Strewth! Disaster

Greg here again

I'm in Hove where my bonny Aussie lads are taking on Sussex. Special reporter, briefed by Ted, a sticker in my hat saying Knight of the Realm, hoping for the best and I'm right as little apples.

Sussex by the sea? Mate, it's more to the point that Hove is by Brighton: sin city, flea markets, more gays here than in Paddo - that's Sydney - and some very tasty ladies, cafes and weather. Heaven-on-Sea whatever your taste and I've had a ball.

The hot news is that Shane Watson misses out because he has found a new injury and they are thinking of sending for a replacement. Can't this guy read?

Every Pommie paper says "Big chance for Watson to be the real deal at No.6, bowl a bit, show what he's worth" and he gets himself injured. You cannot help some people; and just 14 days before the Ashes too.

Hot news? I don't know why we are even surprised. As I warned you a week or two ago, he has injured himself before. Go home, Watto, you're a loser!

By lunch the Aussies are still striving to get into the match. Hughes and Katich open up - hardly Lawry and Simpson or Langer and Hayden is it? - and some guy called Sandri knocks Hughes over quick.

I'm just beginning to worry that there's a misprint on my scorecard and it might be a Sandra when I remember that Hughes being here for Middlesex means every second class grade bowler knows how to get him out.

Then up steams Luke Wright - last seen being belted all round the park in the T20 stuff - and catches Ponting when he is cold and now it is 2-48 and left to Katich and Mike Hussey to get us to the half decent score of 2-90 before the hot pies come out.

Nice old pavilion, all the club servants are calling me "Sir" thanks to the label in my hat before a fat old codger comes along and says: "Excuse me, sir, but I don't wish to make a fuss but we do like a tie in the pavilion". Old world charm. I love it. If the Aussies lose the Ashes and make a return to Oz a bit of a difficult trip I could stay on for a while.

At tea there is even symbolism to add insult to injury. The Aussies are 187-5, and as even the heathen know, that is our devil number. Still no-one has fifty and if that Brad Haddin had not been defiant as usual we would be in trouble. He and Michael Clark put on 73 but there is nothing else to say except that this is a bloody awful day to be an Aussie.

Worst of all that Sandri - or Sandra - has three wickets and you can see him texting that Andy Flower tonight and giving it, "Mate, they are a pushover. You can even win with me in the side!" He's 26, a South African with an Italian passport and he is a big strong boy.

By the close things are looking better. Like Brett Lee and Brad Haddin add 117 - and still going - and the Aussies are seven down for 349. There is a fair bunch of locals in the pub by the big gates and they say: "Well, we did win the championship a couple of years ago so we were bound to put up a good show."

They did too, so well done Sussex. Me, I'm off to the sea front to see if I can do a bit more damage, maybe with somebody called Sandra.