moment, you big daft sod, stick with the life you have cut out for yourself. It's safer, more secure and it does not involve being made into a public fool on a regular basis.

British is best

2009-08-16T01:35:00.000-07:00

The selectors spent five hours last Friday in picking the squad for the fifth and final Test - that is three players an hour - and when the party was announced this morning I wondered what they found to talk about.

Unless they are less clever than I think, it cannot, for instance, have taken them all that time to be sure they wanted grandchild-of-the-famous-over-the-clock Trott Jonathon to play at the Oval and Ravi Bopara to stay at home. Trott nearly played at Headingley; Bopara averages 15 in four Ashes Tests. What's to argue about?

Well, you can tell me if you wish, that Trott is not head-to-tail British, although he sounds as if Surrey is his natural home rather than Pretoria. I doubt if Geoff Miller and Co. had many concerns about that issue.

I do, actually. I was brought up in a cricket sense in Yorkshire where everyone of the players - with 29 exceptions in a century, most of those arguable - was as Yorkshire as Ilkley Moor and they won for that reason. Today we might call it commonality, then we just noted they all talked - whenever they felt it necessary - like Geoff Boycott, came from the Bradford or Yorkshire Leagues and were probably related in some distant way.

Once when I was 16 I and my feeble off breaks were looked over by a former Yorkshire player at the school nets. Don't even ask why. "Where were you born?" he asked. "Birmingham, sir," I said, knowing this was the wrong answer. "YOU can't play for Yorkshire," he grumbled and then took no notice when I pulled off the most spectacular caught and bowled. "Can't play for Yorkshire," I heard him mutter to the games master.

So, it is not surprising that I am in favour of all England players having a claim by birth or parentage to be British and I still feel as if I had suddenly discovered I must be left-handed every time a Trott or a KP but not an Andrew Strauss emerges.

I just wish the selectors would not go down this route, even though I want England to beat Australia, even though I have loved Robin Smith's square cut, and been friends with any number of Caribbean-born players and had no objection when one was chosen at a time.

When the team is over-populated by men born in Zambia, Australia, the RSA and the West Indies, I wondered if we will ever be at the top of the world rankings.

I also sometimes think that the sporting gods prefer Australia to be the giants of the game rather than us simply because they rarely pick a man who is not a fair dinkum Aussie.

O rare Michael Yardy

2009-08-16T01:25:00.000-07:00

FOR A FEW MINUTES at Edgbaston we saw what might have been; a mighty display of hitting from Marcus Trescothick; before Sussex, another set of giants in the modern game, won the T-20 competition. I wondered briefly if Michael Yardy might be a good captain for the England one-day and T-20 teams. He is not a great performer but he is a highly intelligent cricketer and you cannot have enough of those rare creatures.

Tresco is a No.

2009-08-14T03:34:00.000-07:00

The England selectors are meeting as I type this post. No doubt they are wondering whether they should pluck Mark Ramprakash from the pension queue, move Jonathon Trott from the bench to the starting line-up or pull Robert Key out of the backwater that is championship cricket and subject him to trial by searchlight in the England team.

They no longer have to consider the problem caused by Marcus Trescothick, the most missed of all those who have fallen since 2005. Trescothick heard he might be wanted, found he was enthused by the idea and then, a couple of days ago, woke up sweating after a nightmare.

In his terrible dream he could not find his England kit while his team mates waited outside. He knew at that moment a return to international cricket was out of the question and announced that his retirement, caused by his mental problems, was still in place. Quite right too.

If you spend a quarter of a century with England as I did you make contact with players in the most unusual ways. He and I used to meet hotel corridors as he played football with his two-year-old girl. We often had the room next to the Trescothick family; something to do with the alphabet although we could never make out quite what.

"Now then, Tresco," I used to giggle, "watch out for those mighty tackles." He used to grin - a slow Somerset grin I always thought - and continue, with a proper dad's concern, to see that this budding female Beckham got the ball at her feet. Nice man, I used to think, to be so caring for his daughter in the middle of a Test.

So when he ran into the wretched issues over the time he spent away from the family I knew just what he was going through. Much as I admired his drives past the bowler, his ability to destroy an attack and those moments when he stood in the slips on the final day at Old Trafford in 2005 and begged the crowd to play their part in the attempt to beat the Aussies I realised he had other priorities.

I wondered briefly this week if a week away from Somerset, possibly with the family, for the final Test might be workable but if a man is having nightmares about his job he is as well to stand back and let other, less sensitive souls, step ahead in the queue.

Sensitive? A 33-year-old professional cricketer? Come on!

Yes. Let me tell you that Trescothick has another nightmare. His best pal died in a road accident when they were 17 and you may see him look upwards at times to dedicate a special innings to that lad.

Yes, Tresco, not for the first time you have made the right decision.

A waitress writes

2009-08-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

Kate here,

You'll know me as the waitress from those times when they all meet in the cafe and I serve that daft young cricketer "tea latte" as if such stuff existed and then I have a bit of a fling with Greg and get rather carried away and follow him all the way to Australia.

It is not until I am sitting in Sydney Airport that I think "why am I running after someone who clearly wants nothing to do with me" and get on the next plane home. I have been back to the cafe and my job is still there and I asked Ted if I could write something on his blog and he said: "Sure" which is nice of him.

All I want to say is that although I read all about the changes everyone keeps asking for in the England team - and on this blog - I don't care who plays. I just want England to tan the hides off those smug, double dealing, bloody Australians so that the next time I see Greg - Hell, if they are all like him swearing eternal love and then hiking off back to Oz the moment a girl wants to take him up on the deal - I can say

"STUFF YOU, MATE."

Dream team

2009-08-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

Of course, it is dream time but here is a team to win back the Ashes at the Oval next week-end.

1. Andrew Strauss
2. Marcus Trescothick
3. Mark Ramprakash
4. Paul Collingwood
5. Matt Prior
6. Andrew Flintoff
7. Michael Vaughan (capt)
8. Chris Read (wicket-keeper)
9. Ryan Sidebottom
9. Graeme Swann or Stuart Broad
10. Jimmy Anderson
11. Monty Panesar

Coach: Nasser Hussain.
Manager: David GraveneyI

'm not going to debate my own selections; I realise all you are intelligent enough to see where I am coming from.

I want someone - probably Nasser who notoriously wears his heart on both sleeves - to prepare a final speech on these lines.

"Look, lads, this is not a career move; it's a one-off match to give this country back the Ashes. Some of you will never play another cricket match so make the most of this huge opportunity. This Aussies are a moderate side at best; everyone of you can play far better than your opposite number; and as it is a last time on the big stage you can also pull any stunt, trick, ploy or bit of nastiness you like. I'll back you but because this is a unique occasion, because you will not suffer any repercussions this is a match in which you can - as those lads in the next dressing room might say - go for your lives. So good luck - and give 'em hell."

This is not - please understand me - a side our selectors would endorse. They like evolution not revolution and normally I'd have sympathy with that point of view. But we are at such a desperate pitch after the dire result at Headingley that we have to take a few risk, through the rules of thumb out of the window.

If England don't win back the Ashes, they will take heaven alone knows how long to get back close to the top of the world rankings and, worse still, the Aussies will go home convinced they are the jam on the doughnut. In fact, they are not good enough to be top of the tree and they ought to be shown the truth about their status - as a team rebuilding with a bunch of promising players.

If England prove their point they will do themselves and the rest of the cricket world a service. It's a gamble - making so many changes - but surely it has a grain of sense and it is time we tried.

Sport is about dreams and England can prove that point and a few more besides by taking the series 2-1.

No, Ramps

2009-08-11T05:30:00.000-07:00

Mark Ramprakash? Come on, yes or no?

The story has been around since the week-end but, frankly, that is all it is. A story. There is not a ice cube in hell's chance of it turning into fact. Or is there?

Ramps is difficult. Temperamental. Erratic. Distracted and distracting. Unless every one of the tales from the Middlesex and Surrey dressing room are fiction he believes the gods are on the other guy's side and that he has had a raw deal from umpires, selectors, county officials, his own captains and his batting partners.

Not a team player. But a nice guy. He once spotted my partner struggling with her 15 kilos of scoring equipment and carried it from the taxi to the hotel for her. You'll think: "So would anybody" but Ramps is the only one who did it as Jo and I toured for 20 years.

Is he a great batsman? Yes. I remember Mike Gatting describing him as "better than I was at the same age" when he won a trophy final for Middlesex at Lord's. In case you are having a giggle - having just seen a picture of overweight Gatt circa 2009 or film of him allowing Shane Warne to bowl him - let me remind you that Gatting was not just a fine middle order batsman, but a terrific captain and a good friend to people like me when we were on tour together.

Ramps stayed with Middlesex for half a career of dispute, poor Test performances mixed with brilliant county runs until he had been dropped once too often. Like Graeme Hick, Chris Lewis, Bruce French, Alan Mullally and a dozen more who played through the losing 1990s, he did not quite make it.

I have wondered since who was at fault. Ramps - yes, probably. But several coaches failed to get him straightened out and so he drifted out of the England side and then from Lord's to the Oval where he has blossomed.

Now he is a hair's breath from 40, with a summer average topping 100, England are in a pickle and yet, no he will not be back in the side.

The Oval is his home pitch, the Australian attack is built for his ultra orthodox compact, even handsome style and he would love to - as he sees it - put the record straight.

On the reverse side, his runs this summer have come in the Second Division, on flat pitches, against third rate bowlers for whom incentive is racing one another to the sandwich tray.

No. It's a romantic, do-you-remember Washbrook and Close and Graveney? those were the days sort of story; but unless the selectors, with their eyes on consistent selection, looking to the future, giving youth its chance, go mad this week-end, I cannot see it happening.

Not that I would stay in my seat with may hands in my pockets if he did emerge from the Oval pavilion gate. I'd be thinking "he carried my missus' bags that time, he deserves another chance" and I might rise to my feet and applaud with a tear in my eye.

But it won't happen so why think about it.

Captaincy roll

2009-08-10T03:12:00.000-07:00

The cafe

You can cut lumps off the air of despondency. The waitress is still not back, the young colt is clearly not happy that the waitress he meets last week is absent, the old guy must have lost a tenner and found sixpence and I, well, I'm just thinking about all the stuff I've written which is now so much wasted effort.

"When in doubt, blame the selectors," says the old guy. "Good rule of thumb. They get rid of Kevin Pietersen as captain and put Strauss in his place, they let KP and Freddie go to South Africa and get injured, they persist with Bopara who will be better at flying than he is at batting No.3 and at Headingley they prefer Harmison to Ryan Sidebottom, who must know the pitch better than anyone else. Shall I go on?"

"Who's your captain?" I ask, just to make mischief.

"There isn't one," says TOG.

"Angus Fraser is a good captain at Middlesex," says the young guy. "He says to me 'Well played, young man' when I get that fifty at Lord's. No, tell a lie, it was that fella at Cambridge. Or it might have been the Worcestershire Colts captain. No, 'Well done,' he says and I go on to make 90. Where was that? I'll remember in a minute.!

"So your choice for England captain is either Fraser who is retired, a University captain or a Colts skipper. No wonder we are in a bit of a state," says TOG.

"Well," says the kid, "at least I've come up with a few names. More than you two."

"I just wish Michael Vaughan had kept going," I say. "At least he had a brain and the others would have been pleased to score his runs for him - so long as they were winning."

"They'd have grumbled," says TOG, "no place like a dressing room for grumbling."

He is interrupted by the return of the wandering Aussie. "Greg here," says a familiar voice. "Why can't you guys see that you are beaten by an outstanding Test team, led by the greatest captain of the 20th or 21st centuries, with or without the assistance of Justin Langer."

"That's who it was," says the kid, all excited. "Captain of Somerset, Justin Langer. He says 'Well done, young man' when I get to fifty. There's a name we can debate."

"He's an Aussie, you twit," says Greg. "As well as being at least two centuries old. Don't you know anything about this game?"

"Yes, I do," says the lad. "Where is Strauss born? South Africa. Where is KP born? South Africa. Where is Vaughan born. Eccles in Lancashire. Cricket is international. It doesn' matter any more. No prejudice, no bias, no rules, ok."

"Yes," says Greg, "you mean England should send for the captain of their greatest side, the holder of more trophies than Manchester United and and both media saavy and good looking. Charlotte Edwards! Why didn't we think of that earlier?"

We all go very quiet.

Series level

2009-08-09T00:11:00.000-07:00

Headingley. Fourth Ashes Test - third day.

Preview

Yes, third day and the game has no more than a couple of hours to run!

So you don't need to guess what is going to happen; no mystery, no prophesy skills involved.

Lets instead have a look at a remarkable document produced by Justin Langer which tries to fill in the details the Australians may have overlooked in their research into what makes England tick.

OK, so he thinks Ravi Bopara will be upset if he is ignored, James Anderson is easily put off and Matt Prior has issues with his own ego. I just hope our Jason did not have to sit up all night before coming to these devastating conclusions.

What might have been interesting were his conclusions about Kevin Pietersen. Did he forget KP? Not a word about England's greatest batsman. Why? Were his conclusions so robust that the Sunday Telegraph - you can read the detail in their sports section - dare not risk a libel action? Were they so dull that the ST chose to ignore them?

I hope it prompts ECB to action. But, please, not another inquiry, working party or sub-committee. Michael Vaughan's commentary is printed alongside the Langer analysis. Read that first and then ring him up for a further verdict on a subject that needs investigation but not from someone long retired, at arm's length from the county dressing rooms and determined only to produce opinions that will satisfy the conservatives who run the game here.

How about a group of former players: Vaughan, Alec Stewart, Andy Caddick and Mike Atherton, for instance.

It won't happen. Langer says English players like their own comfort zone. They learnt their attitude from men who are now in charge and those gentlemen will not set up an inquiry which means they have to think, or stir themselves to action or - heaven forfend - make changes.

One day soon they may wake to find the game has been stolen from them - but it will be too late for an inquiry then.

To lunch

I am not sure what Langer made of this session, but I could not stop laughing.

James Anderson went third ball of the day and Prior for 22 - both to Ben Hilfenhaus - but afterwards the game was filled with circus acts. Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann hit 49 in three overs, Stuart Clark was smashed for 32 in two overs, two tumbling catches were dropped in the outfield - and went for four - and Broad was not out until he had hit 61 off 48 balls.

Tail-end mayhem, causing the Aussies to huddle in little worried groups.

All in a hopeless cause; at lunch England were 245-8, 98 behind and therefore still needing around 200 to have half a chance of winning. Still two days and two sessions to go when Steve Harmison blocked out the final over and Swann reached his fifty with a six. In two hours 163 runs had been scored; well worth a cheer or two from the full house.

We Englishmen love the Dunkirk story and there is no doubt that this session has lifted the spirits of a badly beaten side. It made the journey to the Oval for the decider so much more within our comfort zone.

If only we had had the Andrew Flintoff spirit to add to the Dunkirk spirit.

To victory

Australia needed only another 23 minutes to win by an innings and 80 runs although they were lucky that umpire Billy Bowden was persuaded that Swann hit the ball to Brad Haddin.

The best technology available - as well as his own disgusted expression - suggested Swann missed the ball. The evidence that Graham Onions was out was convincing; his stumps were awry, the bails on the floor.

Don't blame Bowden, even though he also allowed a five-ball and a seven ball over in the morning. He certainly did not umpire as badly as England batted first time and their middle order performed in both innings.

Calls for the recall of Mark Ramprakash, Robert Key and Geoff Boycott will fall on death ears. The selectors are wedded to the concept of few changes and while it is still possible to win at the Oval and regain the Ashes they will leave the team more or less intact.

The spectators cannot grumble. Those who came yesterday had their moneysworth and those who bought tickets for the fourth day will get a refund.

Neither have the Aussies any reason to complain. Their luck turned and although they bowled poorly today they at least knew where they ought to pitch the ball. In contrast the England attack seemed to think short deliveries were the answer. Even the enw boy Marcus North, find of the series as well as man of the match, knew better.

Yorkshire old-timers Fred Trueman, Richard Hutton, Chris Old, Bill Bowes and the little-remembered Tony Nicholson would have cried to see the England bowling.

If England can take something from this match it must be the signs of panic that gripped Australia on the final morning; but of course they still had two days and two sessions to win the match.

Level at 1-1 they are unlikely to let go easily.

Light years behind

2009-08-08T01:13:00.001-07:00

Headingley Fourth Ashes Test - day two

Preview

Sorry to leave you to Greg's outlandish triumphalism at the end of the first day but somewhere in mid-afternoon I remembered that John Arlott refused to describe the cricket on the day England were bowled out for 52 at the Oval in 1948.

It struck me that Andrew Strauss's England had reached a similar low point and that as a form of protest if nothing else I should go into my shell, bunker or slit trench for a while.

All the bad luck - early morning fire alarm, Matt Prior's mishap, Andrew Flintoff being sidelined, winning the toss - turned from Australia to England who have to be thankful the gods were on their right hand for so long.

The good news is that the bravest of the brave can take advantage of 9-1 England. It's as good a way to lose a quid as any I can imagine; who is there in this team to lead a revival now that Freddie is back home?

To lunch

For the second morning in a row England's supporters - reduced to silence for most of the two hours - must have wished that the rebuilding of the ground could include curtains so that they did not have to watch their team played so ineptly.

The attack started by bowling too short on a pitch that rewards those balls of full length so that Michael Clarke, early on, and Marcus North, as his confidence grew, could score at will.

Eventually, 30 minutes before lunch with Australia close to 200 ahead, Andrew Strauss remembered Graham Onions, who trapped Clarke lbw at 93 and Graeme Swann who at least kept control of the run rate.

As for Steve Harmison, Stuart Broad and James Anderson - they probably went to lunch thinking they would prefer a curtain round the ground too.

To tea

North pushed Australia to 445, all out a few minutes into the interval with a lead of 343 and the chance of completing victory in two days. North has been the rock linking the middle and lower orders throughout the series with two hundreds and a 94; innings you might expect from an elite batsman not a stranger.

Broad showed just what he has to offer - a grumpy, grumbling disposition, overlaid with abundant talent; a mix of top class deliveries combined with a scattergun approach. He finished off the innings to take 6-91. He was not the best of the England attack but there is no doubting his quality when everything goes right.

In what you might call the old days Broad would have gone back to his county and mopped up dozens of lesser victims and some old pro wisdom. In this era he has to learn his trade at the top. It may be a problem.

To close

England almost went down to defeat in two days after 35 minutes that left them without a prayer.

Strauss and Alastair Cook put on 58 before Strauss and Ravi Bopara were both lbw to Ben Hilfenhaus in successive ball. Hilfenhaus would have had a hat trick if Ian Bell had been good enough to touch the next ball.

Bell was out at 67, caught at slip off Mitchell Johnson, who had Paul Collingwood lbw to his inswinger and Cook caught behind at 78. If North had clung on to a chance from Matt Prior off the last ball Ricky Ponting would have claimed the extra half hour.

England, 82-5 light years behind the Aussie aggregate, are a beaten side, with their grip on the Ashes getting looser every over.

Disadvantage England

2009-08-07T02:44:00.000-07:00

Headingley. Fourth Ashes Test - day one.

Preview

Every so often there is a day in your life when you have to earn your money - and that was true for everyone in the England management team this morning.

They had a tricky decision when they knew Andrew Flintoff was out but just as they were pencilling in Steve Harmison's name they looked up and saw Matt Prior down in a heap with a back spasm.

Half an hour later they had patched up Prior so that on the surface the only change was Harmison for Flintoff. Our selectors like unchanged teams because it worked so well in and around 2005 and if you have no changes as a policy life becomes a lot simpler.

The Aussies chose Stuart Clarke for Nathan Hauritz - a more debatable change because sometimes you need a spinner at Leeds - and when Strauss won the toss it looked as if it was advantage England before a ball had been bowled.

To lunch

Quickly followed by disadvantage England. I reckon it was all down to Strauss, although he was hardly to blame.

Even when he was winning the toss he looked distracted - by injuries, team changes, interviews - which all tested his ability to deal with the extra load that goes with captaincy. Had he the spare capacity? It looks as if the answer was no. Someone should have taken more of the load. But who? Young Alistair Cook? He's not ready for such responsibility - yet.

Strauss should have been lbw first ball and was out - still looking distracted - to at 11. Ravi Bopara fell at 15, Ian Bell at 39, Paul Collingwood for nought, Cook, who had survived neatly to that point, at 63 and Stuart Broad, last ball before lunch at 72-6.

The ball moved every which way and Clark took the last three wickets with Yorkshire-tight intelligent medium pace.

It was Ashes-winning cricket, taut, expert, planned and well directed and for once the cliche about it being a good toss to lose was right on target.

To tea
In two thirds of a day England had thrown away all the courage they showed in the last few overs at Cardiff, their victory at Lord's and their enterprise at Edgbaston. The Spirit of Flintoff was conspicuously absent.

The last four wickets added only another ten runs and Jimmy Anderson, going for a single that continued his record of never making a Test duck, strained a thigh muscle and proceeded to bowl wildly. Prior cannot be blamed. What could be do more?

Australia, having bowled England out for 102 in 33,5 overs, then rushed to 69-1 in 15overs; Ricky Ponting, heartily booed all the way to the wicket when Simon Katich fell victim to Steve Harmison, played a festival innings and Shane Watson looked like a cross between Desmond Haynes and Herbert Sutcliffe.

All the lessons of Headingley - don't bowl short, lure the batsmen forward, let the pitch provide the devil - were forgotten. Faces fell, the crowd went quiet, even the Barmy Army could not raise a tune.

Their trumpeter has been "encouraged" not to attend the match as if he might be a 1930s Black Shirt seen heading for the East End. It has been a sad, sad day and I wonder if there is a voice left in the game to bring a revival from an England side that looks defeated already.

To close

Greg here

Ted has thrown the toys out of the pram and gone off to weep into his silk handkerchief just like Poms do when life goes wrong. "You take over and tell how your thieving mates steal this match," he says and promptly turns off his mobile.

Rest of the day is quite simple. Oz reach 196-4, Broad gets two jammy lbws and Onions one that is a bit closer but Michael Clarke and Marcus North bat out time. Clarke is full of runs although Harmison hits him on the helmet and seems to have him caught off his wrist band but 94 ahead at the end of the first day and Aussie are bound to win and keep the Ashes with a draw at the Oval.

Draw at the Oval . . . remind you of four years ago? I'll laugh so much I'll buy my own ale if that happens. I'm thinking of making a return trip so you'll all be able to buy me a beer on the last day. I'll be wearing an Aussie flag - just so you don't go getting in rounds for the wrong guys. In the meantime I will accept warm notes of congratulation by email so get typing, you miserable Poms.

Carry on shouting

2009-08-06T03:06:00.000-07:00

Greg here

What the hell are the head men at Headingley thinking about? Going shush to the Barmy Army! Telling the Western Terrace, behave or else. Hell, let 'em sing, let 'em chant, let 'em shout 'til their heads fall off; it will make for a better contest.

Mates and English pals, I worry about the future of the game.

Worst of all, it's my lot that start it. They send Andrew Symonds back to the jungles of Queensland because he has a beer. All right I know he promised to stay clean, but he's a red-blooded man and those of us who relish sport like a cold one when we watch Rugby.

Then, may I be forgiven for typing this sentence, they tell Ponting's little angels they must not sledge. What is the point of playing cricket if you cannot say to an incoming batsmen: "Hello, you look smart. Did your mum dress you?" And a lot worse.

So quiet on the field, silence on the terraces -I guess the next thing will be two vicars as umpires, or two policeman, or a posse of security guys waiting for one of the fielders to swear.

Back in the 19th century manliness was decided by whether you wanted to wear gloves against Spofforth on pitches like country paths. Then there was all the fuss about helmets 100 years later; how many lives have they saved?

Sticks and stones may break your bones but a few references to your mum and dad - Tasmanian cousins - not being formally introduced and your ancestors filling the convict ships to Oz are not going to kill anyone.

'Elf and Safety, political correctness; take it all away. It has no place in sport, well, not for Aussies anyway. Fair cheating all round, a couple of derogatory remarks and a few beers to take the heat out of the argument afterwards.

That's cricket - lets get on with it.

Oh, by the way, as you ask, I am fit and healthy and losing my fear that one of these days a lady with bad intentions will catch up with me. So stop worrying,

Greg Orry is fine, thanks

Eve of Headingley 2009

2009-08-05T01:53:00.000-07:00

Now is the time for the best of your zest
Please, not an over for rest
Think the spirit of Freddie
Every man jack of you ready

Remember Honfleur, think of Dunkirk
You have the talent, work before shirk
You're the better team
Just unpick their seam

Lets go to the Oval as winners
Be it as saints or sinners
A final push will make them collapse
And set up 3-0 perhaps

Downing Street, Buck House, all that stuff
(But forget Gordon's garden; once was enough)
Come on, gentlemen, Fred's end is near
Try discretion, and just one beer

Send for Harmy

2009-08-04T01:20:00.000-07:00

The cafe. Just me and the old guy, being wise, the way the old 'uns do.

I say: "Their luck's changed. They will be dangerous now. We've got no Freddie - almost sure, no KP, they are determined to keep on with young Broad rather than sending for Harmy who has blisters all over his feet, probably from the bile that comes when you are kept waiting around. Bloody selectors!"

TOG: "Yes, and we have a poor captain. Always 20 minutes behind play, short of ideas, not inspiring, sets bad fields. It will catch up with England, especially if he fails to make his share of runs. Funny, you know, when I lived in the north I used to think all the talk about southern players hating Headingley and never giving their best there, was just northern bias. But I moved south and now, listening to my neighbours, I'm not sure.

I go: "The Aussies are not as good a side as England, and Strauss is right about not having an aura, but England are still apprehensive. They would destroy an Indian or a Pakistan side of the same strength, particularly playing at home, but the Aussies create fear. I am not happy about the rest of the series. If we lost at Headingley, look out."

"I know," TOG says. "We have lived on the energy which came from drawing by the skin of our teeth in Cardiff. Now we may pay the price. It is no use keeping the same side just because we are not losing. England have to move forward. In other words we need Harmison instead of Broad, even though he is the most promising kid in years."

"Nice lad, too," says a voice from behind us. It's the young lad, full of vim and vigour, without a brain in his head, but he does keep us up to date with the gossip.

"Broady says to me at Trent Bridge 'well played, young 'un' and I say ' show a bit of respect, I'm only 18 months younger than you' and he says 'no, you're 30 years younger than me, I've got all me dad's wisdom behind me.' He then makes me laugh. He goes: 'Good lad, me dad. Takes after me in many ways.'"

"Old northern saying," says the veteran.

"I know," I say. "School captain says that to me all those years ago."

"Who's for the tea latte?" says another voice. It's a young girl, a stand-in for our waitress, last seen at Heathrow looking determined.

"Hello," says the youngster. "That's me. And what is your name, my pretty maid."

I think we all know what happens next in this social setting, never mind the results of the next two Tests.

The old guy gave me a lift home and its radio said England had drafted Ryan Sidebottom to bowl on his home pitch, offer variety and fitness and just a touch of batting and fielding. "Proper cricketer," said TOG, "but who will they leave out. Onions? It's a worry because these guys know nothing about cricket."

Greg manages a draw

2009-08-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

Edgbaston. Third Ashes Test - day five

Preview

Andrew Flintoff, who has already proved himself to be the man of the series twice over, says England can win and, as I have often thought before, Freddie is far to big to argue against.

The tide has flowed their way - while attempting to drown Australia with injuries to Brett Lee and Brad Haddin, bad umpiring decisions, bad luck with the toss, two Tests when they must have thought Mitchell Johnson had a serious personal problem, the sending home of Andrew Symonds and all those retirements.

For all that there is a way for Australia to win. If they can set England a small total we may see the 1981 Tests at Headingley and Edgbaston and several at the Oval in recent years, in reverse. But if Freddie gets going England will lead the series 2-0 with two to play early this afternoon.

To lunch

No false heroics about this session; instead proper tense, edgy. ornery cricket for 29 overs. Australia scored 84 runs, finished on 172-4 - that is a lead of 59 adn the prospect of dramatic batting and bowling in the final couple of hours.

England needed 67 minutes to get the first wicket, Shane Watson caught behind off James Anderson. Twenty minutes before lunch Stuart Broad forced Michael Hussey to give Matt Prior another catch. Who would have that the word "competent" would apply to Prior or that we would be able to praise the selectors for their patience with this increasingly needed all-round wicket-keeper and batsman.

Not a lot of spin nor swing and dogged batting from Australia who must still wonder if they can snatch victory. Wickets have to be earned; what a beautiful cricket Test.

To tea

By the time Michael Clarke and Marcus North had batted all the way through the final session it was clear this match was a draw; the second in favour of Australia even though England lead 1-0. It will be called off by agreement somewhere around five o'clock which is a shame for the spectators who got on line last night and in line this morning to buy the remaining tickets.

The major question arising from this match is how ICC will treat umpire Rudi Koertzen. He makes too many mistakes. Sometimes he appears to get the right decision by accident. I am beginning to think the unthinkable - that if, for instance, Simon Taufel is the best umpire isn't it better to have him rather than a neutral.

No question about Aleem Dar though. He is a calm figure of commonsense; may his stature increase.

To close

North gets out just short of his hundred, Clarke goes on to win the man of the match award, Strauss says hardly a ball swung, Ponting cannot tell us about the Brett Lee return.

Presumably, for reasons of togetherness, team loyalty and a desire not to write out the team sheet again Steve Harmison will only play if Flintoff is unfit or it is decided to hang on to Freddie for the final match at the Oval.

On the whole justice has been done. You cannot take two days out of a Test and expect a result but the sight of Australian batsmen defending for the whole of the last day must mean that England have the initiative and that there would be no justice if England lost the series.

My forecast of 3-1 to England is now impossible; I admit to a fundamental error. I believed the weathermen who said "barbeque summer." OK, it is a serious mistake but I have learnt my lesson and next time around I will be a mermaid, a mahout or a Martian. It might be easier.

Greg here:

As you know I have been on the run - well, I'm an Aussie. Saw bits on TV. Not impressed. I thought Andrew Strauss should be M-o-M for his sportsmanship over Brad Haddin. As for the rest, very lukewarm.

If anyone sees a tough lady with an apron and an oversized pitchfork held aloft, I'd appreciate a call. She is threatening me with a HOE - Hell On Earth. I might just turn up at the Oval but don't tell the L-o-M. If she can almost arrest me in Wagga Wagga she can sure as hell find me in south London.

Spirit of Flintoff

2009-08-02T01:00:00.000-07:00

Edgbaston. Third Ashes Test - day four

Preview

England will hope for fine weather so that they can have a large first innings lead and then bowl Australia out for an innings win. Andy Flower promised that was possible when rain brought any prospect of play to an end yesterday afternoon but he and the selectors have longer term problems to talk through soon.

It looks as if it is time Stuart Broad was sent back to Nottinghsmshire for a long spell so that he can develop into a high class bowler, learn restraint and decide whether he is going to be a blast-'em-out quick or a line-and length man, and to develop his batting.

There is vast potential but England may have to be patient and to remember what sort of man his father was. There is still time; they should use it.

To lunch.

An hour in which two more England wickets fell to soppy shots. Andrew Strauss tried to cut a ball that lifted and Paul Collingwood spent half an hour making 13 and then edged a ball to Ponting.

Both to Ben Hilfenhaus,the best Aussie bowler which does not say a lot for the rest. That is three in a row, 12 in the series; just think what a force he might have been if only Mitchell Johnson had bowled in the first two Tests as he bowled this morning.

England will be tested now, 104 behind with four wickets gone, and still facing a deficit on first innings. This Test is far from finished.

Loud voices could be heard complaining that the game did not start until noon yet the ground staff here have worked as hard as anyone could expect to get this match underway. England fans may be glad of the lost time by tomorrow evening.

To tea

The spirit of Andrew Flintoff carried the game away from Australia to such an extent that England led by 53 after scoring 157 in the two and a half hour session.

Ten great overs on the final morning at Lord's and now, on his favourite ground, Flintoff showed what England are losing when he retires after the fifth Test. He made top score of 74 off 79 balls, hit a six to level the scores and a four in the same over to bring up his fifty.

Even his dismissal was an inspiration for a ball from Nathan Hauritz leapt from a pothole by way of his glove to slip. Matt Prior and Broad, batting to save his place, offered sensible back-up but make no mistake about the importance of this innings at almost a run a ball.

It puts England in the driving seat, with their whip poised and with every chance of winning the match and - but for a fluke - the series tomorrow.

To close

Broad, who began the day under a cloud, had the sunniest smile as England built a lead of 113 and then, glory be, Graham Onions had Simon Katich caught behind and Graeme Swann bowled the ball of the series. It drew Ricky Ponting forward, turned sharply and bowled him through the gate.

Ponting had to drag himself away. I think he has been aware for a while that Australia cannot compete with this England.

They finished on 88-2, still 25 adrift, and the general assumption was that, with a fine weather forecast the result looks settled If Australia survive, you certainly will not forget their struggle in a hurry.

Wet

2009-08-01T01:21:00.000-07:00

Edgbaston. Third Test - day three

Preview

Is there time left for this match to be finished? Will the weather interfere today as forecast? It began raining at about 8am. And. especially if you are England, will Andrew Strauss and Ian Bell, get off to a solid start, or lose their wickets immediately?

Strauss went first thing on the second day at Lord's, Bell is weak in converting good starts into big hundreds and just look what Graham Onions did with the first two balls on day two. Still England are in a powerful position.

Geoff Boycott remains top of the pundit stakes with the remark that "there is not much to choose between these two teams". Australia are finding the going tough without their old stars - now sitting in various commentary boxes - while England have not yet made the transition from "improving" to "capable to heading to the top of the table."

I differ from Boycott because I think England will grow stronger and that even the end of Andrew Flintoff's career will not leave them weaker now that James Anderson has grown into such a potent force.

To lunch

Wet, wet, wet. The only amusement came from Sir Ian Botham driving a super soper; good job he has steady work on the media side of the fence. The rest of the day may go missing in the face of horizon to horizon cloud, gloom and under-the-surface water every ready to rise to grass level.

To tea

Called off at 2.30 and soon afterwards there are pools on the ground the size that will make an Olympic swimmer feel at home. I settle down to watch a replay of the 2005 Test at Old Trafford. Funny, isn't it, I can still feel the emotion of those days. That really was a series and a half.

To close

Forecast for day four is no better. The barbeque summer has been abandoned.

In command

2009-07-31T01:13:00.000-07:00

Edgbaston. Third Ashes Test - day two

Preview

The match is only 30 overs old but Australia have already gained a major foothold and, if there is sufficient time, go on to win. The day has begun with sunshine, England once again look out of sorts and without inspiration. Why? I have had the suspicion that in the half hour before they walked out to field someone in the dressing room said the wrong thing.

Perhaps at the last minute he - and I have no idea who he might be - said they had the beating of Australia and frightened the younger players who are still finding their way in Test cricket. Perhaps some old grudge emerged; who can tell what may have taken the wind from their sails. We may never find out what it is, but as at Cardiff someone has made a wrong move.

To lunch

The most dramatic and decisive session in the series - but it has been coming. Australia must feel that after all their bad luck in the first three Tests the writing was on the wall and that the Ashes were about to disappear.

Graham Onions exploded the Australian innings with the wickets of Shane Watson and Mike Hussey from the first two balls. Ricky Ponting was another Onions victim at 163-4 and after Andrew Flintoff dropped Michael Clarke ,James Anderson had Clarke lbw. Marcus North was caught behind, Mitchell Johnson lbw first ball and Graham Manou bowled.

Australia had made 77 for the loss of seven wickets at lunch and four batsmen had fallen for four in 13 balls. If ever Englishmen had reason to celebrate it was todaywith the old enemy eight down for 207.

To tea

The last three Australians kept going for 70 minutes and added 60 runs; Anderson finished with five wickets - remember Michael's Vaughan's suggestion of 30 wickets in the series? - and Onions with four.

Faced with 263 England began disastrously. Alistair Cook, who has had a mixed series, went for nought in the second over and it was tempting to think of another low score. But Strauss played another immaculate innings and Ravi Bopara, calmer than usual matched him run for run.

Johnson was not trusted with the new ball and when he came on just before tea he sprayed the ball around like a novice with a Sten gun. By tea, with at least two and a half hours to go, England were assured and in command.

To close

Darkness killed the rest of the day's play with England 116-2, with Strauss looking as if he could bat forever, but without Bopara who played one more soft shot when the game was set up for him to make a century.

Bopara remains an enigma, like Cook, like Stuart Broad. We may view his career differently in ten years time but at the moment he is not the finished product. Ian Bell hit fluent shots and sent Nathan Hauritz for six; maybe his time in the wilderness has had the desired effect.

As for this match, everything depends on the weather, and once again the forecasters report unsettled weather in prospect.

Strange England

2009-07-30T02:13:00.000-07:00

Edgbaston. Third Ashes Test - day one

Preview

Well, here is a turn up for the 21st century. The dropping of Phillip Hughes - forecast by this blog soon after he turned up to play for Middlesex - was announced on Twitter.

Just how this came about is still not clear but it has turned several faces in the Cricket Australia offices puce, there has been a lot of talk about "official announcements" and excuses put forward because Hughes has not yet passed the age of consent. It is just one more sign of confusion in their camp; mainly because the side is full of novice Test cricketers.

Shane Watson takes Hughes' opening spot; what chances he finishes the Test with an injury?

Apart from that it is all about the weather. No play before lunch is the common wager, but in the likely event of more rain, there may be no play today.

To lunch
Not sure anyone deserves the lunch that begins at 12.50, except maybe the umpires Rudi Koertzen and Aleem Dar who makes several sorties into the field, agree to be interviewed and come to the conclusion that standing in the rain is an unnecessary form of water-boarding and that they should not subject the players to such torture. The prospects are far from bright.

To tea

I hated days like this when I was a full-time reporter. You arrive early full of hope, spend hours watching for rain or fair weather, while your concentration slowly ebbs away and then, and you are always surprised,they are out on the field and two or three wickets fall and you take an age to catch up.

I was talking to an old friend about the job a couple of days ago. "Marvellous," and "better than coal mining" and "what did we ever find to grumble about" but just like a day down the pit there are moments when you wonder why you ever joined and just how you can escape. Today is one like that.

To close

Two hours or 30 overs; Australia in the sunshine, England in the deepest gloom. After the toss Brad Haddin broke his finger but Andrew Strauss gave permission for Australia to field Graham Manou, their other wicket-keeper, Nice sportsmanship, Andrew, shame about the rezt of your leadership.

Ricky Ponting won the toss and Shane Watson and Simon Katich set off as if they were on fire. Sixty runs in the first hour, then off the last ball of Graeme Swann's first over Katich was lbw - and another 60 runs came in the second hour. Australia finished on 126-1.

Brilliant start. But explain to me why after taking 2-0-4-1 Swann never bowled again. Why he bowled with a defensive field. As for the rest of the team, they looked - as they did at Cardiff - as if they had no drive, no energy, no wish to be on the ground. Very strange.

Keep the faith

2009-07-29T07:05:00.000-07:00

The result of the third Test - clearly a crucial match since England lead 1-0 in the five-Test series - is a matter of faith.

England plan to use Andrew Flintoff even though there are plenty of sensible people who believe that his knee may not last the full five days, He was the match-winner at Lord's. Can he repeat that trick again?

Australia will stick with Mitchell Johnson, who recently went 35 overs without taking a wicket which led us to suspect that maybe his skill had deserted him. Even against lowly Northants, Mitchell could only manage one tail-end wicket for a bucketful of runs. Ricky Ponting, the leader of the Johnson faith group, will not want a repeat of the performance.

There is another act of faith - in the weather. The British summer began with the suggestion that it would be suitable for daily barbeques. Now the Met Office has had a change of heart. The weather will be "unsettled." And we thought global warming was fact not faith.

One fact is indisputable. The England captain Andrew Strauss sometimes seems bewildered by the need to change bowlers, or fields, or strategy and there are those who wish Michael Vaughan was back, not matter how few runs came his way.

No need to worry about the Strauss run rate. Even as captain he has scored 1138 at 58.17 and only Graham Gooch has a better average with 58.72. If Strauss gets to fifty he usually presses on to 100 - the best conversion by any Englishman, and the best by any captain.

Oh, and by the way, Strauss rarely loses. In 14 Tests he has seven wins and one defeat; to West Indies this winter. At the same time he has made six hundreds and one fifty.

We may have to reassess his worth to the team particularly as the weathr forecasters suggest this match will be a draw, on a pitch the groundsman Steve Rouse says is like jelly already.

Keep the faith Steve; especially since I hear that today's rain may mean no play on the first day. It is still raining.

Hopefully

2009-07-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

Brett Lee, unlucky man, is out of the third Test - but what about Freddie Flintoff?

My household is divided. My partner, the renown Jo King, is convinced he will play in all the remaining Tests, because he is determined to win back the Ashes and set himself up for life by his Dunkirk, backs-to-the-wall, Horatio with his two mates on the bridge, last ditch, never-say-die, efforts.

I wish he would take a moment to rest. I did not like him playing at Lord's - where, he admits now, he was in "discomfort" and where, to my shame, he was man of the match.

I hope he is doing more to make sure of his fitness for the third match than strapping a machine from Outer Space to his knee every night as he mutters "hopefully" every 30 seconds.

He bowled at Lord's today and everyone watching his practice offered their own "hopeful" prayers.

The trouble is that such prayers are so common in sport I tend to yawn every time I hear the word.

Will he play? I don't know but if he does I trust and pray he will be properly fit and not just hopefully.

Greg's at home

2009-07-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

Greg here (from a secret location on Manley Beach, that's Sydney, just in case you did not quiet make out in geography),

Sorry I had to go home rather suddenly. The strife was getting too hot, specially from that lady in the cafe. No hearts broken, everything is apples, as we say Down Under, that person is not going to mourn very long, just tell the young boy to watch it; she is on the search.

But she tried the oldest girl con in the world - "I think I'm pregnant" she goes - but I'm not falling for that so I hop on to a plane like a demented wallaby, knowing she has more important bits of her life to tack together and she will not be following. But, look, a guy needs his freedom.

Anyway, I told Ted I was going and he says why don't I write a little about the Australian perspective from Oz, talk to the locals - he says! - as they head down to the Darling River on a personal suicide mission when they hear the lastest Mitchell Johnson bowling analysis. And chill.

I forecast a complete turnaround, Aussie win the next three Tests, run all the way back to Melbourne for a triumphal march, carrying Freddie Flintoff's knee warmer and Kevin Pietersen's Achilles tendons as the trophies of war.

See you the next time you're on Bondi,

Greg Orry

Bell tolls zero

2009-07-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

Long, long ago, when David Gower and Graham Gooch and other golden oldies were players not voices, there was a routine about my Sundays.

At 9am I'd ring the home of David Field, who worked for the Exchange Telegraph, a sports news agency, and he would tell me the squad for the Test starting the following Thursday.

There was no public relations department with the Test and Country Cricket Board that then ruled the professional game; and David had the duty to ring the chairman of selectors at breakfast time - the only witness to the announcement.

By midday the team was on the BBC radio news but that was too late for the editor's conference at my paper and, as there was almost always a surprise among the 12 or 13 names, the story was highly rated.

Now, in the age of 24-hour news, we forget how staggeringly slowly stories emerged 20years ago. Now I can get the names of the England squad for the third Test at Edgbaston into this blog in seconds; but let me tell you about 1959 when I worked on a local evening paper.

At 5pm I left the office to cover an evening match. Yorkshire were winning against Sussex and on their way to the championship, but none of us on the York Rugby League coach travelling to Hunslet could find the result that night. No text messages, no late night news, no Ceefax; no news until the morning papers arrived.

Now the process is so well tuned, players, coaches and PR men are so glib and the journalists so accustomed to lies, damned lies and statistics that no-one is surprised when forecast announcements mean nothing.

Thus today's proclamation of the England squad: same again, even though Kevin Pietersen cannot play, even though there is a temptation to tinker, "never change a winning team." Ian Bell will step up as No.4, "we will assess the conditions", and "the side will be announced on the morning of the match".

Some PR person has missed a trick here. Once the same-again con has been tried once, no-one is fooled. The public sighs, the papers pretend there is a story when there is nothing and we all feel cheated.

As a tempter to those who want to witness the match that must be counter productive.

Advertisements for myself

2009-07-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

I told you so
You know
When Aussie Hughes flew in
Who can believe the din

"He'll suss our game
Oh the shame!"
I said: "We'll find him out
Beyond a doubt."

Now we all know
Lit by the Ashes glow
A short ball at his body
Makes him shoddy

Leaving Aussies in a dither
They don't know which from whither
We're on top
Hughes due for the drop

Path to riches

2009-07-24T04:53:00.000-07:00

As soon as one of the really big stars ditches his Test contract and declares he will only play T20 cricket in future the rest will gallop after him.

Kevin Pietersen may be the first. Andrew Flintoff is clearly heading in that direction. Both of them have been severely injured by an international programme that is too crowded and remorseless.

There are plenty more in the wings. Sometime soon someone will lay down a new path to riches.

Start as a teenager in county, provincial or state cricket. Progress into the international sides. Establish your reputation and then move over to T20 cricket where the money is bigger, the workload is lighter, the chance of being injured is smaller and the time for recovery is greater.

It is no use the inner circle of cricket elite protesting that Test cricket is the true measure of a player's greatness. That may well be true but in a fast-moving, 21st century sports world the spectator's dollar, the sponsor's mega bucks and television's super cash demand a fast-moving game that can be nearly packaged as an evening's entertainment.

At the moment the gate is only half ajar. But my bet is that long before the next Ashes tour of England the path to T20 will be full of elite stars

Quiet!

2009-07-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

It's too quiet for my liking.

Silence about Kevin Pietersen's operation until it is over. Out for the rest of the series. That's a worry. Who takes his place? Why the secrecy? No problem, the doctors say. Fingers crossed.

No word about how Andrew Flintoff survives his big day. Must have done some damage, hasn't he. All those overs on the trot. He's a true star, a giant, if he survives. Isn't he?

There another subject which dare not speak its name. Andrew Strauss's captaincy. You should hear the wise guys in the media box. A dozen captains from England and Australia, all complaining. I count up 100 years of impressive leadership in one small area. "How can he be expected to bowl to a field like that," bellows one Aussie admirer of Graeme Swann.

Come on, fellas, Strauss wins a Test match and the toss in both Tests. What do you want? Hutton, Benaud, Brearley, Illingworth, Steve Waugh and Ian Chappell rolled into one?

Have a bit of sympathy for the lad. Jetted into the 2006 series against Pakistan when Michael Vaughan is injured and, encouraging Monty Panesar particularly, wins the series 3-1. Well, takes the series because its umpire Darrell Hair who decides the final Test which Pakistan are well on their way to winning when a big row breaks out, Inzamam-ul-Haq gets very cross and Hair says "Play or else" and awards the game to England.

Still, Strauss leads England to victory and we all say what a pity he wasn't in charge of the 2006-7 Ashes series which Flintoff leads - disastrously - instead.

Oh, and by the way, there is no-one else. The selectors won't sack him in mid-season even if he opens the bowling with Matt Prior and gives the gloves to the tea lady.

Mostly because there's no-one else. Who? Bring back Vaughan to replace KP and lead the side? Yeah, good idea. He who dares wins and I don't see Geoff Miller as an SAS hero. No-one in county cricket, the home of second class Springboks and third rate Irishmen.

It is all too quiet.

Sorry!

2009-07-21T23:49:00.000-07:00

The cafe. Greg has joined the old guy, the lad and I and he is giggling the moment he enters the place.

As the drinks arrive, he stands up. "Mr.Corbett will now issue an apology to all the many fans of A F Flintoff, Esq, and look suitably embarrassed while he does so."

I don't stand up. I ignore the cat calls, the hisses, and the waitress who says "Ya, boo, sucks" very loudly. I say: "I make a mistake. It's what sports writers do. They make statements like 'Freddie should not play in this match because he is injured' and have to watch it all crash round their ears while everyone else on the planet goes 'I always knew he would win the match.' Wise after the event, I'd give it. I am sorry, though. I like Freddie. He has a touch of greatness and only Goughie in recent years has had that. Among all the fast bowlers, that is."

Greg goes: "Humble, grovelling apology accepted, right." He nods to the waitress who wanders back into the kitchen.

"Anyway," says the old guy, "one bowling spell does not a summer make and we don't know yet if he will be fit for Edgbaston or the rest of the series. Ted might still turn out to be right. I want to know how many pain killers he had that final morning, how he was the next morning. Andy Flower made a heavy point about Freddie not playing unless he was fully fit and I wonder if that was a warning."

The kid says: "I remember, when I was still at school, the England coach at the time saying that Neil Foster was fit enough to play for another two years and the day after that Test Foster retires."

The waitress comes back into the room, grinning and sits down next to Greg and - very ostentatiously I have to say - holds his hand.

"We're sort of engaged," she says. "I'm taking him home to meet my cat tonight."

"Yeah," says Greg. "See, romance is not dead." He looks straight across at me and winks.

I wonder. It's only yesterday he remembers some urgent business he has back in Sydney and tells me he is flying home tomorrow.

At least holiday romance is not yet dead.

The cure

2009-07-21T03:53:00.000-07:00

Greg here,

Well, best to let Ted have the major say on the Test as soon as it became clear - like on day one - that England hold all the major cards, like winning the toss and making a few runs off Mitchell Johnson.

Mates, did you ever see such bowling in a Test match? He takes his 100th wicket in this match and if you didn't know better you will be convinced he is twins and that the ping pong player of the two goes: "Let me play at Lord's, please, double please, Mitch" and he is so bored with collecting big wickets that he goes "Oh, all right, junior, just this once, but don't tell anyone important" and the other twin plays.

Just a bit of fantasy, guys and gals, but you do see my point. Now Ricky Ponting will rush him off to Northampton - that is near enough to Leicester and just as boring - and the medical staff will give him bush tucker or a magic potion or some other voodoo and he will be right for the Test at Edgbaston. Twin flies home.

I don't reckon it's all over yet but there are times when I catch a glimpse of Ponting's face on a TV set and I think "Yes, mate, you know you have charge of the crappest side to leave Australia since convicts get the vote and that you are going to be the first Aussie captain for 100 years to lose two series in a row here."

On the other hand I am proud of the way the lads conduct themselves. Seriously bad umpiring decisions for England and against Oz, no Brett Lee, Johnson can't hit Ayres Rock from ten yards, new side bound to have hiccups now and again, and still fighting on the last day.

What's more, when they lose, they go "thank you" quite politely, "England is the better team", clap nicely and are very genteel when the Queen comes down their line, which if I am to believe what I read in the British nasty press, is more than her partner The Big Duke can manage when someone tries to make lunchtime conversation.

"Enjoy your lunch, sir?"

"What a stupid question."

We won't try to teach the old boy good manners, but we will be ready to pounce on the first mistake made by England and see if they come up smiling in the next three Tests.

Oh, and by the way, well done Freddie Flintoff. Sorry you have to quit mate but we all love you to pieces and if you're ever in Oz do drop in. Ted's got the address and he says you're a nice guy and you'll be good with the kids and with the fans.

See you-all soon,

Greg Orry

Lord of Lord's

2009-07-20T00:51:00.000-07:00

Lord's. Second Ashes Test - day five

Preview

I hope you are feeling strong this morning because I have a shock for you. I think Australia deserve to win. They have overcome the absence of Brett Lee, the retirement of so many former stars, the presence of Mitchell Johnson, a new ball bowler who performed as if he had never played cricket before, several rotten umpiring decisions and the cat-calls of a crowd bent in reducing Ricky Ponting to a quivering wreck.

Yet they still have an outside chance of winning with a world record score and with style. In more than 300 Tests I have rarely seen a better backs-to-the-wall innings than Michael Clarke's stylish century nor a more punchy knock than Brad Haddin's.

To victory

Andrew Flintoff, pushing his dodgy knee to one side, bowled all the morning, snapped up three more wickets to give England their first victory over Australia at Lord's since 1934. It took a big man to grab such a moment and, of course, Freddie did it in style.

He finished the innings and his final appearance in a Test at Lord's with five wickets in the innings - only his third at that - and promised us all that he would be back for the third Test at Edgbaston in nine days time.

He had Haddin beautifully caught in the slips by Paul Collingwood, and bowled Nathan Hauritz and Peter Siddle and, as the crowd rose to its feet to salute him, stood with his arms stretched out as if to embrace them all, his admirers.

Graham Swann lured Clarke down the pitch and bowled him and took the final wicket by bowling Mitchell Johnson who had played a fine cameo innings.

But make no mistake it was Flintoff's day. And to think there have been suggestions since he announced his retirement that England would be just as strong without him. "Magnificent" said Strauss and of course Freddie was man of the match.

Australia didn't win but on this form they can be expected to put up another big fight at Edgbaston starting July 30. By the way Greg Orr, presently weeping into a plastic bucket, will be here tomorrow to explain it all away. (It's a very nice plastic bucket with an Australian flag the bottom.)

Bit like Greg really!

Whose victory now?

2009-07-19T02:44:00.000-07:00

Lord's Second Test - day four

Preview
Showers swept across the ground, causing the start to be put back 15 minutes, it was cloudy overhead and without pause for more than a moment's detailed consideration Strauss declared, leaving Australia to make 522 to win although their vice captain Michael Clarke , searching for a positive outlook, claimed records were made to be broken. Where did he read that I wonder?

Two no doubt interrupted days with conditions favouring swing seemed to set up an England win long before 188 overs had been completed but - no I cannot believe the Aussies can save the game, much less win.

To lunch

In the short term, England had taken the wickets of the openers and conceded just 76 runs but in the long term Andrew Flintoff, who had had both Simon Katich and Phillip Hughes caught had had to go off for treatment. His spell finished with a considerable limp and there has been a fear throughout this series that his good days might be outweighed by the injury moments.

Whether Strauss's decision to bowl him for seven successive overs was a good one remains to be seen. Both dismissals were controversial. Katich, caught in the gully, may have been out to a no-ball, and Hughes, to a ball which appeared to touch the ball as Strauss caught it.

Ricky Ponting began sketchily and he was hit on the hand but he was in control by the interval and Michael Hussey survived readily.

To tea

When Ponting was out - for another low Lord's score - bowled from an inside edge off Stuart Broad there were immediate signs that an Australian defeat might come today. Two more wickets fell to Graham Swann's off spin: Hussey caught at slip even though TV technology claimed the ball did not hit the edge and Marcus North bowled by a quick ball.

England led at the interval by 178, conditions were helping their bowlers and all the luck was going their way; but Michael Clarke lived up to his pre-innings interview with a series of superb shots through the offside.

To close

Clarke continued down his chosen path and with Brad Haddin put on 185 for the sixth wicket so that when bad light stopped play with the Lord's lights blazing Australia were 313-5, 209 behind and giving every cricket lover the suspicion that there might be a magnificent finish to this extraordinary Test.

They kept the scoreboard ticking by refusing to be daunted by the huge task and taking every single on offer.

England are still favourites although they had to be assembled for a rousing huddle by Strauss as the second new ball was taken. If the Australians win, as they might, it will be a record to end all records and continue the sequence at Lord's in which they have not been beaten since 1934.

Flintoff and Pietersen both finished the day limping; how will they finish the series, if at all?

Stranglehold

2009-07-18T02:05:00.000-07:00

Lord's. Second Ashes Test - day three

Preview

Remember what Michael Vaughan said just before he retired. Someone should remind James Anderson what the effect would be - for him as well as the team - if he took 30-plus wickets in this series. He should make big inroads into that total in the next 48 hours which will mean England have made considerable strides towards winning back the Ashes.

I will remind what I said: that Australia were, like the 1985 squad, not as good as everyone thought and that England would win by going from strength to strength.

I also like the idea of an Andy - Flintoff, Strauss, Flower and now Anderson - playing a major part. Lets see.

To lunch

England found a dry, batsman's pitch and needed an hour to get the last two wickets -to Graham Onions - while Australia took advantage of the absence of a third man to add 54 runs.

Naturally Andrew Strauss decided not to enforce the follow-on and, with Mitchell Johnson bowling in a way that gave drains a bad name, 57 were added without loss and or difficulty. Half way through the match England had the game in their hands although second innings wickets may be a problem.

Johnson took his 100th Test wicket in the first innings as he ceded a run a ball but there must be serious doubts about his place on the tour. He seemed to be a real find right up to his arrival in this country. Now Ricky Ponting must wonder to get rid of this wayward paceman.

To tea

Strauss and Cook went in successive overs from Nathan Hauritz soon after lunch and Ravi Copara and Kevin Pietersen batted so slowly that both appeared to be totally out of form. Ponting missed the stumps when trying to run out Pietersen and four balls later dropped Bopara.

Then, in the final over of the session, a low catch to Hauritz off the struggling Johnson was turned down. England were so far on top, 350 in front with eight wickets left, that they did not want to give Australia too much time in the fourth innings unless they dreamed of winning.

Ponting was operating on such limited bowling resources that he had to go back to Johnson for all the left arm swing bowler looked as if he was a nervous debutant rather than a top-class wicket-taker.

To close

Matt Prior, Paul Collingwood - already a candidate for man of the series - and Andrew Flintoff all followed the lead set by Pietersen and Bopara so that at the end England were 311-6, with a lead of 521 and the only concerns about the weather and the perfect time to declare.

There was no point in closing the innings tonight as rain approached - and eventually stopped play - and now Strauss has to decide if he bats on in the morning or decides he has enough.

No side has come close to winning with 521 in the fourth innings of a Test but it is easy to understand a caution. An Australian side scored 404-4 to beat England at Headingley n 1948 and no-one in this country at that time could see anything but an England victory.

Records are made to be broken, Strauss will think tonight, and he is right. So a few more minutes batting and a few more runs and an awkward declaration are on the cards.

Majestic Anderson

2009-07-16T23:36:00.000-07:00

Lord's. Second Ashes Test - day two

Preview
Will it rain all day? If not, will England reach 500, which is at the top of Andrew Strauss's wish list? Will Strauss reach a huge score? He probably needs to if England are to hit the 450 mark which is his minimum requirement. Will Nathan Hauritz play any further part in the match? One piece of good news - start on time.

To lunch

Jimmy Anderson's morning. He - with tremulous assistance from Graham Onions put on 47 for the last wicket after three wickets had fallen in the first three overs. Strauss left a ball that was too close to the off stump, Stuart Broad, played on, and Graeme Swann was caught in the slips.

Anderson hit intelligently and Onions streakily to take the score to 425 just as the Queen was arriving for her annual visit. Not that her presence helped but Anderson made it a Royal occasion by taking the wickets of Phillip Hughes and Ricky Ponting. Umpire Rudi Koertzen probably mistook the noise of Ponting's bat on his boot as an edge but all the technical evidence suggested Ponting did not touch the ball. I'd say "Hard luck, Ricky, mate" but I'd be a hypocrit if I did.

So as the teams paraded for the Queen Australia were still more than 400 behind after a dozen overs of struggle. I bet England thought the interval, extended to take in all the handshaking, would never end.

To tea

A wretched couple of hours, twice interrupted by rain, but at the end Simon Katich and Michael Hussey had restored a solid feel to the Australian innings.

To close

England took complete command. Led by their four pace bowlers - Anderson, Flintoff, Broad and Onions - they sent Australia toppling as six wickets fell for 53. At the close, after 20 minutes play under lights, Australia were 156-8 and the debate in Strauss's mind could only have been about sending them in again tomorrow morning, perhaps 240 behind.

It was the decision by Flintoff to pitch the ball further up that seemed to unsettle the Australians. Katich and Hussey were going well at 103 for two when Flintoff led the charge for wickets on a pitch that was in favour of bowlers, under a sky to fill the heart of a quick bowler with pleasure and backed by some of the finest England fielding. Anderson,with four wickets, must be sure a place on the honours board is waiting.

Broad snatched a brilliant running catch to get rid of Katich and from that moment everything Strauss tried worked. It is too early to count chickens but the smell of the first England victory over the Aussies at Lord's since 1934 was in the air.