Flintoff or on?

The cafe. The sun is shining so we sit outside. The old young one bangs a spoon on the table to let the waitress know we are, well, waiting and I say: "It's all about Freddie, isn't it?"

"A coffee, a tea and a tea latte," says the waitress. "And there's no need to be banging on the table. This a cafe not bell ringing practice." The kid says: "Hey you, my mates say there is no such drink as a tea latte and you're stringing me along."

"Would I?" says the waitress. "I can get you something else but nothing will do you more good than that tea latte. And 'hey you' is no way to address a lady."

I think she is going to choke, suppressing a giggle like that. The lad doesn't notice. "No," he says, "it's doing me good so I will continue. Made hundred, collected a nice catch, captain says 'stick to your tea latte, son, and you will go far' and all the guys applaud. Because we had won like and I were man of t'match."

The waitress gives him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad," she says.

"Freddie?" says the old guy. "Looked him up this morning first thing. Batting nearly 32 from 3,600 runs, ten years in the Test side in the middle of July and, to be honest, we don't know. He does daft things, like, and not just in one of those paddle boats. Remember him tossing away that century at the Oval? Daft!"

"He's only got five hundreds in those ten years," I say and the lad goes: "I know. The guys were saying yesterday. They say all he ever wants is to hit the ball into the pavilion. Bill Sawbridge, plays snooker, says 'you can't make a century with one shot' and the captain, standing behind him says "Correct! But Freddie, he's an icon."

"Correct!" I say and the waitress says. "It 13 days before they announce their 12. Freddie - in or out?"

"In, of course," we shout.

"It's all she knows, is tea lattes," says the kid as we leave. "Mouthy bird," he says. "Knows nothing about cricket."