Send for Harmy

The cafe. Just me and the old guy, being wise, the way the old 'uns do.

I say: "Their luck's changed. They will be dangerous now. We've got no Freddie - almost sure, no KP, they are determined to keep on with young Broad rather than sending for Harmy who has blisters all over his feet, probably from the bile that comes when you are kept waiting around. Bloody selectors!"

TOG: "Yes, and we have a poor captain. Always 20 minutes behind play, short of ideas, not inspiring, sets bad fields. It will catch up with England, especially if he fails to make his share of runs. Funny, you know, when I lived in the north I used to think all the talk about southern players hating Headingley and never giving their best there, was just northern bias. But I moved south and now, listening to my neighbours, I'm not sure.

I go: "The Aussies are not as good a side as England, and Strauss is right about not having an aura, but England are still apprehensive. They would destroy an Indian or a Pakistan side of the same strength, particularly playing at home, but the Aussies create fear. I am not happy about the rest of the series. If we lost at Headingley, look out."

"I know," TOG says. "We have lived on the energy which came from drawing by the skin of our teeth in Cardiff. Now we may pay the price. It is no use keeping the same side just because we are not losing. England have to move forward. In other words we need Harmison instead of Broad, even though he is the most promising kid in years."

"Nice lad, too," says a voice from behind us. It's the young lad, full of vim and vigour, without a brain in his head, but he does keep us up to date with the gossip.

"Broady says to me at Trent Bridge 'well played, young 'un' and I say ' show a bit of respect, I'm only 18 months younger than you' and he says 'no, you're 30 years younger than me, I've got all me dad's wisdom behind me.' He then makes me laugh. He goes: 'Good lad, me dad. Takes after me in many ways.'"

"Old northern saying," says the veteran.

"I know," I say. "School captain says that to me all those years ago."

"Who's for the tea latte?" says another voice. It's a young girl, a stand-in for our waitress, last seen at Heathrow looking determined.

"Hello," says the youngster. "That's me. And what is your name, my pretty maid."

I think we all know what happens next in this social setting, never mind the results of the next two Tests.

The old guy gave me a lift home and its radio said England had drafted Ryan Sidebottom to bowl on his home pitch, offer variety and fitness and just a touch of batting and fielding. "Proper cricketer," said TOG, "but who will they leave out. Onions? It's a worry because these guys know nothing about cricket."