Farewell kiss

So to the end of another Ashes triumph.

I am pleased to report that all the members of the Lotto Lot returned to the SCG in time for England's victory and, according to one member, Kate voted that a certain - and most unlikely - member of the team "gave me the sweetest kiss" when they went round the ground to offer special thanks to the supporters.

Before they set off home - "we want none of that one-day rubbish" - the veteran reported: "England showed everyone that you do not need high pace but that good, solid fast medium pace combined with accuracy and variations will be just as effective." He also praised the patience of the England batsmen. "They never attacked because they thought the next ball might be their last. They were all too aware of the destructive effect of four singles in an over; perhaps more effective than a single four, no matter how flashy,"

I texted back that some writers had given Collingwood only four marks. "Then they were not watching," he replied. "He took one catch that will live with me for a long time and, besides, he is one tough cookie. He never took a backward step in the face of all the sniping from the Aussies. I am sorry he is going but I guess it would be hard to explain why to the Lord's lot."

By the way, he added, "the money has gone, so with many thanks to J Smith of london, our sponsor, we are off home. It has been a fantastic trip, and I have had some experiences which will also stay with me forever. Kate was not the only one to receive a sweet farewell kiss - but I will not include that in my autobiography!"