A bet,anyone?

Hello Limeyland,

Greg here again.

Just wondered if anyone wanted to place a bet on England for the Ashes. I have a couple of bucks burning holes in my money belt and I thought - I hate to mention this but it was really funny - that after the magnificent way your lads fought against Holland and then - very unluckily - lost to South Africa there might be a few mug - oops, sorry I meant deeply intelligent cricket lovers - who fancied staking a fortune on their heroes.

I know you are a bit paranoid about our sneaky habits - like sending Phillip Hughes here to test the strength of your bowling - but as my friend Ted pointed out the other day it was a chance for you to get wise to him.

You've also recruited John Buchanan to learn the inner secrets of the Aussie success. Well, I hope he hangs on until he gets his big fat cheque before he says "Mate, we just have better players than you guys". Even Buchanan - never one of our favourites - knows that is the truth.

You will have seen how we timed our exit from the World T20 so that we can practice. In Leicester? Any relation to the jockey? I hear it is real quiet, just the place for meditation, tactics talks and getting fit. I hear also that one or two of the Sheilas there are, how shall I put it without offending Premier Brown and the Archbish of Canterbury, cooperative, which is what every red-blooded Aussie needs in the build-up to a big series.

So nobody's interested in a little bet? Pity. You would not want a bludger like me to have to rob a bank just to keep going, would you? Sorry, I forgot. Your banks are empty. Credit crunch, gambled all their cash on Manchester United winning that Euro Cup. Sorry to mention that but it does show what a sad sporting state you guys are in.

Still keep making the most of that Italian guy showing you how to beat the Andaman Islands, Papua New Guinea and Waziristan so you can compete in the World Soccer Cup bun fight next year.

You'll be able to keep that World Cup in the same bank as the Ashes urn and Andy Murray's tennis trophies. Plenty of room in their vaults for the Rugby World Cup, another stack of lucky Olympic medals and whatever you get for winning the Boat Race.

No-one from overseas can take that away from you, can they?

Keep rowing, Poms

Greg Orry