Now, just five and a half weeks before the battle for the Ashes begins, we have a voice of reason. For once - in contrast with my previous blog - The Brain has cut through the Bull and left no-one baffled.
Michael Vaughan, who in five years transformed himself from a century maker into the finest England captain of his generation, did the talking in The Sunday Telegraph, and for the first time this summer you knew every word made sense.
He believes:
England must have Monty Panesar ready to bowl with Graeme Swann at Cardiff where the pitch is rumoured to help spin.
The first day of what he expects to be a tight series may be "massive." The team that gets in front early will win the series.
"Stuart Broad is one of the best thinking bowlers I've ever had the chance to work with" and that he is a yard faster than in the Caribbean.
The Aussies will test Ravi Bopara with bouncers; Jimmy Anderson should be encouraged to take 30 wickets in the series.
Finally, logically and sensibly "I think we have a good chance but we are not favourites." There may be an element of BBB in that statement
It is almost comical that, like most batsmen, Vaughan believes the tail-end batting is crucial. It is a defence mechanism; "if I fail we need back-up". He is right to be afraid of the batting power of Mitchell Johnson low in the Australian order but if he were captain surely he would go for the bowler likely to take wickets rather than the bowler who might score 25.
And, yes, I do remember the Ashley Giles batting in 2005 and that Giles is now a selector.
He adds that he does not want the captaincy but that he is willing to bat anywhere to get into the team. He has four first class matches to prove he is still good enough.
As I have said repeatedly in this blog I trust he can find the runs because England need his class and - at least once - Andrew Strauss will need The Brain.
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Saturday, 30 May 2009
Time for bull!
We have just witnessed one of the important stages in any Ashes competition - the BBB push for fame and glory.
BBB? No, it's not a new Twenty-20 league;it's an old Army saying - Bull Baffles Brains.
Thus Ricky Ponting, landing here with his Twenty-20 side - later to turn into the Ashes team - confiding to those with loaded but out-of-control pens, sharpened fingers or tape recorders that he was not concerned by England's recent improvement in form.
No? The RP statement is not so much the truth as an attempt to show that the Aussies are cool, unworried by defeats inflicted on a team as poor as West Indies - although, dear me, it would be beyond the pale to say as much - and that they will deal with newly-revived England as a matter of routine.
The Australians are past masters at selecting the England team, oh, going back to the time when WG was a clean-shaven whipper snapper.
"Andrew Flintoff is important to England but not if he bowls as he did in 2006-7," Ponting adds. The truth is that England have built up a neat package of fast medium bowling which will - if the groundsmen play their part and the selectors do not get cold feet - be just as effective as any team headed by Flintoff.
In fact, lets be honest, upright and fully committed to the truth here, Flintoff is a liability, is not likely to hit his straps - don't you just hate that phrase - as he did in 2005 and is better therefore if he is held in reserve while Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Ryan Sidebottom tear Ponting's babes to bits.
To be even more honest, If you think that last paragraph is anything but another example of BBB, you had better sell the mansion, take the profits to the bookies, back England and wave your life goodbye.
Lets hear it. The Ashes are coming and BBB is alive and well and comfortable on this blog!
BBB? No, it's not a new Twenty-20 league;it's an old Army saying - Bull Baffles Brains.
Thus Ricky Ponting, landing here with his Twenty-20 side - later to turn into the Ashes team - confiding to those with loaded but out-of-control pens, sharpened fingers or tape recorders that he was not concerned by England's recent improvement in form.
No? The RP statement is not so much the truth as an attempt to show that the Aussies are cool, unworried by defeats inflicted on a team as poor as West Indies - although, dear me, it would be beyond the pale to say as much - and that they will deal with newly-revived England as a matter of routine.
The Australians are past masters at selecting the England team, oh, going back to the time when WG was a clean-shaven whipper snapper.
"Andrew Flintoff is important to England but not if he bowls as he did in 2006-7," Ponting adds. The truth is that England have built up a neat package of fast medium bowling which will - if the groundsmen play their part and the selectors do not get cold feet - be just as effective as any team headed by Flintoff.
In fact, lets be honest, upright and fully committed to the truth here, Flintoff is a liability, is not likely to hit his straps - don't you just hate that phrase - as he did in 2005 and is better therefore if he is held in reserve while Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Ryan Sidebottom tear Ponting's babes to bits.
To be even more honest, If you think that last paragraph is anything but another example of BBB, you had better sell the mansion, take the profits to the bookies, back England and wave your life goodbye.
Lets hear it. The Ashes are coming and BBB is alive and well and comfortable on this blog!
Friday, 29 May 2009
A load from the dunny
Now - 41 days from the start - for something completely different.
Hello you Poms,
Greg here. Not my real name but I don't want the tax guys to know I have left the country. It is just that Ted says he needs some balance in his blog and he hopes I will put the Aussie point of view.
Well, that wont take long, mate. We will be taking the Ashes home with us sometime late in September and you can just cling on to that thought while we steamroller little Tim Bresnan and company into the ground.
Strewth! You guys do not do much to help yourselves, do you. Tim is not the name for a fast, well quickish, well slow medium seam bowler. Didn't his mum know he was going to be an England cricketer? Fast bowlers are called Freddie Flintoff or Trueman, Bob Willis, Steve Harmison or Harold Larwood. But Tim! You wouldn't even call a spin bowler Tim for fear his mates might want to kiss him all the time.
So we've settled that the Aussies are going to win, just like they won the First and Second World Wars, even if you do produce another cheating little run-out expert like that rat Pratt or try to make us play at midnight in the deciding match.
Ponting's boys were above all that. They knew that if they went out to bat again, your guys would shine miners' lamps in the umpire's eyes and then throw beamers at our heads. So we quit, took the traditional route home on the same ship that brought out the first convicts and camped in the Outback without food and water for six months to plan our revenge.
Did it work or did it work? It worked! Five bloody nil it worked!
Now we have picked out a dunnyload of new Aussie heroes - every one a throwback to the days when men were men and gals were glad of it - who are going to tear the Ashes from your Lord's and masters and this time we will run all the way back to Oz tossing the little urn around and yelling and hollering.
Just to make everything fair dinkum, if the series is any way close - 3-0 to us or some such, or the rain gets on a pitch or two - we will give The Queen a blast on our cell phones and ask if we can play a decider indoors, five a side, 20-20, at Buck House.
She'll say yes, sure as apples; she looks like a game bird. She's not an Aussie, is she?
More from Greg right through to the end.
Hello you Poms,
Greg here. Not my real name but I don't want the tax guys to know I have left the country. It is just that Ted says he needs some balance in his blog and he hopes I will put the Aussie point of view.
Well, that wont take long, mate. We will be taking the Ashes home with us sometime late in September and you can just cling on to that thought while we steamroller little Tim Bresnan and company into the ground.
Strewth! You guys do not do much to help yourselves, do you. Tim is not the name for a fast, well quickish, well slow medium seam bowler. Didn't his mum know he was going to be an England cricketer? Fast bowlers are called Freddie Flintoff or Trueman, Bob Willis, Steve Harmison or Harold Larwood. But Tim! You wouldn't even call a spin bowler Tim for fear his mates might want to kiss him all the time.
So we've settled that the Aussies are going to win, just like they won the First and Second World Wars, even if you do produce another cheating little run-out expert like that rat Pratt or try to make us play at midnight in the deciding match.
Ponting's boys were above all that. They knew that if they went out to bat again, your guys would shine miners' lamps in the umpire's eyes and then throw beamers at our heads. So we quit, took the traditional route home on the same ship that brought out the first convicts and camped in the Outback without food and water for six months to plan our revenge.
Did it work or did it work? It worked! Five bloody nil it worked!
Now we have picked out a dunnyload of new Aussie heroes - every one a throwback to the days when men were men and gals were glad of it - who are going to tear the Ashes from your Lord's and masters and this time we will run all the way back to Oz tossing the little urn around and yelling and hollering.
Just to make everything fair dinkum, if the series is any way close - 3-0 to us or some such, or the rain gets on a pitch or two - we will give The Queen a blast on our cell phones and ask if we can play a decider indoors, five a side, 20-20, at Buck House.
She'll say yes, sure as apples; she looks like a game bird. She's not an Aussie, is she?
More from Greg right through to the end.
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
You've got to laugh
The cafe. The usual threesome. It's May so I'm wrapped against the cold, the old pro is wearing two old sweaters and the kid is in a pair of ragged shorts and a tee shirt with the sleeves torn out.
"You never learned to tie a tie?" asks the veteran. The kid looks shy. "I'm off go-cartin'" he says. "If this game finishes with me I might follow Lewis Hamilton. He makes more than a poor cricketer with a rotten county."
The old 'un looks ready to faint. "Get dressed up and play a round of golf," he grumbles. "We all did that in my day - Dexter, Boycott, Underwood - the bloody lot. Tie and a nice pullover. It's all it takes and it makes you look like a cricketer. Look at you now - going rattin' or beggin' or off lookin' for drugs."
"Not on my wages," says the kid. "Now if I was in F1 . . ."
I try to change the subject. "Any news, anyone?" I ask.
"I hear that Ryan Sidebottom is fully fit and rarin' to go," says the old guy."No Freddie but I reckon Sidebottom might be the difference. A month of county stuff and he'll roll over those Aussies. I'm not sure they've picked the right team."
"That Tim Bresnan is all right," says the kid. "He says 'Go for it kid' when I get to fifty and start hitting at Kettering one time. But I wonder if Strauss fancies him. You know, being Yorkshire and all that."
"He knows his game," says the vet. "Bowls nicely in the one-days. But he needs a five-fer or something to make the rest of the world take notice."
The waitress appears. "Who's the tea latte?" she asks. The lad says he is and slips off to the toilet.
"What are you putting in that tea latte he keeps ordering?" I ask. "Slops," she says. "He knows nothing. See what happened that time when Bresnan says 'Go for it.'"
"Do tell," I say sensing gossip.
"This child hits the next ball into the pavilion and the ball after that straight up in the air. I hear Bresnan shout 'One for six - I'll settle for that every two balls' and the tea latte here doesn't know to this day it is a wind up."
"He's only a lad," I say.
"Stuart Broad is two years younger and you will never catch him out like that," says our waitress. "I like that attack even without Freddie: Anderson, Broad, I'm told Sidebottom is fit, and Bresnan. They'll know too much for the Aussies."
"Never,"says the kid, coming back to the table. "You know nothing about this game, do you!"
WE WERE leaving the cafe - me with my radio in my ear - when the news came through that Flintoff was out of the World Twenty-20. "That's not news," said the old man. "Just someone with nothing better to do making an official announcement."
"It's a worry," said the lad. "Serious."
"He'll be all right," I said
"No, not Freddie," he grumbled. "I mean that bloody waitress might be right. Funny girl, you know. It was her told me that a young athlete like me ought to drink tea latte. It's foul. Like slops."
"You never learned to tie a tie?" asks the veteran. The kid looks shy. "I'm off go-cartin'" he says. "If this game finishes with me I might follow Lewis Hamilton. He makes more than a poor cricketer with a rotten county."
The old 'un looks ready to faint. "Get dressed up and play a round of golf," he grumbles. "We all did that in my day - Dexter, Boycott, Underwood - the bloody lot. Tie and a nice pullover. It's all it takes and it makes you look like a cricketer. Look at you now - going rattin' or beggin' or off lookin' for drugs."
"Not on my wages," says the kid. "Now if I was in F1 . . ."
I try to change the subject. "Any news, anyone?" I ask.
"I hear that Ryan Sidebottom is fully fit and rarin' to go," says the old guy."No Freddie but I reckon Sidebottom might be the difference. A month of county stuff and he'll roll over those Aussies. I'm not sure they've picked the right team."
"That Tim Bresnan is all right," says the kid. "He says 'Go for it kid' when I get to fifty and start hitting at Kettering one time. But I wonder if Strauss fancies him. You know, being Yorkshire and all that."
"He knows his game," says the vet. "Bowls nicely in the one-days. But he needs a five-fer or something to make the rest of the world take notice."
The waitress appears. "Who's the tea latte?" she asks. The lad says he is and slips off to the toilet.
"What are you putting in that tea latte he keeps ordering?" I ask. "Slops," she says. "He knows nothing. See what happened that time when Bresnan says 'Go for it.'"
"Do tell," I say sensing gossip.
"This child hits the next ball into the pavilion and the ball after that straight up in the air. I hear Bresnan shout 'One for six - I'll settle for that every two balls' and the tea latte here doesn't know to this day it is a wind up."
"He's only a lad," I say.
"Stuart Broad is two years younger and you will never catch him out like that," says our waitress. "I like that attack even without Freddie: Anderson, Broad, I'm told Sidebottom is fit, and Bresnan. They'll know too much for the Aussies."
"Never,"says the kid, coming back to the table. "You know nothing about this game, do you!"
WE WERE leaving the cafe - me with my radio in my ear - when the news came through that Flintoff was out of the World Twenty-20. "That's not news," said the old man. "Just someone with nothing better to do making an official announcement."
"It's a worry," said the lad. "Serious."
"He'll be all right," I said
"No, not Freddie," he grumbled. "I mean that bloody waitress might be right. Funny girl, you know. It was her told me that a young athlete like me ought to drink tea latte. It's foul. Like slops."
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Victory with a smile
Third one-day international
Preview
The bookies have caught up with the rest of us and now hardly a day passes when the Ashes price about England is not reduced. Cold and windy at Edgbaston; more England conditions than West Indian; and the home side ought to win again
To lunch
Chris Gayle did not put England in to take wickets but so that they could set his side a total. For once the home side put up a near perfect display. Matt Prior top scored and Owais Shah avoided being run out as they did pretty much as they pleased. Note that handful of runs from Paul Collingwood as he prevented the lower order frittering away the good start. I love the way all the batters wore a smile. England are beginning to enjoy their cricket.
To close
Sadly the West Indies had nothing to smile about. The confusion and lack of focus that has epitomised their tour was never better demonstrated than when Shivnarine Chanderpaul repeatedly hesitated about taking the batting power play. He crawled to 68 after allowing himself to be tied down by Tim Bresnan and the target of 329 was a distant dream long before he was out. There must be divisions within the side perhaps because they are unwilling to be here. It will be fascinating to see how these Stanford millionaires fare in the Twenty-20 stuff next month.
Preview
The bookies have caught up with the rest of us and now hardly a day passes when the Ashes price about England is not reduced. Cold and windy at Edgbaston; more England conditions than West Indian; and the home side ought to win again
To lunch
Chris Gayle did not put England in to take wickets but so that they could set his side a total. For once the home side put up a near perfect display. Matt Prior top scored and Owais Shah avoided being run out as they did pretty much as they pleased. Note that handful of runs from Paul Collingwood as he prevented the lower order frittering away the good start. I love the way all the batters wore a smile. England are beginning to enjoy their cricket.
To close
Sadly the West Indies had nothing to smile about. The confusion and lack of focus that has epitomised their tour was never better demonstrated than when Shivnarine Chanderpaul repeatedly hesitated about taking the batting power play. He crawled to 68 after allowing himself to be tied down by Tim Bresnan and the target of 329 was a distant dream long before he was out. There must be divisions within the side perhaps because they are unwilling to be here. It will be fascinating to see how these Stanford millionaires fare in the Twenty-20 stuff next month.
Monday, 25 May 2009
Aussie Colly
Collingwood the craftsman pro
Never known to knock, always ready to go
He swears winning's the thing
Total effort, no unnecessary bling.
Colly wobbles 'em out
Gives sixes a clout
Catches bullets; answers back
Not a candidate for the sack
Getting on a bit of course
He's still our major resource
Wearing a grin, he's tempted to sin
Just like an Aussie. They'd have him in!
Never known to knock, always ready to go
He swears winning's the thing
Total effort, no unnecessary bling.
Colly wobbles 'em out
Gives sixes a clout
Catches bullets; answers back
Not a candidate for the sack
Getting on a bit of course
He's still our major resource
Wearing a grin, he's tempted to sin
Just like an Aussie. They'd have him in!
Sunday, 24 May 2009
Colly wobbles Windies
Second one-day international
Preview
West Indies lost the one-day series in the Caribbean only because John Dyson, their coach, could not read the run chart. You may laugh; prepare to laugh again. You can count on the fingers of one foot the number of cricketers who have a knowledge of the laws, how scoring works or why it takes an umpire almost one second to give an lbw decision. They may be physically impressive but their knowledge of the rules and regulations is limited. Equally, do not be surprised if West Indies win. They relish one-day cricket; I am not sure England players have the same enthusiasm.
To lunch
If the West Indies don't show more serious effort they will leave labelled the worst tour side in years. Chris Gayle led with another six-hit-and-miss innings, the first two wickets fell for seven and after a rescue bid by Shivnarine Chanderpaul and Dwayne Bravo the middle order collapsed to the nip-around medium pace of Paul Collingwood. They were all out for 160 in 38.3 overs and England almost had almost won by lunch. Surely Chris Broad should be man of the match.
To close
Collingwood saw his opportunity to be man of the match when he went in after a dreary stand by Ravi Bopara and Owais Shah and finished the game with a run a ball innings that made the victory seem brightly polished. As for the West Indies their effort was minimal; noevidence for my suggestion they relished odis more than England. It was a poor match in front of a full house in brilliant sunshine.
Preview
West Indies lost the one-day series in the Caribbean only because John Dyson, their coach, could not read the run chart. You may laugh; prepare to laugh again. You can count on the fingers of one foot the number of cricketers who have a knowledge of the laws, how scoring works or why it takes an umpire almost one second to give an lbw decision. They may be physically impressive but their knowledge of the rules and regulations is limited. Equally, do not be surprised if West Indies win. They relish one-day cricket; I am not sure England players have the same enthusiasm.
To lunch
If the West Indies don't show more serious effort they will leave labelled the worst tour side in years. Chris Gayle led with another six-hit-and-miss innings, the first two wickets fell for seven and after a rescue bid by Shivnarine Chanderpaul and Dwayne Bravo the middle order collapsed to the nip-around medium pace of Paul Collingwood. They were all out for 160 in 38.3 overs and England almost had almost won by lunch. Surely Chris Broad should be man of the match.
To close
Collingwood saw his opportunity to be man of the match when he went in after a dreary stand by Ravi Bopara and Owais Shah and finished the game with a run a ball innings that made the victory seem brightly polished. As for the West Indies their effort was minimal; noevidence for my suggestion they relished odis more than England. It was a poor match in front of a full house in brilliant sunshine.
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Butt out!
Sport is cursed by older men blundering around the edges, talking when they should keep quiet and always imagining because they are rich and experienced in the buying and selling of heavy woollen goods or the movement of oil from Iran to the Far East that they have something to offer those who play.
Thus Giles Clarke, chairman of the ECB, an entrepreneur grown successful by his own hard work and initiative, spreading his wealth and bellowing his way to the top of the tree.
"I am sure," he says, "that Kevin Pietersen will score two double centuries in the Ashes series," and expects that - if KP achieves such an unlikely feat - these words of wisdom will stand as his claim to fame for more than a double century in years.
"No pressure there then," giggled my best friend. "No help either," I muttered.
Clarke cannot see, apparently, that Pietersen is still ruffled by having the captaincy whipped away from him, bearing the pain of an injured Achilles tendon and the trauma which naturally follows a run of - by KP standard - low scores.
My betting is that he wonders if he is as good as he thought, that he turns constantly to those close to him for reassurance and that the last push he needs is one for outrageous exaggeration from someone who condoned the orders that relieved him of a job he cherished.
Please understand me. I have a feeling that although I wish Michael Vaughan - another lost soul - were fit and likely to make two double hundreds in the Ashes, that in time Andrew Strauss will grow into the job and that if he has a fare wind and Pietersen makes a couple of single centuries he could even win back the Ashes.
England have a little momentum, a bright lad in Ravi Bopara, an intelligent young bowler in Stuart Broad and a newly adult pack leader in James Anderson. The signs are bright, especially as Australia will be without Andrew Symonds, a gifted all-rounder who the greatest gift for finding trouble since Paul Gascoigne first drew breath.
However it is a fragile strength and you can see monumental failure as easily as you can guess at success.
So Mr. Clarke, just butt out, keep your ill-judged remarks to yourself and have some respect for the tender feelings of sportsmen who may look tough, may perform athletic feats we normal types cannot contemplate, but who are often frail in the temperament, prone to moments of self-doubt and sometimes just want to be left to find their own salvation.
Thus Giles Clarke, chairman of the ECB, an entrepreneur grown successful by his own hard work and initiative, spreading his wealth and bellowing his way to the top of the tree.
"I am sure," he says, "that Kevin Pietersen will score two double centuries in the Ashes series," and expects that - if KP achieves such an unlikely feat - these words of wisdom will stand as his claim to fame for more than a double century in years.
"No pressure there then," giggled my best friend. "No help either," I muttered.
Clarke cannot see, apparently, that Pietersen is still ruffled by having the captaincy whipped away from him, bearing the pain of an injured Achilles tendon and the trauma which naturally follows a run of - by KP standard - low scores.
My betting is that he wonders if he is as good as he thought, that he turns constantly to those close to him for reassurance and that the last push he needs is one for outrageous exaggeration from someone who condoned the orders that relieved him of a job he cherished.
Please understand me. I have a feeling that although I wish Michael Vaughan - another lost soul - were fit and likely to make two double hundreds in the Ashes, that in time Andrew Strauss will grow into the job and that if he has a fare wind and Pietersen makes a couple of single centuries he could even win back the Ashes.
England have a little momentum, a bright lad in Ravi Bopara, an intelligent young bowler in Stuart Broad and a newly adult pack leader in James Anderson. The signs are bright, especially as Australia will be without Andrew Symonds, a gifted all-rounder who the greatest gift for finding trouble since Paul Gascoigne first drew breath.
However it is a fragile strength and you can see monumental failure as easily as you can guess at success.
So Mr. Clarke, just butt out, keep your ill-judged remarks to yourself and have some respect for the tender feelings of sportsmen who may look tough, may perform athletic feats we normal types cannot contemplate, but who are often frail in the temperament, prone to moments of self-doubt and sometimes just want to be left to find their own salvation.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Rain break
First one-day international.
Preview
It is pouring down. "The worst rain I have ever seen," says a lady who has witnessed storms in half a dozen tropical locations.
To the close
Inspections, five and a quarter hours of what television calls "fill" - interviews with the umpires, criticism from Ian Botham, the most tabloid of all the ex-cricketers, sympathetic tut-tutting from David Gower, on-field questions from Nick Knight and the very-much-to-the-point from Nasser Hussain who says: "The spectators just want to get on with their lives." Am I pleased I stayed home.
Abandoned at 3.15 but the watchers get (most of) their money back. They deserve a bonus for patience.
Preview
It is pouring down. "The worst rain I have ever seen," says a lady who has witnessed storms in half a dozen tropical locations.
To the close
Inspections, five and a quarter hours of what television calls "fill" - interviews with the umpires, criticism from Ian Botham, the most tabloid of all the ex-cricketers, sympathetic tut-tutting from David Gower, on-field questions from Nick Knight and the very-much-to-the-point from Nasser Hussain who says: "The spectators just want to get on with their lives." Am I pleased I stayed home.
Abandoned at 3.15 but the watchers get (most of) their money back. They deserve a bonus for patience.
Bad rubber
Chris Lewis has always rubbed people up the wrong way. I knew him first as a lad of 19 on his way to join the 1994 tour party to West Indies, all the way through his Test and one-day career and met him again - briefly - after he retired.
He was always at the centre of controversy whether he was bowling Mohammad Azharuddin up the hill at Lord's, taking six-for against West Indies, hitting two double hundreds in his first class career, or getting the ball to lift off a length on that dead pitch at Grace Road.
I wondered briefly if he might be England's first black captain but what I knew was that he was one of the greatest fielders I ever saw. Jonty Rhodes, Mark Waugh and the rest can take a step backwards; this superbly fit, 6ft 4in, lean, quick athlete several times in my sight snatched catches and run-out half chances he had no right to attempt.
Yet alongside these achievements I got used to the sound of someone denigrating his feats. I was standing next to another great fielder in a press box somewhere when Lewis leapt for a catch in the gully, got no more than a finger tip to it, scrambled after the ball and ran out the man heading for the bowler's end.
I promise you it was a magic moment. The old Test player grunted. "Yes, but he is a complete onion," he shouted. You may translate "onion."
One of his international captains laughed when he heard praise of Lewis the fielder. "Not in the same class as Rhodes," he muttered. That same leader contrived to blame Lewis for Brian Lara's 375 because he bowled the bouncer that brought the four that broke the record.
Was it because Lewis was a teetotal fitness fanatic who spoke his mind and followed his religion so closely? Was it the (untrue) story that he dropped out of a Test with a headache? Or can we find a common denominator among the failures of Lewis, Mark Ramprakash and Philip DeFreitas?
It is a sad fact that many people who know him will take satisfaction from his sentence of 13 years in jail for drug smuggling. It is difficult to sympathise. If his story is true he is a fool; if the story told by his accomplice is accurate Lewis is a crook.
Don't ask me. All I know is that I liked the lad for all his occasional stupidities and I hope he can find salvation by doing good works in jail.
That would be typical of him. Don't be surprised, though, if he manages to rub someone up the wrong way first.
He was always at the centre of controversy whether he was bowling Mohammad Azharuddin up the hill at Lord's, taking six-for against West Indies, hitting two double hundreds in his first class career, or getting the ball to lift off a length on that dead pitch at Grace Road.
I wondered briefly if he might be England's first black captain but what I knew was that he was one of the greatest fielders I ever saw. Jonty Rhodes, Mark Waugh and the rest can take a step backwards; this superbly fit, 6ft 4in, lean, quick athlete several times in my sight snatched catches and run-out half chances he had no right to attempt.
Yet alongside these achievements I got used to the sound of someone denigrating his feats. I was standing next to another great fielder in a press box somewhere when Lewis leapt for a catch in the gully, got no more than a finger tip to it, scrambled after the ball and ran out the man heading for the bowler's end.
I promise you it was a magic moment. The old Test player grunted. "Yes, but he is a complete onion," he shouted. You may translate "onion."
One of his international captains laughed when he heard praise of Lewis the fielder. "Not in the same class as Rhodes," he muttered. That same leader contrived to blame Lewis for Brian Lara's 375 because he bowled the bouncer that brought the four that broke the record.
Was it because Lewis was a teetotal fitness fanatic who spoke his mind and followed his religion so closely? Was it the (untrue) story that he dropped out of a Test with a headache? Or can we find a common denominator among the failures of Lewis, Mark Ramprakash and Philip DeFreitas?
It is a sad fact that many people who know him will take satisfaction from his sentence of 13 years in jail for drug smuggling. It is difficult to sympathise. If his story is true he is a fool; if the story told by his accomplice is accurate Lewis is a crook.
Don't ask me. All I know is that I liked the lad for all his occasional stupidities and I hope he can find salvation by doing good works in jail.
That would be typical of him. Don't be surprised, though, if he manages to rub someone up the wrong way first.
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Flippin' irony
We dreaded
Warnie's flipper
Didn't we, mate
Seven O Eight
Nathan Hauritz
Who's That?
Certainly not
How's Dat!
Swannie to the left
Monty for the rest
A formula for chaos
Our route to the dais
Warnie's flipper
Didn't we, mate
Seven O Eight
Nathan Hauritz
Who's That?
Certainly not
How's Dat!
Swannie to the left
Monty for the rest
A formula for chaos
Our route to the dais
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
It's up to Freddie
Fifty days to the serious business of the summer. Time for the cafe three to talk through the issues.
"Will Freddie be fit?" I ask.
"Unlikely," says the old pro. "He's hobbling. There's not time. Not after an operation."
"He's all right, is Freddie," says the new boy. "He bowls me with a rocket, a bloody Exorcet, last summer, but as I go off, he shouts 'Well played, kid.' And I'd only made 45."
"I saw that," says the waitress, putting down the teas . "I knew yorker was coming, there were unborn babies knew yorker was coming and you've played back before he's delivered the ball. When you was a kid, didn't your mum and dad tell you."
"Anyway," I butt in, "lets pick a team each. I'll keep them and we'll come here the day before the first Test and see which of the three is on the button."
"Four," said the waitress and reached for her order pad. "Here's mine. I've done it already."
"We'll all agree on most of it," says the old pro. "Strauss, Cook, Bopara, Pietersen, Collingwood and Vaughan as batters. It looks as if that Prior has not got a terminal finger injury, more's the pity, so he'll be in; Anderson, Broad, Swann, Onions and Panesar."
"You're right, except for Vaughan," I say. "He's gone. His injury is terminal; you won't see him in an England shirt again. They should have made him coach when they picked Flower. I will put Prior at No.6 and make room for Flintoff, Harmison, Simon Jones, perhaps even Adil Rashid - whoever's fit and firing."
The lad sips what he thinks is a tea latte. "If Freddie is firing, we win," he says. "He is nice to me at Old Trafford, buys me a pint that evening and says "well done" again and . . . "
"All you can do is play back to a yorker," says the waitress. "Freddie won't be fit. He might have played his last match like Vaughan. I'm going for that Yorkshire lad Bresnan. Strong, looks a bit like Botham and Anderson and Bresnan reminds me of Statham and Trueman."
Now it is time for us all to shout at her. "You just don't understand this game, do you?"
"Will Freddie be fit?" I ask.
"Unlikely," says the old pro. "He's hobbling. There's not time. Not after an operation."
"He's all right, is Freddie," says the new boy. "He bowls me with a rocket, a bloody Exorcet, last summer, but as I go off, he shouts 'Well played, kid.' And I'd only made 45."
"I saw that," says the waitress, putting down the teas . "I knew yorker was coming, there were unborn babies knew yorker was coming and you've played back before he's delivered the ball. When you was a kid, didn't your mum and dad tell you."
"Anyway," I butt in, "lets pick a team each. I'll keep them and we'll come here the day before the first Test and see which of the three is on the button."
"Four," said the waitress and reached for her order pad. "Here's mine. I've done it already."
"We'll all agree on most of it," says the old pro. "Strauss, Cook, Bopara, Pietersen, Collingwood and Vaughan as batters. It looks as if that Prior has not got a terminal finger injury, more's the pity, so he'll be in; Anderson, Broad, Swann, Onions and Panesar."
"You're right, except for Vaughan," I say. "He's gone. His injury is terminal; you won't see him in an England shirt again. They should have made him coach when they picked Flower. I will put Prior at No.6 and make room for Flintoff, Harmison, Simon Jones, perhaps even Adil Rashid - whoever's fit and firing."
The lad sips what he thinks is a tea latte. "If Freddie is firing, we win," he says. "He is nice to me at Old Trafford, buys me a pint that evening and says "well done" again and . . . "
"All you can do is play back to a yorker," says the waitress. "Freddie won't be fit. He might have played his last match like Vaughan. I'm going for that Yorkshire lad Bresnan. Strong, looks a bit like Botham and Anderson and Bresnan reminds me of Statham and Trueman."
Now it is time for us all to shout at her. "You just don't understand this game, do you?"
Monday, 18 May 2009
Roses run riot
Day 5 at the Riverside
Preview
Of course it is possible - if highly unlikely - that West Indies will hold out for a draw. England need an early breakthrough so that their fast bowlers can sort out the tail. But in the last few months India and South Africa have made huge fourth innings scores to win and perhaps, in between the showers, West Indies might put up an unprecedented fight.
To lunch
West Indies were in plenty of trouble before a brief shower freshened the pitch so that a Northern Alliance of Yorkshire's Tim Bresnan and Lancashire's James Anderson snatched five wickets. Despite Shivnarine Chanderpaul's defiance, England needed only two more wickets after lunch. Bresnan and Anderson - can they be the 21st century Fred Trueman and Brian Statham? Anderson had already proved himself and now we can glimpse the quality of Bresnan. He is a thinking cricketer; a proper Yorkshire bowler in other words.
To the end
Sixteen minutes after lunch Anderson was pushing Bresnan towards the pavilion gate to take the applause and half an hour afterwards Anderson was named man of the match. That gesture to Bresnan was generous from the nine-wicket man who now leads the attack and makes the likely absence of Andrew Flintoff for at least another month less important. England had won by an innings and 83 runs, taken the series 2-0 and risen to fifth in the world rankings. There are only 51 days to the Ashes - but so far so good.
Preview
Of course it is possible - if highly unlikely - that West Indies will hold out for a draw. England need an early breakthrough so that their fast bowlers can sort out the tail. But in the last few months India and South Africa have made huge fourth innings scores to win and perhaps, in between the showers, West Indies might put up an unprecedented fight.
To lunch
West Indies were in plenty of trouble before a brief shower freshened the pitch so that a Northern Alliance of Yorkshire's Tim Bresnan and Lancashire's James Anderson snatched five wickets. Despite Shivnarine Chanderpaul's defiance, England needed only two more wickets after lunch. Bresnan and Anderson - can they be the 21st century Fred Trueman and Brian Statham? Anderson had already proved himself and now we can glimpse the quality of Bresnan. He is a thinking cricketer; a proper Yorkshire bowler in other words.
To the end
Sixteen minutes after lunch Anderson was pushing Bresnan towards the pavilion gate to take the applause and half an hour afterwards Anderson was named man of the match. That gesture to Bresnan was generous from the nine-wicket man who now leads the attack and makes the likely absence of Andrew Flintoff for at least another month less important. England had won by an innings and 83 runs, taken the series 2-0 and risen to fifth in the world rankings. There are only 51 days to the Ashes - but so far so good.
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Captain in waiting
Day 4 at Riverside
Preview
There is a lot of talk about England using two spinners in the Ashes so it might be a day when Graeme Swann bowls many overs. At the moment, whoever bowls there is just one result in prospect to this wet match.
To lunch
This is the Age of Sarwan and this morning he showed why. He has not scored enough centuries - I remember Richie Richardson rueing the same fact late in his career - but they are flowing. Shivnarine Chanderpaul plays the Brian Lara role now and on his English home ground he could be expected to dig in but Stuart Broad got them both. Once again Broad looks as if he can achieve anything he wants to.
To tea
If Chris Gayle gives up the captaincy - and there is a twist to a Jamaican sense of humour that defies the intelligence of all other mortals - his successor may well be Dinesh Ramdin. That will explain why Ramdin, suffering from a painful hand injury, put in so much effort as he attempted to get West Indies past the follow-on total. The new ball will play a big part in the final session, with James Anderson looking for at least one more wicket and trying to settle a petty row with Fidel Edwards.
To close
Stuff you wish you had never said: Matt Prior to a BBC interviewer before the start - "I don't like talking about my wicket-keeping because it seems to mean I have a bad day behind the stumps afterwards." Four hours later Prior was off to hospital for an X-ray on his right hand. His absence is not likely to make any difference to the final day as West Indies, following on, have only seven wickets left. The uncertain weather might save their embarrassment but nothing will stop the judgement that they have had a poor series.
Preview
There is a lot of talk about England using two spinners in the Ashes so it might be a day when Graeme Swann bowls many overs. At the moment, whoever bowls there is just one result in prospect to this wet match.
To lunch
This is the Age of Sarwan and this morning he showed why. He has not scored enough centuries - I remember Richie Richardson rueing the same fact late in his career - but they are flowing. Shivnarine Chanderpaul plays the Brian Lara role now and on his English home ground he could be expected to dig in but Stuart Broad got them both. Once again Broad looks as if he can achieve anything he wants to.
To tea
If Chris Gayle gives up the captaincy - and there is a twist to a Jamaican sense of humour that defies the intelligence of all other mortals - his successor may well be Dinesh Ramdin. That will explain why Ramdin, suffering from a painful hand injury, put in so much effort as he attempted to get West Indies past the follow-on total. The new ball will play a big part in the final session, with James Anderson looking for at least one more wicket and trying to settle a petty row with Fidel Edwards.
To close
Stuff you wish you had never said: Matt Prior to a BBC interviewer before the start - "I don't like talking about my wicket-keeping because it seems to mean I have a bad day behind the stumps afterwards." Four hours later Prior was off to hospital for an X-ray on his right hand. His absence is not likely to make any difference to the final day as West Indies, following on, have only seven wickets left. The uncertain weather might save their embarrassment but nothing will stop the judgement that they have had a poor series.
Saturday, 16 May 2009
2-0 in sight
Day 3 at The Riverside
Preview
We have had a day to wonder: should the match have been scheduled here in mid-May when it is known to rain? Of course not. The solution is not in the hands of ECB. It needs a global answer from ICC. Are there any signs that the world rulers are considering the difficulties caused by an over-loaded fixture list? No. What else is new? Showers. It is mid-May after all.
To lunch
We started by asking why Fidel Edwards and James Anderson are at war and when Edwards inevitably knocked Anderson over thinking how much easier it is to bat when you are 6ft 5in like Kevin Pietersen. Alistair Cook still contrived to get out when a double century was waiting but it matters not. West Indies are playing to make up the numbers and it shows.
To tea
We could not have asked more of England in the two hours in which they scored 156 runs in 32 overs. Paul Collingwood, on his home ground, and Matthew Prior, set the pace when Pietersen was out quickly and Andrew Strauss was able to declare at tea. We could not have asked less of West Indies. Chris Gayle, keener to keep his hands warm than get his players into gear, set the tone; catches went down and it seemed that England had ample time to win the series 2-0.
To close
A beautiful spell of bowling from Anderson - who later says he is bewildered by the attack from Edwards - takes England three strides towards victory but they still have to conquer Shivnarine Chanderapaul and Ramnaresh Sarwan. Plenty of time to conquer a side without the heart for a fight.
Preview
We have had a day to wonder: should the match have been scheduled here in mid-May when it is known to rain? Of course not. The solution is not in the hands of ECB. It needs a global answer from ICC. Are there any signs that the world rulers are considering the difficulties caused by an over-loaded fixture list? No. What else is new? Showers. It is mid-May after all.
To lunch
We started by asking why Fidel Edwards and James Anderson are at war and when Edwards inevitably knocked Anderson over thinking how much easier it is to bat when you are 6ft 5in like Kevin Pietersen. Alistair Cook still contrived to get out when a double century was waiting but it matters not. West Indies are playing to make up the numbers and it shows.
To tea
We could not have asked more of England in the two hours in which they scored 156 runs in 32 overs. Paul Collingwood, on his home ground, and Matthew Prior, set the pace when Pietersen was out quickly and Andrew Strauss was able to declare at tea. We could not have asked less of West Indies. Chris Gayle, keener to keep his hands warm than get his players into gear, set the tone; catches went down and it seemed that England had ample time to win the series 2-0.
To close
A beautiful spell of bowling from Anderson - who later says he is bewildered by the attack from Edwards - takes England three strides towards victory but they still have to conquer Shivnarine Chanderapaul and Ramnaresh Sarwan. Plenty of time to conquer a side without the heart for a fight.
Friday, 15 May 2009
Keep cooking Alistair
Day 2 at tne Riverside
Preview
We will be looking for a lot more runs from Alistair Cook whose nine hundreds have never gone beyond 139. We are also looking for a few runs from KP; his ego needs a big score. Most of all we will be looking for blue skies but the forecasters say we will have rain, rain, rain.
To lunch
Rain.
To close
Wash-out
Preview
We will be looking for a lot more runs from Alistair Cook whose nine hundreds have never gone beyond 139. We are also looking for a few runs from KP; his ego needs a big score. Most of all we will be looking for blue skies but the forecasters say we will have rain, rain, rain.
To lunch
Rain.
To close
Wash-out
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Booked-in Bopara
Riverside May 14 Second Test England v West Indies
Preview
Only 55 days to the Ashes and still Andrew Strauss does not want to discuss the biggest series in English cricket. That's fine but unless the West Indies are convincingly defeated England will go into the Ashes as under-dogs; a sad state of affairs. Chris Gayle is being talked about as if he had advocated blowing up Parliament instead of suggesting 20-20 was the future. He has seriously offended the traditionalists but he is not concerned and he may even be right.
To lunch
Weird, quiet as the grave so that you can hear every word the fielders say and almost hear the whisper as Strauss is caught off his glove. Weird, too, as 30 overs are bowled in the first session. Have these West Indies cricketers shrugged off their traditional languid ways? No, but if a cool guy can be said to relish revenge, Gayle got his own back for all those nasty Strauss remarks earlier in the week.
To tea
As the game rumbles on Alistair Cook looks dreadful, less and less like a Test batsman, more like a youngster learning his way. Ravi Bopara, in contrast, looks as if he must become a permanent part of the top order, able to brush aside challenges from Michael Vaughan and Owais Shah. It is worth wondering why various Australians say they are sure Vaughan will play in the Ashes. I relish the idea but he hardly has the runs to justify his place. Shane Warne may have retired but their spin goes on and on.
To close
Bopara booked a place in the Ashes with his third successive Test century and joined Herbert Sutcliffe, Tom Graveney, Geoff Boycott and Graham Gooch, the only other England player with three in a row. I am becoming a convert. Bopara is not just technically correct but he has what Alec Stewart calls "controlled arrogance." He has ensured England win this Test if the forecast rain gives them time. I trust Cook's ninth Test century gives him the confidence to play better next time.
Preview
Only 55 days to the Ashes and still Andrew Strauss does not want to discuss the biggest series in English cricket. That's fine but unless the West Indies are convincingly defeated England will go into the Ashes as under-dogs; a sad state of affairs. Chris Gayle is being talked about as if he had advocated blowing up Parliament instead of suggesting 20-20 was the future. He has seriously offended the traditionalists but he is not concerned and he may even be right.
To lunch
Weird, quiet as the grave so that you can hear every word the fielders say and almost hear the whisper as Strauss is caught off his glove. Weird, too, as 30 overs are bowled in the first session. Have these West Indies cricketers shrugged off their traditional languid ways? No, but if a cool guy can be said to relish revenge, Gayle got his own back for all those nasty Strauss remarks earlier in the week.
To tea
As the game rumbles on Alistair Cook looks dreadful, less and less like a Test batsman, more like a youngster learning his way. Ravi Bopara, in contrast, looks as if he must become a permanent part of the top order, able to brush aside challenges from Michael Vaughan and Owais Shah. It is worth wondering why various Australians say they are sure Vaughan will play in the Ashes. I relish the idea but he hardly has the runs to justify his place. Shane Warne may have retired but their spin goes on and on.
To close
Bopara booked a place in the Ashes with his third successive Test century and joined Herbert Sutcliffe, Tom Graveney, Geoff Boycott and Graham Gooch, the only other England player with three in a row. I am becoming a convert. Bopara is not just technically correct but he has what Alec Stewart calls "controlled arrogance." He has ensured England win this Test if the forecast rain gives them time. I trust Cook's ninth Test century gives him the confidence to play better next time.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Plus ca change
So Chris Gayle doesn't want to be West Indies captain much longer and absolutely everyone in the game is mad as hell. Well!
First of all, despite the ranting since he revealed his tortured soul, this unwillingness to lead is far from new. Around 100 years ago the Hon. F S Jackson, a Yorkshireman with a few bob in his pocket, went off to the grouse moors when he felt like it.
Douglas Jardine, an amateur with very few shillings in his pockets, went fishing in Australia rather than lead England in a state game; Walter Hammond, a professional turned amateur so he could be England captain, travelled round Oz in a large car rather than spend too much time with his team in 1946-7.
Plus ca change, I hear you say. No doubt Gayle thinks he can earn more dollars by playing IPL every year and, as he is now 30, that 20/20 will see him to the end of his career.
Besides all that, most of us know that the world of 2009 is vastly different from the globe as made up in, for instance, 1945 when the thoughts that dominate cricket and how its players should behave, were formulated.
Cricket people see that there is a set way to the top and that, once the selectors have acknowledged your right to a place in the Test side, you should play according to the principles of loyalty and sportsmanship until they - without warning - tip you back into the other side of the fence.
No doubt Gayle has taken note of what happened to Kevin Pietersen and determined it will not be his fate. It is a sign of the 21st century kicking in and my guess is that we will witness more evidence shortly.
It is Gayle's right to run his own life just as it was Jackson's, Jardine's and Hammond's; although the old folk who run cricket will never see that.
Plus ca change indeed.
First of all, despite the ranting since he revealed his tortured soul, this unwillingness to lead is far from new. Around 100 years ago the Hon. F S Jackson, a Yorkshireman with a few bob in his pocket, went off to the grouse moors when he felt like it.
Douglas Jardine, an amateur with very few shillings in his pockets, went fishing in Australia rather than lead England in a state game; Walter Hammond, a professional turned amateur so he could be England captain, travelled round Oz in a large car rather than spend too much time with his team in 1946-7.
Plus ca change, I hear you say. No doubt Gayle thinks he can earn more dollars by playing IPL every year and, as he is now 30, that 20/20 will see him to the end of his career.
Besides all that, most of us know that the world of 2009 is vastly different from the globe as made up in, for instance, 1945 when the thoughts that dominate cricket and how its players should behave, were formulated.
Cricket people see that there is a set way to the top and that, once the selectors have acknowledged your right to a place in the Test side, you should play according to the principles of loyalty and sportsmanship until they - without warning - tip you back into the other side of the fence.
No doubt Gayle has taken note of what happened to Kevin Pietersen and determined it will not be his fate. It is a sign of the 21st century kicking in and my guess is that we will witness more evidence shortly.
It is Gayle's right to run his own life just as it was Jackson's, Jardine's and Hammond's; although the old folk who run cricket will never see that.
Plus ca change indeed.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Sunday, 10 May 2009
A lack of spin
Is it the end of Monty's reign
Down the drain?
Come the Ashes
He'll be back, eyes gleaming;
Desperately screaming
Oh, if only he had
Swann's gift of the gab
Down the drain?
Come the Ashes
He'll be back, eyes gleaming;
Desperately screaming
Oh, if only he had
Swann's gift of the gab
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Too much
There has never been clearer evidence of too much international cricket than the first Test.
Chris Gayle, the West Indies captain, turned up with only 48 hours to spare, and both as a batsman and as captain, gives an exhibition of lackadaisical boredom. The rest - with the honourable exception of Brendon Nash and Fidel Edwards - followed the Gayle lead.
West Indies have a ready-made excuse. They were the substitutes for the stand-ins; Zimbabwe and Sri Lanka both dropped out. ECB could not afford to lose all that TV cash. Windies decided to take their offer of an enhanced payment and go home as soon as possible. Never mind the result; besides didn't we beat England already this year.
England will probably win the series 2-0 but as for providing the impetus Andrew Strauss has demanded: forget it. There has been incessant, senseless player chatter about "only being able to play against the side that turns up."
The trouble no-one is sure West Indies did turn up. Remember - just one more Test before the Aussies arrive.
Chris Gayle, the West Indies captain, turned up with only 48 hours to spare, and both as a batsman and as captain, gives an exhibition of lackadaisical boredom. The rest - with the honourable exception of Brendon Nash and Fidel Edwards - followed the Gayle lead.
West Indies have a ready-made excuse. They were the substitutes for the stand-ins; Zimbabwe and Sri Lanka both dropped out. ECB could not afford to lose all that TV cash. Windies decided to take their offer of an enhanced payment and go home as soon as possible. Never mind the result; besides didn't we beat England already this year.
England will probably win the series 2-0 but as for providing the impetus Andrew Strauss has demanded: forget it. There has been incessant, senseless player chatter about "only being able to play against the side that turns up."
The trouble no-one is sure West Indies did turn up. Remember - just one more Test before the Aussies arrive.
Friday, 8 May 2009
Demo job
Day 3 at Lord's
Preview
Rain gives us time to consider the first two days again. The match has gone so far England's way that only a gigantic West Indies revival can bring any joy. First, let us not be carried away by the Ravi Bopara innings or the Graham Onions wickets. If Bopara can hit a chanceless century and Onions bowl men out on a flat pitch we will applaud but I remember how successfully Ed Giddins and Nick Cook began and how little time they lasted.
To lunch
Only an hour's play but when three wickets fall in three overs just before the interval - meaning half the West Indies side are out - it's all over. Isn't it?
To tea
No, not quiet. Denish Ramdin and Brendan Nash put up a fight - until Stuart Broad bowled Ramdin - and none of us could be sure that the game would finish in three days. Of course we should have known. Remember that heroic fight by the Sri Lankans when they held out also at Lord's.
To an England win by ten wickets
Did it occur to the England fielders, as they watched Nash make 81 before he was last man out, that when the Ashes begin, they will face 11 cricketers with the good sense, bravery and innate knowledge of this little Aussie battler. No doubt some prattling fool in the dressing room kept repeating "a win is a win" but they will never have an easier one than this demolition job.
Preview
Rain gives us time to consider the first two days again. The match has gone so far England's way that only a gigantic West Indies revival can bring any joy. First, let us not be carried away by the Ravi Bopara innings or the Graham Onions wickets. If Bopara can hit a chanceless century and Onions bowl men out on a flat pitch we will applaud but I remember how successfully Ed Giddins and Nick Cook began and how little time they lasted.
To lunch
Only an hour's play but when three wickets fall in three overs just before the interval - meaning half the West Indies side are out - it's all over. Isn't it?
To tea
No, not quiet. Denish Ramdin and Brendan Nash put up a fight - until Stuart Broad bowled Ramdin - and none of us could be sure that the game would finish in three days. Of course we should have known. Remember that heroic fight by the Sri Lankans when they held out also at Lord's.
To an England win by ten wickets
Did it occur to the England fielders, as they watched Nash make 81 before he was last man out, that when the Ashes begin, they will face 11 cricketers with the good sense, bravery and innate knowledge of this little Aussie battler. No doubt some prattling fool in the dressing room kept repeating "a win is a win" but they will never have an easier one than this demolition job.
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Swann-upmanship
Day 2 at Lord's:
Preview
England ambition: to reach 400, to take advantage of the moments of madness in this mostly placid pitch and win a first innings lead. Breakthrough may be down to the Old Firm of James Anderson, 27, and Stuart Broad, 22. West Indies will rely on their old guys Chris Gayle and Shivnarine Chanderpaul.
Preview
England ambition: to reach 400, to take advantage of the moments of madness in this mostly placid pitch and win a first innings lead. Breakthrough may be down to the Old Firm of James Anderson, 27, and Stuart Broad, 22. West Indies will rely on their old guys Chris Gayle and Shivnarine Chanderpaul.
To lunch
Everyone on my side of cricket loves Graeme Swann. He is amusing, talkative, media friendly; and as he showed today he can bat as well as bowl a nifty off break. So what's to dislike. Yet for years the selectors ignored him. By choosing him ahead of Monty Panesar, clearly the better bowler, Flower-Strauss have shown the pattern for future Test teams. So far it's England's Test - as you might expect at Lord's in the late spring.
To tea
Now we all like Swann. He is given the new ball. Perhaps I don't understand this game as well as I ought to after a quarter of a century but it was a move from left field if, well, completely bonkers. Still I guess we all know by now that Strauss is not a Test captain. (By the way, I will deny all this if his England win back the Ashes.) Then along comes Swann two overs before tea and takes two wickets, including Chanderpaul first ball; and England are heading for victory or at least a boost for their morale.
To the close
Swann and Onions - it sounds like a Medieval feast - but it was clearly too much for the West Indies, made to follow-on during the second day. Of course as soon as an England bowler has a success - and five wickets on debut is nothing else - there is an attempt to compare him with the best in the world. Onions is already the new Glenn McGrath but lets give the lad a chance to find wickets on a flat pitch first. Phil Tufnell keeps calling him "a little bit special" and for once that is a precise judgement rather than a cliche.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Drops of misery
Lord's May 6 First Test England v West Indies day 1
Preview
Since the Lord's Test against Australia in 2005 England have gone 14 first Tests without a win. "We must win this one," says Andrew Strauss. He reminds me of those football managers I used to meet 30 years ago. "Yes, I know we have won only two games out of 30 but if we can win most of our last few games, we can still escape relegation!" The chances are Strauss's 'prentice quicks will not have the nous to force a victory.
To lunch
Chris Gayle sent England in - a mistake on a pitch with green tinges but without venom - Strauss got out early - another mistake - but, at 88-1, England could be happy with their first two hours. Alistair Cook is a seasoned Test cricketer but when Ravi Bopara arrived he was greeted with a superb outswinger from Jerome Taylor which rocketed past his outside edge. He survived and by the interval he looked at home. His promotion is an experiment: so far so good.
To tea
For half an hour it looked as if the only mistake about the pitch was made by me. Fidel Edwards got Cook to play on, had Kevin Pietersen caught first ball and Paul Collingwood taken low at slip. Perhaps the casual Gayle knows what he is talking about, I thought. But Bopara held firm and Matt Prior helped him take the score to 182 for four. It's Bopara's day if only because at this point he has not made a serious mistake.
To the close
By the end the West Indies had made a concerted effort to be the worst fielding side in living memory. They dropped at least six catches that would have dismissed England for around 250. Their ground fielding was untidy, they could not hit the stumps when run-out chances came along and once again Gayle was more a gentle breeze than a cyclone. So forget all the promise of Bopara's century and simply remember that he never lost his cool even after being dropped twice. The Aussies could be heard rubbing their hands with glee. They would never have let all those catches go. There is still a lot of work ahead for England with 63 days to go.
Preview
Since the Lord's Test against Australia in 2005 England have gone 14 first Tests without a win. "We must win this one," says Andrew Strauss. He reminds me of those football managers I used to meet 30 years ago. "Yes, I know we have won only two games out of 30 but if we can win most of our last few games, we can still escape relegation!" The chances are Strauss's 'prentice quicks will not have the nous to force a victory.
To lunch
Chris Gayle sent England in - a mistake on a pitch with green tinges but without venom - Strauss got out early - another mistake - but, at 88-1, England could be happy with their first two hours. Alistair Cook is a seasoned Test cricketer but when Ravi Bopara arrived he was greeted with a superb outswinger from Jerome Taylor which rocketed past his outside edge. He survived and by the interval he looked at home. His promotion is an experiment: so far so good.
To tea
For half an hour it looked as if the only mistake about the pitch was made by me. Fidel Edwards got Cook to play on, had Kevin Pietersen caught first ball and Paul Collingwood taken low at slip. Perhaps the casual Gayle knows what he is talking about, I thought. But Bopara held firm and Matt Prior helped him take the score to 182 for four. It's Bopara's day if only because at this point he has not made a serious mistake.
To the close
By the end the West Indies had made a concerted effort to be the worst fielding side in living memory. They dropped at least six catches that would have dismissed England for around 250. Their ground fielding was untidy, they could not hit the stumps when run-out chances came along and once again Gayle was more a gentle breeze than a cyclone. So forget all the promise of Bopara's century and simply remember that he never lost his cool even after being dropped twice. The Aussies could be heard rubbing their hands with glee. They would never have let all those catches go. There is still a lot of work ahead for England with 63 days to go.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Right on, Boycs
Geoff Boycott says England are not ready to win back the Ashes. Boycott is the wisest man in cricket - however harshly his views may be expressed - so we should all take note of what he says and trust - pray even - that for once he is wrong.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Time, ladies, please
Neither are you likely to see a woman umpiring the final of the world Twenty-20 championship. Yet the final of the snooker world event is being refereed by a woman - and why not. There are still several ways in which cricket needs to catch up with 21st century sport and the sooner it starts the better. But I can imagine the looks of horror, the excuses and the attitude all round if you were to suggest a woman calls "Play" at Lord's on June 21.
Saturday, 2 May 2009
Thanks but no thanks!
We have 66 days to go. It is customary to be snooty about snooker. Years ago a sports editor asked me what I saw in the game. "It is not very aerobic, is it?" he sneered.
Of course not. All shapes and sizes of men play as they used to play cricket. Snooker matches, like Tests, develop slowly, the great moments need time, you cannot presume to take your eyes from the table or the pitch; but you must be a committed fan to understand why.
Sex, cricket and snooker; the more time you devote to each moment the better. So I am told.
There is one part of snooker that we will not see in the Ashes. I watched the world championship semi final today and at one point the referee decided the ball must be replaced after a miss. The player retaking his shot told him he was putting the white in the wrong spot. "Yes," you could hear the referee say, "you know you are absolutely right. It was an inch to the left. THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
If during the five Ashes Tests you hear that an umpire has thanked a player for his co-operation, you may be excused for fainting. Leave the smelling salts at home: you will not need them.
Cricketers pay lip service to following the umpire's instructions but as for helping an umpire make his decisions and being thanked for it - in heaven maybe, certainly not when Australia and England are at one another's throats!
Of course not. All shapes and sizes of men play as they used to play cricket. Snooker matches, like Tests, develop slowly, the great moments need time, you cannot presume to take your eyes from the table or the pitch; but you must be a committed fan to understand why.
Sex, cricket and snooker; the more time you devote to each moment the better. So I am told.
There is one part of snooker that we will not see in the Ashes. I watched the world championship semi final today and at one point the referee decided the ball must be replaced after a miss. The player retaking his shot told him he was putting the white in the wrong spot. "Yes," you could hear the referee say, "you know you are absolutely right. It was an inch to the left. THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
If during the five Ashes Tests you hear that an umpire has thanked a player for his co-operation, you may be excused for fainting. Leave the smelling salts at home: you will not need them.
Cricketers pay lip service to following the umpire's instructions but as for helping an umpire make his decisions and being thanked for it - in heaven maybe, certainly not when Australia and England are at one another's throats!
Friday, 1 May 2009
Why?
I wish to know why only two of the regulars from the 2005 Ashes side - Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen - are in the team for the first Test against West Indies next week.
It cannot be a coincidence that much the same misfortune overcame England in the 1989 Ashes series when none of Mike Gatting's Marvels from 1986-7 remained. Gatting won every crown available in Australia that year; and, forgive me if I have the facts wrong, but didn't England win back the Ashes in 2005?
I believe it tells you a lot about the mentality of the English selector who believes he must select; in other words juggle with the team to take notice of form, change of pitch and the previous results.
Remember Peter May. He made seven changes to the England side after Malcolm Marshall ran amok in Manchester in 1988 and said: "I couldn't change the whole team, could I?" Or Tom Graveney, who made hundreds in successive Tests, seven years apart! He was one of our greatest batsmen with 122 hundreds in his career but he could not command a regular England place.
Tell me it is part of the old social pattern - amateurs commanding professionals and wanting to keep them in their place - and you may find a sympathetic ear. That thinking still exists in the game and sometimes rears its ugly head in the rest of life.
I suspect that the men in the corridors of power are happier with an amateur type like Strauss - ex-public school, ex-university, nice accent, good manners - in charge than Gatting, Graham Gooch or Michael Vaughan, who scrambled to the top despite their lack of top class education.
If it is true it is a shame but, hey, when was a chairman of selectors last held to account for the team failures?
It cannot be a coincidence that much the same misfortune overcame England in the 1989 Ashes series when none of Mike Gatting's Marvels from 1986-7 remained. Gatting won every crown available in Australia that year; and, forgive me if I have the facts wrong, but didn't England win back the Ashes in 2005?
I believe it tells you a lot about the mentality of the English selector who believes he must select; in other words juggle with the team to take notice of form, change of pitch and the previous results.
Remember Peter May. He made seven changes to the England side after Malcolm Marshall ran amok in Manchester in 1988 and said: "I couldn't change the whole team, could I?" Or Tom Graveney, who made hundreds in successive Tests, seven years apart! He was one of our greatest batsmen with 122 hundreds in his career but he could not command a regular England place.
Tell me it is part of the old social pattern - amateurs commanding professionals and wanting to keep them in their place - and you may find a sympathetic ear. That thinking still exists in the game and sometimes rears its ugly head in the rest of life.
I suspect that the men in the corridors of power are happier with an amateur type like Strauss - ex-public school, ex-university, nice accent, good manners - in charge than Gatting, Graham Gooch or Michael Vaughan, who scrambled to the top despite their lack of top class education.
If it is true it is a shame but, hey, when was a chairman of selectors last held to account for the team failures?
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