Man of the match already

Test match No. 1981. Is that significant?

To lunch. We didn't think it was our lucky number - Botham and all that - after the third ball when Strauss cut a ball that dipped in straight to slip. What a miserable moment after winning the toss and declaring he could not wait to start. At 41 Jonathon Trott was bowled following an hour of painful batting. Lunch 86-2 and KP looking good while Cook stumbled but survived.

To tea. Even though four were out for 172, England seemed set fair for a decent if not spectacular score. Wrong again. Pietersen was caught at slip but Collingwood lasted only ten minutes. Bell survived a dropped catch by the keeper and was solid in footwork and technique while Cook was improving. Then at 197 the sky fell in.

The close. Cook edged Siddle to Watson's midriff for 67, Prior played anywhere but straight next ball and, despite an appeal, Broad was lbw - all to Siddle. A hat trick! Wow. Now which side was on top as England surveyed the wreckage of 197-7.

Siddle, on his 26th birthday and a year after his last Test, had bowled dynamically at no more than 82 miles an hour. Man of the match already. I wished Alec Bedser, who disapproved of all fast bowling, had been alive to see a classic display of fast medium in the way of Sydney Barnes, Maurice Tate and a dozen other Englishmen. It was not Australian bowling which is usually seven or eight miles an hour quicker; the nearest modern example is Shaun Pollock, an underestimated great South African.

Bell, Swann and Anderson scrambled a few more; England 260. Katich, hopping around like Kim Barnett on speed AND a hot tin roof, and Watson scored 25. Australia's day by a kangeroo kilometer. Day one of 30 had been an England disaster.

From my sofa I got a couple of glimpses of the Lotto lot. I guess they had had something to drink; they looked so happy. As for their promised texts of wisdom about the reasons for this mayhem - not a word. I hope they enjoyed Siddle and Australia as they made a major contribution to one of the great days of Ashes cricket.

Jo King, Queen Stat, says: Peter Siddle's magnificent hat trick was the 11th by an Australian bowler; the first was by Fred Spofforth, aged 25, 6ft 3in and, judging from his pictures thin as a super model. "A swarthy, black-haired lady killer with long sideburns, a droopy moustache and surplus vitality" so the old books say. His hat trick came in the Melbourne Test of 1878-9 and from that moment legends grew round the quick bowler. Those same books say he rode to and from a match in Victoria to Sydney by horse - a round trip of 400 miles. Eventually he settled in Surrey, played until he was more than 50 and died, aged 73, leaving the equivalent today of £3m.

Hours later an unprintable text arrives. I think it fair to translate it as a day of disappointment. For those near and far.

Verdict time

Ted Corbett, veteran of a million Test days, says: It's the eve of the - if you listen to all the TV and radio bull - most important Test in history and I am dead worried that the fighting Aussies might squeeze out a series victory 1-0. Oz ought to lose because they are a poor side, with a mix of old and raw and suffering all the misery like bad selections, Michael Clarke's bad back and, unjustified ambition from their fans, that goes with losing. Logically England 3-1.

Jo King, Statistician Royal, says: Do not, Andrew Strauss, on pain of an hour under the water board, put the Aussies in. Understood? Len Hutton did, lost by an innings, won the series and got a knighthood. Nasser Hussain still cannot believe, eight years on, that he said: "We'll field." Peter May won the toss at Brisbane in 1959 but Nasser is the only one since and where is his tap on the shoulder. If the captain does as he is told England 2-1

The rich guys in the Gabba: Sorry to be so down but we will follow KP all the way back to the pavilion - and still cheer an England victory here. As for the series, well, not so sure. A draw maybe 2-2

Greg Orry, Aussie barracker, says: I can't back the Aussies but I trust England can win with a bit of style 3-0.

A shocker awaits

Just a few hours to go but my rich friends have been busy. "We've kept you a seat," says one text. So have I. My sofa opposite the world's biggest TV set and next to the DAB radio on which to hear the intelligent commentary of the radio chaps Agnew, Marks and the rest describing what I am about to see one second later. You know about all that satellite delay, don't you. I shall have coffee when needed, a hard frost outside and the company of my favourite stats lady who promises to provide us with one delicious fact a day for the duration of the Ashes. You can read my commentary soon after close of play - if I stay awake. And don't worry. The new rich will read this paragraph and pass the ticket on. The seat will not be wasted, either in the middle of the Fens or in the middle of the Gabba. In 24 hours, by the way, you can read my assessment of the five Tests and unless I have a major change of mind you may received a shock.

How many?

SEVENTEEN in the Australian Test squad! SEVENTEEN! And one of the ex-Test men said at 4.30am GMT that any of the Australia A team might ALSO by included. Perhaps a squad of TWENTY in total. Maybe more? Any youngish Aussie with his own whites? Ricky Ponting could spend more time telling players they are not wanted than setting the field. Watch it, Straussy, you may have the better side but you are going to be seriously outnumbered.

No kidding!

Greg, the young Aussie, leads the Ashes Five off to Hobart for the final match before the first Test, 30 degrees Celcius cooler north in Brisbane. Four of the England party don't make the trip so they can get used to the Brisbane heat. Kate texts: "God is it bloody cold. Even the one horse is shivering. Greg keeps going on at me to sleep with him and if it gets two degrees cooler I'll have to give in. Ooops, sorry, I have given in. Bloody hell that was quick! Where is young Bobby when a girl needs a knight in shining armour. Oh, well,at least no Aussie can get me pregnant." Bobby is the young cricketer who tags along when he can't get an overseas gig for the winter. Nice girl Kate and you are never sure when she is kidding.

Jimmy riddle

We are worried about Jimmy Anderson. Now that Paul Collingwood - good old reliable Colly, stout heart, hero of the last Ashes Test at Adelaide and all round good fella - has made a few runs it is clear that the team that is playing against South Australia must play in the first Test, 15 days hence. Except for Jimmy, victim of a nasty blow to the ribs, behind with his training, his match fitness and all his other preparations, and, who knows, not ready for five days in the Brisbane sun. So let us be prepared for him to sit it out and - perhaps - Tim Bresnan to fill in, just for one Test. If Steven Finn is a success - and I expect him to be - Anderson may have to sit out at least one other Test so that Monty Panesar, the weapon Shane Warne thinks ought to be sitting at home in Northamptonshire, staring at his navel, can strike fear into the Aussies.

Strauss the hero

England win their first match against Western Australia mainly due to a century from Andrew Strauss. His batting will be a key to the series as Alistair Cook has had two poor innings and the predictions that Kevin Pietersen will come good one day soon are proving to be half true at best. I am expecting a lot from Jonathon Trott too.

Meanwhile, four hours flying time away in Brisbane, life is proceeding in the way you might expect. Other tourists are finding that the Aussie dollar rate for the pound sterling is making food and, not least of all, drink expensive. Not for our merry Lotto lunatics. They have gone over to single word texts. So far I have had two "WILD!", one "You Must Join Us Pronto" and today "Ouch, me ead urts." Regular updates on this blog or, if their previous form is anything to go by, reports from the nearest magistrates court.