Now who's bitter?

Hello you double dealing Poms,

Greg here again,

So you won the first battle of the World Twenty-20. You manage to persuade poor Andrew Symonds to take a sip of one of your own amber liquids - he probably writes it off as rat's piss - and before he can shout "all Poms are at it" he is on the plane home.

It's a big blow, I'm not going to make any bones about that. We needed Roy and now the chances of us winning the Twenty-20 have gone right down the dunny. We even thought that if he gets through this tournament without any problems we can tag him on to the Ashes party. You've spoilt all that.

I don't mean Roy can make up for the loss of Warne, McGrath, Langer, Hayden and Gilchrist but he is a fantastic all-rounder. Now you have got him sent home and we are left with Shane "Ouch It Hurts" Watson.

My guess is that it won't be long before Watson and Flintoff are in some sort of competition. If the two of them miss the same number of Tests there will be a play-off and the winner will be the guy who is in too much pain to lift the urn.

Fair dinkum, I was a bit surprised that ICC allow us a replacement but then ICC are about the strangest sporting body on the planet. I mean, they have just moved HQ so they can be near a cricket ground! I ask you.

It's just struck me. Why don't you try your luck by asking permission from ICC to play Symonds in the Ashes. He's more of a Pom than Strauss or Pietersen. He is born in the land of the unused towel, he plays for some soap-free county as an Englishman and he drinks the odd pint of that bitter beer.

ICC will go for that one and you don't have to worry about Flintoff's fitness ever again.

Well, you have put one over on the Aussies by cheating. In an old-fashioned Aussie sort of bushranger way I admire that.

Good luck, you dirty Poms, we'll still win.

Greg Orry.

PS: I had this horrible dream you guys lost to Holland. At Lord's. I know things are bad in the Old Dart - greedy politicians, banks empty, wrong team in power - but losing to the Land of Dykes; I don't believe that. That loud whining noise must come from W G Grace's grave!