Unsteady Freddie

Greg here,

All right, guys, so you have had your bit of fun with me and the switch hitter in Brighton and you have gone tut-tut every time Andrew Symonds has been mentioned by name.

So what about Andrew Flintoff, great bowler, once a fantastic hitter, wonderful fielder and - how can I put this without causing the Royal family to throw a six - a lover of fine wines. Just like the dear old Queen no doubt.

He is, to our certain knowledge, Brahms and Cysts at a fielding practice in Oz, he is under the weather on a pirate pedalo in the Caribbean and now he misses a stand-to-attention-and-pray for-the-lost-soldiers trip to a World War I battlefield. I almost tut-tutted myself.

However, the England captain, says it is not an issue and that it has been dealt with "and now we move forward."

True it is not an issue if Andrew Strauss says it is not but apparently it is an issue that Samit Patel is overweight, that Michael Vaughan is too old and out of form and that Monty Panesar cannot buy a wicket.

So the only issue is whether Flintoff can bat, bowl and field and drink. Strauss says he will drop him if he goes for it too heavily during the Ashes. After a hat trick or a century? Even if England have won the last three Tests? Even if he is last man standing?

Better get it sorted soon, my cobbers, or you are going to have a big issue long before the little urn is raised aloft.

All the best sports,

Greg Orry

PS Who got the idea of the visit to a battlefield? Don't I remember the Aussies did something similar a little while back? What do they say about imitation and flattery?