A shocker awaits

Just a few hours to go but my rich friends have been busy. "We've kept you a seat," says one text. So have I. My sofa opposite the world's biggest TV set and next to the DAB radio on which to hear the intelligent commentary of the radio chaps Agnew, Marks and the rest describing what I am about to see one second later. You know about all that satellite delay, don't you. I shall have coffee when needed, a hard frost outside and the company of my favourite stats lady who promises to provide us with one delicious fact a day for the duration of the Ashes. You can read my commentary soon after close of play - if I stay awake. And don't worry. The new rich will read this paragraph and pass the ticket on. The seat will not be wasted, either in the middle of the Fens or in the middle of the Gabba. In 24 hours, by the way, you can read my assessment of the five Tests and unless I have a major change of mind you may received a shock.