A Millers's tale

Of course, David Graveney and Geoff MIller should no more have been chairman of selectors than chosen to star in a Hollywood blockbuster, sing the lead in Madame Butterfly or walk barefoot over the Sahara.

They won't mind me saying they were not among the ten greatest cricketers to play the game in the last 150 years; they know that. Not in the same bracket as Peter May and Ted Dexter, Ray Illingworth or Alec Bedser, their predecessors. They were last pick from any tour party, and yet, to be fair to them, they have done a fairly decent job.

All they have done in truth is to show up the biggest problem in English cricket.

The men who ought to be England coach, or national selector Miller's new title, and chairman of whatever committee runs the Test side are all happily camped nigh above the ground, discussing the mistakes made by the England and Wales Cricket Board, at large and the players and their management in particular.

In other words the former stars now commentating. No wonder they smile all the time.

Think how much more confidence you might have in winning back the Ashes next week-end if Bob Willis, 60 but as sharp-eyed as ever, were chairman of ECB. Or David Gower head of the selection panel. Or Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton in charge of coaching.

Don't imagine for the length of a Ravi Bopara innings they will send their resignation to Sky and dash to ECB HQ to volunteer for England duty.

They know which side of their bread is covered in Marmite; and who is to blame them for accepting the Rupert Murdoch shilling rather than suffering the pain that goes with being Geoff Miller or Andy Flower.

If England win at the Oval those two jobs will be worth having. If not there will be no use ducking; you will get a heap of sewage on your head long before you shout "garde lou."

It cannot be long before some nasty tabloid - I know, mates, I worked for them - makes Miller and Silly into a defeatist headline and as for Flower, if he is not a dandelon sometime soon I have missed my vocation.

Besides it is a lot easier to sit in a warm commentary box, going "I would never have bowled him at this stage" while earning £100k a year, rather than having to pick a team, try to explain it when things go wrong, receive the cat calls of Joe and Jo Public and try to find somewhere quiet to cry. All for half the Sky rewards.

I know one commentator who would love to be chairman of selectors but a few minutes quiet reflection soon cures him of that idea. He used to ring me and say he could do a better job.

All true but for a moment, you big daft sod, stick with the life you have cut out for yourself. It's safer, more secure and it does not involve being made into a public fool on a regular basis.